Re: on average, many men enjoy
true, that both genders engage in this self destructive behavior whether they see it as such or not.
time lost that could have been spent in building a home, starting a family, is WASTED in still guessing who is who and what the other person would be worth!
or the man is pressured to be the way he is - either due to a past memory of a broken heart incidence, or due to family pressures, or due to simply having never looked at the young woman (simply because she is different), as someone who absolutely can be a good life partner.
here is an example - the woman smoked and drank - not socially but alone and did not ever commit any other undignified acts of immorality (toba astaghfaar). it was disclosed at the start of the relationship.
the man asks for dropping these habits right away and it was done.
it was a very private thing that is discussed with him, he keeps saying he wont let his family know about it, and yet, this is being seen as a threat, besides other alibis that are made - height is not accepted to the Mom of the man, the young woman's ideas are non conventional - such as being helping to weak women in standing for their rights, she is not religious, apparently determined without having known whether she is or not...
and to add insult to injury - human emotions of love are seen as a trap.
and predicting wedding and what happens after wards is placed as an onus on the woman to answer all these big questions.
personalities are now being seen as diff. - months later.& now, things are frozen in time, with all the sorrow that one can possibly bear within oneself.
even if you moved ahead by getting back together, when the man will realize what he has done, where he was not strong...
it will still hurt the woman to see him suffer and that is the only reason she is trying to save him from feeling alone. unless he sees this as this...
being sensitive and honorable, not giving up is , i guess, an extra privileged LOAD, some women tend to have especially, women who support justice.
she breaks all the rules of self respect and with out chasing, calls out for a reconsideration, knowing what she knows about him, believing in his words from before... and yet he is silent, plays quiet on purpose.
is it not too much?
something tells that this is not due to the man himself, or maybe god forbid, it is him.
i wish we can prevent such misery as it makes parents feel that relationships identified and built independently are not worth anything -
long story short - blames are misplaced. true feelings are suppressed, one side is shut out, other is trying to forge in with all the faith it has.
time will tell, who made out well and who did not.
people tell, reading books like "he is not into you'' is a good thing to snap out of the fallacy of hope as at least a woman's heart contains only pure hope.
of course, walking away will ultimately be the choice.
confusion must never taint relationships, i pray to Allah for this.
some women do not lie on purpose, men must begin to learn this and learn to respect this.
rest is up to destiny and the Maker's plans.
dushwari
i will respond to the rest later, but a small correction
"This man must learn to learn be honest to himself and those who he sadly takes for granted"
hey, and have you thought that maybe he was not being honest wit himself until now. just because the end result is not what you like does not mean he is not being honest now, maybe he is being honest now and he was not being honest earlier, to you, or to himself.
btw, its not just guys who do that, girls do that as well, ran into one like that in 94-95 ..something happened and boom it was over..but then she made a mess of herself later so I guess it was all good. I am good pals with her pals so I hear about her once in a while and 12 years later she is still not sure what she wants from life and dragging on a bad relationship for years which does not seem to be going anywhere...frankly I am glad it ended, but when it ended of course it was a killer
just walk away...yes u may have invested a lot in the relationship, but it cant be forced, it cant be negotiated, someone cant be talked into it or convinced of it, it has to come from the people themselves,..anything else and its just not worth it.