Older women are fans of sex, too
Nine women focus of CBC documentary
VINAY MENON
This just in: Women over 65 are sexually active.
Still Doing It (CBC, 9 p.m. tonight) is a one-hour documentary that explores the sex lives of nine post-menopausal women. Each waxes effusively about the joy of sex, about the carnal bliss women can experience in the twilight of life.
Depending on your own age and sensibility, you’ll probably find this film to be: a) enlightening, b) inspiring, c) disturbing, or, d) so damn horrifying you’ll never see your grandmother the same way again.
Kids, you’ve been warned.
Betty Dodson, a 73-year-old New Yorker with dyed-blue hair and a bourbon voice, is in a relationship with a 26-year-old bespectacled fellow named Eric.
Betty and Eric first crossed cyberpaths on the Internet. They flirted through e-mail, decided to meet, fell madly in love, and by the sound of it, have kept the neighbours awake for weeks.
“I think I’m going to really get involved with some kinky stuff,” says Betty, without a trace of self-consciousness. “Sex at 73 is very important to me.”
And then there’s Harriet, a 75-year-old self-described bohemian who says her libido burns brighter as she ages.
“You become much more sexual after menopause,” she says, shaking her blond hair. “Even bad sex is better than no sex … Even when it’s bad, I love it.”
We also meet Ellen, 68, and Dolores, 70, two lesbians who met three years ago. Says Ellen: “I don’t think I could live without that physical part of a relationship.”
The point of the documentary, which is scattered and suffers from a lack of narrative focus, is to dispel myths that remain tethered to women in a culture preoccupied with youth and beauty.
Women are not supposed to harbour sexual urges once they start getting senior discounts at drug stores. Young women are encouraged to flaunt their sexuality but old women are expected to act as a sort of moral repository, a matriarchal source of asexual nurturing for others.
Remember the fuss Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher created this summer, when their steamy relationship was revealed? The biggest issue was the age difference (Kutcher is 25; Moore is 40).
Did you get that? Moore is 40. Now consider the women featured in Still Doing It, most of whom are old enough to be Moore’s mother.
The documentary showcases women who are, yes, still doing it. And they’re eager to shoot down the social expectations rooted in “granny stereotypes” — prim, frigid, prudish, inorgasmic.
“A lot of people think it’s disgusting that I have a young lover, (but) I don’t give a rat’s ass,” says a defiant Betty.
“Men are really shocked by a very sexual woman who lets it hang out,” adds Harriet.
Even Harriet’s son was mortified when he learned his mother would be featured in Still Doing It. When asked if he would comment, she says his response was: “No way, Mom, get out of here!”
Personally, I sympathize with the guy. I have nothing against older women. And I have nothing against sex. But, like ketchup and ice cream, I get a little queasy thinking about them together.
The filmmakers seemed determined to disabuse viewers of these anti-progressive notions. They clearly wanted to show that women in their 60s and 70s can be portrayed as vivacious and alluring.
So we have scenes in which one buxom senior is getting dressed, another in which a woman is racing around on a bike, and several involving kissing, cuddling, caressing and sweet talking. One woman even takes a slow-rubbing shower while cameras are filming.
Forgive me, but most of what I’ve just described was about as sensual as watching sea turtles drift in the chop. This is one of those documentaries you want to believe. But, it’s virtually impossible to refrain from snickering at the whiny, self-indulgent and intellectually dishonest spectacle.
Clearly, it’s okay to become less sexually active as you get older. In fact, it’s normal.
Near the end of the show, after railing against cultural norms and media portrayals of women in society, some women also reveal their own hypocrisy.
Betty said that while once against the idea of cosmetic surgery, she decided to go ahead and have some work done now that she has a younger lover.
And, most astonishingly, Harriet makes this observation: “Older men do not have any sex appeal for me. Because sex is life and it’s youth. Sex and youth go together.”
Lady, if you understand this, what was all the fuss about?
