Last night I was coming back from movies and I stopped at the nearby gas station to get gas. The attendant at the gas station is an old Indian man.
He’s a peculiar way of repeating everything you say. For example when I told him to fill up with regular, he repeated it 5 times, sorta talking to himself “Regular fill up”, “you want regular gas fill up”, and so on… It seems like he might have a slight memory problem, which is not unusual among many old people of his age.
My friend and I felt a little sorry for him. We were talking and my friend said that it’s a pitty that he has to work at this age, late at night like this. I found myself sympathetic towards the old man as well. But then I thought about it. And I said to my friend, “look at it this way: He’s still better than millions of other old men from where he came from who have a family to feed and are willing to work but don’t have even as average a job as this guy - at least he’s got a job and even at this age is feeding his family or at the most least, making his own living”.
Do we over-sympathesize old people? The minute our fathers or mothers get to be old, we start feeling sorry for them and become very protective and emotional. To some extent, it’s natural and due but our pity is probably the last thing those old people need. It’s sad and degrading. There is a difference between sympathy and pity.
The other side of the picture is the general practice that it is considered shameful for grown up son(s) if his/their father is still working in his old age.
What’s wrong with working at old age? You can be a rich person and provide your parents with all the luxuries in their retired life but is that really a good moral support in their last days? Shouldn’t they be encouraged to rather do whatever they want, wheather it’s work or simply a leisured, retired life, instead of forcing your own sense of comfort out of pitty on them?
Are people really that old or we make them feel old?
I think we make people feel old. The expectations that they would want to stop working just because the have reached a certain age is unfair. Why rob a person of doing what he loves to do because its expected.
I am against mandatory retirement age for that very reason. people are living lomger healthier lives and our approach to their contributions needs to be brought into the current era.
There is however a difference between old people who want to work and those who have to work whether its because they did not plan for retirement or because they get no support from their children.
Very good topic. I have a feelign this corner room is going to be the best forum for older people:)
Khair. The thing I have discovered from my experience since my father is working at the age of 67 and that too after he got retirement from his Govt job at 58 yrs back home is that if the person is working out of his own free will and not due to some immediate financial need at that age, it is good for him. He goes out talks to people. Particularly after immigration to this country after retirement he is discovering this new culture and country and is very interested in life. Which is much better than him sitting home all day and worrying about things he can't do anything about and waiting for his time to go.
and yes we the desi born sons do feel lot of shame in that...that our parents working at old age. and some people might think may be it is because we don't support our parents etc. I was mad at him when he started working and I was amd for about 6 months when I found a change in his attitude and saw him excercising and taking care of himself and be happy. In our case money was not the problem. but it does give them confidence and it does feel good when one takes out a hara hara note from his own pocket to spend on something.
My grandfather was a farmer all his life and worked very hard and had a great physique but when he reached his old age he was asked to stop doing anything around the farm. and he did. He totally quit and became a khadarposh sitting on his manja and talking all day. That was very abd for his health. In my view if he did not quit working he would have lived 10 more years.
Fraudz, I agree that there is a difference between working after retirement age out of necessity vs out of hobby but even in the former case, I don't think we help the situation by showing pity.
I have seen a lot of examples where people try to help out old people, which is a nice gesture but I do think that it is not the right kind moral support. People make is so obvious that they are helping out out of pity or sympathy. It is not only the financial aspect that people should be considerate of.
For example, do you think it would provide any moral support to that old man if tomorrow somebody walks up to him and start admiring how wonderful it is that he's working at this age and blah blah blah? I don't think so. I think it would help him a lot better if somebody would rather have a general chit chat and shoot some breeze with him.
Everyone is correct here. My mother still works part time. When she stopped working outside the home, she is active inside the house, she begins to look sluggish. I want her to keep working for this reason: to keep somewhat fit and mingle with the outside world. She is outgoing and can hop in the car after flying in from out of state on a long drive form Texas to N.Y. ~28 hrs. away.
Many times, it is not becuase of the money but the old people, I am getting there quicker then tomorrow the way life moves in the west, need to keep working until physical condictions prevent them to.
I think due to cultural norms, it is considered barbaric to keep ones parents working. Heck, we desi's even console a grieving person in such a way as to make them sadder and not lighter and happy to see others.
Rom. Did it occur to you that he might be the owner of that Gas Station? Also, he was yodeling ‘full gas of tank’ (a Sting song).
In any event, I wish my Dad still worked. After retirement, all he does is bug my mom. I think it is very healthy to keep working and be as productive as one can be. I don’t think that there should be any feelings of shame for the children of the elderly should they choose to work.
There was a study done..the very old people who stayed in their homes and cooked and cleaned after them lived longer..according to a study they died within a year, if they were moved in a home where every thing was done for them and they sat a chair and did nothing.
Majority of the people doing most important Jobs in the world i.e. President of a country, Supreme court justice etc..are over 65. That is when person's knowledge wisdom and experience is at peak.
[This message has been edited by Rani (edited June 25, 2001).]
Do you think, perhaps, that the way we have been brought up has something to do with this? The idea that when we are young our parents look after us and when they are old we will look after them?
Do you think we feel pangs of guilt because when we see some elderly person working we are reminded that we have not fulfilled our responsibility?
I used to feel sorry for seniors that I found working.....and then I realized that many were doing it because they wanted to, not because they needed to. From then on, I have felt nothing but respect for them.