Well, I am sure everyone here knows about what Old Homes are, particularly those living in the western countries. In Pakistan, Karachi and Lahore also have such places where elders can be sent…
Don’t know why, but this is the popular opinion and (well in most of the circles) it is thought that this is reflective of West’s deteriorating cultural ethos…and conjures an image or a picture that is not too comforting or rather is disturbing for one’s conscience…
What is your take on this? Would you ever think about sending your parents to an Old House. I would not mention or discuss the factors here that might lead one to take such a step now , but it would be interesting to get views on this issue from everyone…
Quran 17:23-24
*Thy Lord hath decreed, that ye worship none save Him, and (that ye show) kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age with thee, say not to them a word of contempt nor repulse them, but speak unto them a gracious word.
And make yourself submissively gentle to them with compassion, and say: O my Lord! have compassion on them, as they brought me up (when I was) little. *
surely this does not teach us to throw them into any such place....
As long as I'm alive...my folks will never have to see such a place...will take care of em...even if I am physically away from them...they will havetheir own home...own helpers...but will liveiin theri own comfort not in this "motel"..."line up for food" thing
If I am dead...hopefully I will have earned enough money for them to survive on thier own...then maybe it woudl be up to them if they'd prefer such a place.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by lost soul: *
Well, I am sure everyone here knows about what Old Homes are, particularly those living in the western countries. In Pakistan, Karachi and Lahore also have such places where elders can be sent...
Don't know why, but this is the popular opinion and (well in most of the circles) it is thought that this is reflective of West's deteriorating cultural ethos...and conjures an image or a picture that is not too comforting or rather is disturbing for one's conscience...
What is your take on this? Would you ever think about sending your parents to an Old House. I would not mention or discuss the factors here that might lead one to take such a step now , but it would be interesting to get views on this issue from everyone...
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I work at a nursing home and honestly I think it rele depends on the situation..if the family is able to provide the care seniors need..then they should keep them at home, a lot of the long term residents at our facility are oriented, alert, and need just a little bit of assistance in ambulation which nebody could provide. Some of them like living in the facility but most of them would rather go home.
There are, however, cases where the senior suffers from dementia or needs a full time aide..in these cases it is best for everyone involved to keep him in a facility
We also have a subacute section in the facility, the people there are just there while they are convalescing from surgery or medical treatments, some end up in our long term care but most go home with their family
I suppose if you can provide care for your elders in their or your home that is the preferred solution.
There are times where this can be impossible, in which some quality nursing home is a good solution.
There is a rather negative image of nursing homes that is presen, but they have stric rules to follow and for the most part provide good care, and the people who are helping them are not doing them a favour but doing it as a part of their job.
Do we really believe that all elders in Pakistanwho live with their kids, or vice versa.. get the quality care that they deserve? I know of one guy..I wont curse im out cuz he is dead now.. but he used his mother as his personal piggy bank..i.e. her other kids would send her money..for her use and this guy would just live off it.. so if $1K was sent for her care, only $200 will be spent on her and he would use up the rest.
It was sad to see that, I have seen other elders in pakistan whose kids do not care from them properly, the elders may nto say but eyes epak a lot..they suffer indignities daily as being a burden, as being somone ppl need to take care of. The point is just because someone is ntoin an old folks home but with a son or a daughter, it does not mean they are getting the care they deserve..
My parents will inshaAllah be staying with me when they want, my homehas a second master suite built just for them. So far they are independent and doing what they want. I intend to provide the care and service they will need as they grow older.
[QUOTE] Originally posted by Fraudz: *
**It was sad to see that, I have seen other elders in pakistan whose kids do not care from them properly, the elders may nto say but eyes epak a lot..they suffer indignities daily as being a burden, as being somone ppl need to take care of.*
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i have seen the above in Canada, amongst Pakistanis residing here for more than ten years.
[quote] The point is just because someone is ntoin an old folks home but with a son or a daughter, it does not mean they are getting the care they deserve..
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[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by lost soul: *
Well, I am sure everyone here knows about what Old Homes are, particularly those living in the western countries. In Pakistan, Karachi and Lahore also have such places where elders can be sent...
Don't know why, but this is the popular opinion and (well in most of the circles) it is thought that this is reflective of West's deteriorating cultural ethos...and conjures an image or a picture that is not too comforting or rather is disturbing for one's conscience...
What is your take on this? Would you ever think about sending your parents to an Old House. I would not mention or discuss the factors here that might lead one to take such a step now , but it would be interesting to get views on this issue from everyone...
[/QUOTE]
Great thread.
I would never in a gazillon years think of putting my parents in any such place, not in ANY situation! It's just not right in my opinion. Matter of fact, I think it's quite degrading and dehumanizing as if your parents are now among the great herd of sheep grazing with other similar elderly folks who have become vegetables too. It's so humiliating. On top of that, add the fact that indeed it's a western phenomenon, not at all suited to a culture and close family structure such as that of Pakistani folks.
There are times .. when they may need specialized medical attention you may be unable to provide at home... or for certain cultures the elderly themself may want more privacy or an enviornment where they can be among more people of their age and interests.
Babay thats why using terms like never is a bit much. who knows what the situation could be. a while ago..people were not even comnfortable with women going to hospitals to give birth..saw it as against the culture etc etc..and it still is seen like that in some rural areas.
situations dictate actions, there could be cases where one can not provide the type or level of care that a good nursing home can provide. The intent would not be to expunge someone out of your daily life, but to provide the best care possible.
Armughal and Irem... I understand where you are coming from. I mean from religious/ethical point of view, thats just not right. And that would be anyone's gut feeling and reaction. However,
Larki P, Fraudz and BabG have raised important points and have managed to understand the central idea behind this question.
There are times when one has to take such an ignominious decision.. well, its not dishonorable as such if we take into regard the factors that Frudz and Larki have mentioned, particularly from the medical point of view but the guilt conscious and the too much emphasis on what-people-would-say lead us to think on those terms.
"The intent would not be to expunge someone out of your daily life, but to provide the best care possible."(Fraudiya)
Sometimes its the health factor; sometimes it is the absence of a man who could take good care of an aging elderly in one's family and at times, the men are not men enough.. there are countless reasons
I would still like to believe that 'privacy' as such does not factor in, in our debates to that extent.Hmm... thats another topic altogether.
I do not foresee a situation (in my limited scenario analysis) where one would need to jettison his/her old folks on account of 'olg age'. Period.
Specialized medical or otherwise attention can be provided at home (if one can afford it). Regarding the need to be amongst people of similar age and interests, hmm..i am not too sure of that. Isn't it going to be a little too depressing a scenario? Besides, i have seen dadas and dadis much happier with their grand children (i understand their own children may be unable to provide them with much time due to their very many occupations). Guess one shouldn't deprive them of these joys, huh?