Obsessed with Bhabhi!!

Lifestyle Relationships
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so my husband is really obsessed with his Bhabhi (brothers wife).. if i utter a word about her he gets so mad and he starts giving me really bad gaaliyas… we live in joint family so sometimes things happen and i (being really stupid) confide to my husband and without listening to my feelings.. he starts making a big fuss about it
like once my kurta got torn and i just said jokingly that 'oh ap ki bhabhi ki nazar lag gai" and he made a big deal out of my saying that and called his whole family in the room and said this and that to me and didnt come to sleep in the bedroom for 6 nights!
when i was pregnant i was on bed rest as i had conceived after more than 4 years of wedding(thru ivf). and my jethani used to complain to the maids that i have to do all house work and other ppl are resting and i just said it to my hubby that she was saying that and he and his mom yelled at me in my pregnancy and i had to go to emergency as i had bleeding cuz of stress in morning
there are other things also.. sometimes they are small stuff like kitchen work and sometimes they are big problems around the house.. but them being genuine or not i can not confide in my husband as he always puts me at fault..
sometimes they are stupid things and i just want to get bharas out of my heart .. its not like i want to fight with her and i want to live seperately
but i just hate her.. she is not bad.. mostly she is nice to me and a good ‘bahu’ but its jealousy or what i dont know but i cant stand her
cuz i know i ;m not part of the family like her
even my husband will insult me cuz of her
its like i ;m just an outsider in my sasural

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Re: Obsessed with Bhabhi!!

Bharaas your (**(&*& off at Life1 :bigthumb:

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Re: Obsessed with Bhabhi!!

May ALLAH make it easier for you.

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Obsessed with Bhabhi!!

Mmm I can appreciate that this situation might be really upsetting for you. You really cant control what others do, you could influence it though. Try your best to make your conduct good, no need to feel jealous. And hun your hubby has proved hes not worthy of your minds or heart felt feelings so no need to tell him. I know you feel he should be supportive but you've established he isnt. I guess my point is do your best in things you can control.

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Re: Obsessed with Bhabhi!!

your hubby is a 'jerk'...sorry to say that but really he does at least sound like one.

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Re: Obsessed with Bhabhi!!

guys who obsess over their bhabis......so creepy and annoying.

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Re: Obsessed with Bhabhi!!

sounds like a hum tv drama script :/

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Re: Obsessed with Bhabhi!!

In another post earlier this year, you wrote that you have 2 kids (girls?). How old are they?

There is also no mention of this “obsession” with your bhabi. I get the feeling that this was just the latest thing that started a fight. You had also stated in that thread that you and you husband never got along…since the 1st day of marriage. So at this point, I’m not sure what advice any of us can really give you that wasn’t given in your previous thread. If he hasn’t developed any respect for you in the past 6 YEARS and after you giving birth to 2 kids…I don’t think its realistic for you to think that somehow he’s going to develop it now.

http://www.paklinks.com/gs/life-and-relationships/598943-serious-marital-issues.html#post9452341

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Re: Obsessed with Bhabhi!!

Me and my brother have this deal that we do not let anyone talk bad about our immediate family including everyone in our immediate family be it our mother or wives. We told all of them that we don't like or want any of this. If anyone of you have a problem with anyone else that you come to us and we try to sort it out. It is working good so far but I still hear things from time to time. This does not mean you do not listen to your own wife and keep on bringing up your brother's wife, it can be creepy.

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Re: Obsessed with Bhabhi!!

Humtv scripts are often inspired from Urdu novels inspired from real life. Jo dikhate hain wohi hota hoga

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Re: Obsessed with Bhabhi!!

Sounds like a lot of men minus the cursing and fights. A lot of men in our desi circle esp. Those living in pak give utmost respect to their bhabis and hence he doesnt like u complaining bout her. Esp wen u 2 r already sore in ur relationship.
Vent bout bhabi somewhere else like in a blog or sth.
Do sth about ur marriage. Get independent if u can work.

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Re: Obsessed with Bhabhi!!

Way to generalize

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Re: Obsessed with Bhabhi!!

I was really sad to read your story and that this happens today. Since you have kids and you're probably wanting to maintain this relationship this is what i think.

I think be sweet to your bhabi and see if you can get her to be more open to you. I know that she and your husband sound a bit unfair but you can't give up. Take a vacation with your husband somewhere far from family. Make a place for yourself in this family because you deserve it.

Imran Khan, the cricket player, once said you should never do anything out of fear. Don't fear of losing but think you are going to win. This is your family as well and you will win them back to your side.

You've written on another thread that you were thinking about home. That is an excellent idea. It will keep your mind occupied and away from all this. It will give you some goals outside of the home and it will be something that is just yours.

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Re: Obsessed with Bhabhi!!

I am so sorry to read this. Some desi men are like that, they don't like to hear a word about their family, even when their family is in the wrong. at least he is not obsessed with his niece. serious someone needs to fix these things. I am so sick and tired of hearing these cultural issues arising from family. why can't it be fixed

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Re: Obsessed with Bhabhi!!

Maybe she makes good parathay and doodh patti chai?

Anyways, you have a difficult situation at home. Not all men are like that and cursing etc. is just sign of being ill-mannered.

If she is not bad and is nice to you then why be so jealous. Let it go and if you stay nice to her and not show your jealousy maybe your husband will not dislike you too.

Play tactfully and save your household rather than worrying about his obsession.

And you may need to stop thinking that you are from 'outside'.

You are married to the family and should 'feel like home' first, before others accept you as your own.

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Re: Obsessed with Bhabhi!!

thanks for the advices everyone.. but how can i think of the family i m married into as my own when i know i have been insulted so much by them... which kind of person says maa bahen wali galiyas if u utter a word about his bhabhi.. i know my behavior is wrong towards her but i just cant stand her.. as i know she is more important to this family and my husband then me... i know its jealousy and even i get upset after i have been rude to her as she s not much at fault... but what to do
i

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Re: Obsessed with Bhabhi!!

i have two twin girls age 2

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Re: Obsessed with Bhabhi!!

It is good that you recognize the problem.

Maybe work on not getting so upset and being jealous with her. Perhaps people around you do notice that.

So start being nice to her. Just like she is to you.

It might give a chance to your husband not to be rude with you too.

It is not like you and her are going anywhere, so why not live in harmony?

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Re: Obsessed with Bhabhi!!

1) Why are you thanking us for our advice when you don't want to follow it? What you want is for people to tell you that you are 100% innocent and your husband is 100% wrong. You are looking for sympathy....but sorry....you are not 100% deserving of it.

2) Obsession basically means when our thoughts are heavily focused on something. But what you don't realize is that YOU too are obsessed with Bhabi ...perhaps even more than your husband. If you are always thinking about Bhabi, then you are obsessed with her.

3) You say that i know my behavior is wrong but I jut can't stand her. See, basically you are saying ...."I know My actions are wrong, but I will NOT control or change myself." You want your husband to change, but you don't want to fix your behavior because you have firmly decided that I can't help/control myself. If your husband said I can't help/control the gaaliyan I give, will that be an acceptable excuse to you? He is more wrong than you, but you are also at fault.

4) You have admitted yourself that bhabi is mostly nice to you, so why are you behaving like the jealous/insecure women in the saas-bahu dramas that make you cringe? You have admitted yourself that you are rude to her, so do you expect to be praised for this behavior?

5) When your husband is in a calmer mood, explain to him gently that a man who is so kind in his speech to his mother and bhabi should also speak respectfully to all women be it a coworker, his wife, daughter, a woman on the street, and that cursing damages relationships and is against the spirit of Islam. But if you say this to him, your words will have more impact if you, too, respect his bhabi and family.

6) You can implement a series of consequences ranging from talking to your husband to going back to your parents' home to family intervention to professional counseling to trial separation and even divorce. But if you want to remain in this marriage, you need to make some changes in yourself and how you use your time and emotional energy.