I have observed that girls who have had a secure yet independent (not many restrictions) life till marriage face more problems after marriage cuz 1) they find it hard to accept restrictions 2) its very hard to be dictated at this point in life when all the while b4 u had no such trend in yr life 3) how can u suddenly accept yr husband/in-laws to dictate u to dress up a certain way when yr parents didnt put in such restrictions.
I don’t know whose wrong or right here but i do know that it does happen. BUT what is the solution then? Do parents stop giving their children the freedom b4 marriage or should the husband and in-laws be less dictative towards the girl. I certainly believe it should be the latter however doesnt mean that the parents go wild and give totall freedom to the children or the in-laws going bresek and being total aloof to what and how things are.
I think if we consider family settings like in Pakistan then it is best to marry within like minded families. You certainly can’t hope for a blessed relation where a very liberal girl gets married in a very conservative family. I think it is not fair to ask for either party to compromise to the point where they have to entirely change their outlook on life in order to fit in. Because most of the marriages are arranged by parents, it is their responsibility to make sure that their child does not have to alter their principles for husband’s/ wife’s family.
just marry your girl in a family where she can adjust easily......... if she is not having a habit of living in such an enironment then her parents should find her such guy & family with which she can easily adjust...........
Marry within like-minded families. Ask the right questions when you meet the rishta prospect. For example, if you have the strong desire to work after marriage.....then don't marry someone who is dead against it if you know it's going to a huge deal for you. And it would be foolish to find this out AFTER the wedding.....when it could have been asked or brought up when you were getting to know the person during the rishta-meet.
I know that you can't find all your desired qualities in a spouse...and that you have to compromise and weigh the good and the bad. But..you should have an idea of the things that really matter to you and talk about them with the prospective person.
if you think marriage automatically leads to a life being dictated by husband and in-laws then your description of marriage is slavery, not a union between two people who love and respect each other. People who lead secure and independent lives are usually more mature and practical and therefore will think a lot more about marriage before saying yes to just anyone. most likely these people will ensure that they discuss the restrictions you mentioned with their husbands-to-be before they actually sign the nikah-nama, no?
Well, girls need to be kept under lock and key when at their parents home, then hoisted off to their husbands/in-laws and be kept under lock and key there. :)
just because are independent does not mean that they don't understand what any relationship entails.
on the contrary, some girls might be so babied and restricted they may end up having trouble and adjusting in their naya ghar. they may not be able to take on the responsibilites of an adult properly.
I think its a bit of both .... any relationship not just marriage requires a fair bit of effort, understanding and compromise and marriage is no different. The problem starts when the girl thinks that she has just married the guy and did not marry into his family and does not have to listen to anything that wasn't said by her husband and most guys are no different either. Once you start thinking of your in laws as a part of you family and respect them the same way u respect your own family it becomes much easier.
I am not saying that the in laws don't have to make the same adjustments. They definitely have to but usually the compromise on the individual's side is greater
and thats what you look for when looking for rishta (for guy or girl). Compatible person and compatible family. A family where lifestyle is compatible if not identical.
well said