obligation of a husband towards his wife and kids

Lifestyle Relationships
1

how much power a wife should have over her husbands money?

i have a question those women who dont work and take care of their kids just cuz the kids are too small to be left with someone and one day ur husbands says in an argument “its my money i can do whtever i want to”
wht should this hopeless woman do?

2

Re: obligation of a husband towards his wife and kids

Dua.

3

Re: obligation of a husband towards his wife and kids

^ There's way too much more information needed to properly adivse you.

For xample, why were htey arguing? Did he simply say something in the heat of the moment and didn't mean it?
Is she educated, and had a career before she married/had kids?
How does she normally manage his money?

4

Re: obligation of a husband towards his wife and kids

ok here is a thing of wht i heard

yeah she is educated with a professional degree... but cuz of kids she left her job temp basis... ok the argument was the husband and wife are trying to save money for somegood time to buy a house and now the husbands family who not only have a big house but also have a joint income of $150,000 which is plenty enough... and they even have a house back in thier country... so now here is wht happens his family tells him they need money of whtever he has to put in thier house for temp basis till he has his own house... they needed the money so that the interest on a mortgage will go down... so now the husbans agrees... here is where the fight begans ... that there was no way that they will retun the money right away. or maybe never. nd cuz of that the wife and himself have to dely buying their own place...

and then in the argument the husband says that to his wife

now u should think this was not a very critical matter.. not a matter of lif and death.. husband should have taught about his wife and kids.. that they need security... khudana khwasta if something happens.... wht will my kids and wife will have...

so to gain the security the wife goes to a bank and transfers the money under her kids so in this was they will have security... my question is to all the woman wht will u do in this situation? did she do a wise thing?

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Re: obligation of a husband towards his wife and kids

Hold on, so hubby is using the money to help out his his family.

the family has 150K in their account, and houses of their own but they are still asking him for hte money?

Exactly why do they need money? is it for a wedding? for education expenses or to start a loan?

have they borrowed money before and been tardy in returning it?

6

Re: obligation of a husband towards his wife and kids

they nedded for the house they have right now... its on mortgage and the interest is high so to reduce it they want his money

7

Re: obligation of a husband towards his wife and kids

very familiar story.I'll advice ur friend to let his husband help the family,arguments won't stop him just make u guys bitter.think it as a donation or charity n u both will get the rewards.As an strategy open a saving account n silently save money for her kids n her house.Or buy a house on mortgage n keep making silent extra payments towards ur mortgage
In Islam wives r not breadwinners n its husbands sole responsibilty to earn for wife n kids.If the guys parents r well off hav no share in the son's income but we live in a totally unislamic society where ur all in-laws even married SILs n well established BILs think they hav a right on ur husbands money.
So intead of earning herself n doing tera mera learn some strategies n save silently.u r not stealing but helping ur family in long run.

I think she didn't do a wise thing.Ask her to return the money.Let him send to his family n later on save by taking smaller steps.Also hav RRSP.RESP accounts or a life insurance if they agree on that.

8

Re: obligation of a husband towards his wife and kids

so this is wht she did...i beliven she told me that she ran and open a silent account under her kids name...i think this was a very brave step of her as a woman... if ur man is not like that

9

Re: obligation of a husband towards his wife and kids

he is helping his family like every other son would do. whats the big deal about it...? if you have real reservations about it them ask him to have everything in written b4 giving them the money. and also make sure if they get upset over it , he should have the right to convey your reservations and love to them.

10

Was this the situation when they bought the house?

Who was making the mortgage payments beforehand?

Did hte rate just balloon up that tey are suddenly in need of the extra cash?

11

Re: obligation of a husband towards his wife and kids

Tough situation.

I see two issues here.

  1. He never asked her what he thought they should do. regardless of whether she is working, they are a team and should act as such.

If he is the one earning, then she is the one doing EVERYTHING based on what he can provide, groceries, taking care of the kids' needs, and having enough left over to save. That is NOT an easy task.

  1. The second issue--a much tougher one--is that he appears to be putting his family's needs above the needs of his wife and children.

I know she is thinking of her children's future but the husband is also thinking about his family. I still dont' know the whole story, but if they are religious people, they should think of this as an act of charity i guess. Even if not religious, think of it as good karma that will come back to you.

12

thats a very very selfish deed on her part. its not wise at all and if her husband did something about it then she must not blame him for she had it coming bcos of her own stupidity. its one thing to be careful and think about security...but its totally different to take rash steps without thinking about consequences. he only wants to help his family. if i were in his place, i would have done the same thing, also making sure i'll get the money back when needed. they are my family and if they need my help, i'll provide whatever i can. in no way this means i'll be neglecting my own family but what good a money in account is if i can't use it to help my family in time of need. she is saying they have 150k in income/account but who knows how true is that. she seems like a hot-headed person who would go to any extreme to have things her way...even if it means putting her own family n relationship on line.

13

i too think she took a very rash n emotional decision tht can lead to harsh consequences.lets think this way wats more imp money or ur relation with ur spouse.wat if he leaves her over this one thing.wat security she or her kids hav then n the family will still get the money.so win ur battle with strategy n not lose it with emotions.she should appologize him n return the money back to their joint.unless she wants to leave him for the money

14

Re: obligation of a husband towards his wife and kids

I am thinking about it this way: if i wanted a house but my parents needed money at the same time for their house payments, i would most probably not hesitate to give them my savings and put my stuff on hold. This is what families are for. I dont blame her for being angry over it, i really dont but i dont think she should stop him for giving to his parents.

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