i really want serious answers to this, and it’s an added bonus if you include Quranic ayats and/or Hadiths.
If i’m being super-nice to someone, do they have an obligation to reciprocate at the same level of friendship to me? Like let’s say, as an example, i want someone’s friendship but they won’t reciprocate and every time i try to approach them, they hesitate and back off. Infact, the more i approach, the more they back off. i know the person isn’t anti-social, but - they still won’t use that nature of friendship with me. They save it when i’m not around. i keep pushing even though i can sense that the other person is really uncomfortable and has given me many hints that they’d rather not push the friendship anymore. Now - who’s in the wrong here: the person being nice, or the person who is receiving all the niceness but won’t reciprocate?
From an Islamic stance, is the person being nice at fault for pushing the friendship when the other person is not comfortable with it, or is it the second person’s responsibility to outright tell the first person “I don’t want your friendship”. Wouldn’t that be really mean, though ? What if the second person just doesn’t know how to tell the other person how they really feel, and they don’t want to hurt the other person because they ARE being treated really really nice and in a caring way - but yet, they just don’t want the friendship to go any further?
if that person is backing off because he/she doesnt like you. no wherein the quran does it say its a sin for someone to do that. though it is a sin of course for that person to back bite and the lot. makes me think i am guilty of the above :( ya allah mafi day
yeah, but why doesn't the other person like the first person? If a person is being nice, then there's an obligation to reciprocate. Phir tau na-shukri hui towards someone who is being nice to you. Isn't it ?
NADZ… hug …this is a topic i’ve obsessed and obsessed and obsessed over so so so much…and yet…i dont know…there is no set formula yaar…human beings are different…each situation is sooo different…just dont worry too much nadz…we all try to be good, try to be nice, but sometimes we fail…and that sucks…and we never forgive ourselves…but just dont let anything get you down nadz…
and nadz sometimes we do make false assumptions too that the other person doesn’t want to be friends with us…i know these doubts do creep in but never let these doubts come to ur mind abt ur true friends nadz…
i think as long as u r not rude to anyone its ok yaar…usually when someone is friendly to me i try to be friendly back no matter what…i think thats part of good manners…but sometimes situations are different and maybe u have a busier schedule and u cant reciprocate in the same way…like if ur friend always asks u to go shopping with her n u cant…its ok to say no…they shud also be patient…but just do it nicely not to hurt their feelings…it does happen and it really really sucks…but yaar when there is contact, be nice, thats whats most important i think…
as for friendship going deep nadz…hmmm…usually yaar…if there is a basic clash in our personalities or views, the friendship usually naturally doesnt go deep…all my good friends are ppl who, at a basic level, i love and like…so that happens naturally yaar…dont worry abt that…
Thanks Irem… Everything helped in more ways than one.
Sometimes, Irem, to be nice in the long-term, we have to be rude in the short-term. :~S Hope that made some sense.
i don’t know. When someone feels obligated to be nice, then that’s not friendship is it. That’s like being forced to do something you don’t want to do. And when i feel that way, i LOATHE it.
i make no sense. Never mind me. Naashta nahin khaya, issi liyay paglayi hui hoon main.
Regarding friendships going “deep” - hm yaar. i assume you are talking about friendships with individuals you wanted in the first place, right, not a friendship that was thrust upon you ?
Anyways, never mind me. i think all i need to do, is stop worrying too much and take life easy.
nadz…i know where u r coming from too yaar, as we always say to each other…we just got to take it easy…worry less…and just be confident in our decisions…baaki Allah maalik…Allah sab behter karay ga inshallah…
Salaam Nadia, I know how you feel, Im the same way as you. I always try to be nice and gracious to people who i feel are good in nature, because I feel their friendship will only be for the better, ya know, for the both of us. Like for instance, there was this girl in school, I always saw her around other people as this really down to earth girl real nice and helpful and all, but when i approached her, at first she was nice and all, and then later, she stopped being interested in allowing the freindship to flourish, its like, as if she all of a sudden didnt like me, and I don’t know why, all I have ever done was be nice to her
I felt real bad about that, and wondered why she would not to pursue a friendship with a person who only had good intentions. Whatever, after awhile, I got over it. I mean, some people are just like that. You could try and talk the person or people who are like that, but that of course might be uncomfortable since you don’t know the person very well in the first place. Personally, I don’t think anyone’s fault, especially not you, ur just being a nice friendly person, some people will react to it and return ur kindness, and others simply won’t..for whatever reasons..Allah swt jaane..its just life i guess. (
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*Originally posted by Nadia_H: *
yeah, but why doesn't the other person like the first person? If a person is being nice, then there's an obligation to reciprocate. Phir tau na-shukri hui towards someone who is being nice to you. Isn't it ?
[/QUOTE]
As strange as this questions sounds- Im also wondering.However some people just werent meant to be friends.
If that person keeps going further away in your friendship...I think its better to just leave it.You might find it hard to do so at first- but eventually things work out...you find other friends and other people- where the friendship goes both ways.And it isnt friendship if it doesnt.
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