alright so mom added daughters potential rishta ( pretty much baat paki wedding was planned in 6 months) on facebook, and questioned guy about a few girls on his fb( on of these girls posted bae under his pics) point questioning him made sense, he had random girls on his fb page and this is some random dude u met and are planning to marry( dont see why he would be offended) . any way mother also send friend request to sister, first she does not accept then makes it so just the mother cant add her. girls father calls sister (he did sound angry, he is angry type.) sister says she will explain to girls mother and says if any misunderstandings comes up she would rather explain it to mother and for her to call her directly , she tells the mother she did not know it was her and it she adds her from her real account or the girl adds for the real account then most welcome add her.
the girl does not have fb, but gives his sister her instgram. any way the sister after the conversation and the girl saying she does not have fb, makes it so no one can add her, basically no one can send her a friend request now. the guy a day later ( who the mother has on her fb) deactivates his fb.
what now ? are these people interested? offended that we questioned the guy using mothers fb? offended that girl does not have fb so they can stalk her but we are stalking the son? offended that father called sister compared to the mother asking the guy about the girls on his fb? or just really egoistic.
why did they do what they did ? and why did he deactivate?
I’m sorry but this all sounds quite immature to me.
Why was the mother stalking the guy and questioning him on his friends list?
The sister also was well within her right to not add the mother. It’s her FB profile and it’s for her to decide who goes on the list.
Am I right in understanding that they have finalised the wedding to be in six months time but still not sure about the guy and his family?
if you don’t like what’s presented to you, you move on, just my opinion.
Why did she say then we can add her ? And then after getting off the phone make it that no one can add her now. These kaams are finalized by sawal jaawab its a part of the process. Fb can reveal alot about a person. And if you did see something why not discuss it shes the girls mother she has every right and respect. His sister did not have to add but she should not have lied like that. She could have made another excuse.
The mother did not question on friend list he has girls commenting under pics calling him handsome and speaks to be talking to random girls on fb too.she can ask shes the mom his a guy he could be using her for citizenship it’s not offensive.
And him deactivating after speaking to his sister whats he trying to show ?
I think they dont like us but are pretending and are offended cause they feel we made a fake account to stalk thier brother and are asking him qs but are hiding our past sins or something
“Bae” means nothing, girls say that to me all the time. I think you got serious trust issues, although they are acting kinda weird with deleting their facebooks and stuff but you have demonstrated many times on this forum that you don’t trust this guy and read into every little thing. Maybe follow your guts and dump him lol.
Even if that is the case you were going to marry that person i dont see why he would be offended if he was asked a few questions based on what we saw. He needs to get over himself. Thier attitude is not good they seem to say something else but mean something else and hide how they feel well.
The facebook adding, deactivating, asking questions is all the fluff. When trust, mutual respect and understanding is demonstrated on both sides this wouldn’t be so challenging. Focus on building a solid foundation and if things don’t line up then you have to make a critical and mature decision. A solid foundation is created by building a similar path forward focusing on values and a vision.
If your level of interaction with the opposite gender is more conservative and you would like the SO to have a similar mindset in that regard then make those expectations clear and find someone of that nature. No one can change another person.
There’s this famous quote which I live by and it’s this: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time”. Clearly this guy is showing you who he is so there is no point in “investigating”, the signs are before you. You learn more about a person if you observe their actions as compared to their words.
I don’t like answering questions like this because I don’t know you or the situation or the guy.
Personally I wouldn’t question anyone unless I have a good relationship with them and we trusted each other enough where we could have a dialogue instead of an interrogation. It’s just not cool with me. I don’t question people but I learn enough about them where I know who they are and then ask myself if this is something I want in my life or not.
okay so may be it did sound more like an interrogation. the guy is someone that replied to an ad on the net, you met his siblings however his in pak and can really only see what his like through fb maybe you dont have fb so your mother ads him…ye idk maybe he does feel disrespected cause he was questioned like that.questioning was an attempt to build a relationship. because really talking before marriage is though of as uncool.
Talking before marriage is not thought of as uncool. There’s ways to maintain your modesty and not go OTT and still be able to get to know someone. Where there’s a will there’s a way.
Conversations build relationships not questioning.
Social media should be used to*** know of* someone not get to*** know them***. There is so much more to a person than their FB, instagram etc. It takes time and understanding.
So, this is interesting…I would disagree with this statement that “bae” means nothing. A girl would only call a guy bae if she’s somewhat close to him. Those girls you have calling you bae have some sort of rapport with you. Even as a friend that happens to be a guy… you guys are still friendly whch each other. I think it also signifies that they are more “liberal” with their relations with females.
Trust..I have no girls call me “bae” on pics anywhere! Than again..I’m more conservative and wouldn’t befriend a girl who calls me bae. So I think its fair that they can question that fact of girls calling this guy ‘bae’ in pics. However, on the other side of the coin…being called bae doesn’t mean his doing something haram.
Okay how bad is it if they think we were behind our mothers fb asking him qs thats what my dad made it sound like that we are scared of visa scammers so check and message is not this super embrassing and degrading they know we stalk and message thier son using mums fb…argh where do i hide
lol, no reason to hide. You tried to do what you thought was best. In the future, I think you shouldn’t go about doing things this way, just my opinion. You should defs be cautious of visa scammers but no need to tell the potential that. Just do your homework right and then make a confident decision.
We are still going on with this people and they know this is/was our fear. His mother told me to talk to her and his sister if I have any concerns LOL. those messages were send by fb and dad said brother send them why are their being sarcastic with me. For some reason I am really embarrassed.
is not this super embrassing and degrading they know we stalk and message thier son using mums fb…argh where do i hide