I sometimes fear that I am spoiling my kids. When they ask me to buy something for them, no matter how expensive it is, I almost always buy it for them.
Dont ask me why and its not that I am rolling in money either. Its just that I cant say no to them. I think Decent6chora talked about that in his blog too where he cant say no to his princess and I totally relate to that.
BTW, my kids are not spoiled kids. They are very responsible for their age and today if I go and tell them that we cant buy it cause I cant afford, not only that they will not ask again but older one would run to her room and bring some money for me begging me to keep it just in case I need it for grocery or something.
Also they collect their cash allowance and give most of it away to the mosque fund where they go for the Quran class. I feel very emotional when I think that my daughters are in part supporting an orphanage in Afghanistan.
If money is not an object, where would you stop before you think that maybe you are spoiling your kid?
Well as long as you think they are responsible and know when to stop asking then no problem i guess.
Just a "no" once in a while to make sure everything is place would do I guess.
LP, I tried inventing a reward system where when they ask for something, I tell them to do such and such and I may reward them by buying that .. problem is that I give up in the middle of it and go and buy that stuff for them without them completing the chore that I gave them ..
I ended doing the same with my lil bro.
But the reward system is good.At least they work for what they want. A few of my students are spoiled as their parents gave them wht they want when they want.So they have no sense of responsibility .
OK…so what I feel is that what ever you decide to do with your kids…you need to follow through with it…or they might later on feel that they will always get their own way…
When I was small…my dad was very strict with me…and there was no rewards system only danda I feel that he was more strict with me coz I am the only child…so he did not wnt me to grow up to be selfish…coz I never had to share my things with anyone coz I never had any siblings.
But mama..was a bit different…she was not very strict with me…she never followed through with what she said…so I don’t take it serious when she says something…but when papa says something..he never has to raise his voice, and does not need to repeat it again for me to know he is VERY serious about what he says
But as u mentioned TLK…its ok to spoil them, but make sure you follow through with what you say..so that they would not expect everything to come easily to them…
TLK, its amazing how individualized this whole thing is. My eldest and my youngest both never get greedy, they'll ask for things but drop it if they're told no. Middle son is SUCH a greedy little consumer tho. I have no idea where this comes from. But there it is. Its a sad and difficult thing to deal with for sure because I love to give them things when I can afford to. But I can no longer do this because when he gets more, he wants more. We had to institute a policy where he never asks for things but rather he goes and writes what he wants and why he wants it, keeps his list in his desk and it will be reviewed before christmas or birthday for top choices. Its kinda sad because he's a boy with a huge and giving soul but he just has this driving greed. For THINGS.
cute kidz! U should thank to Allah SWT! and pray as much for your parents b’coz this happiness is due to your parents prayers. Indeed today if u obey/respect/love your parents more, your generation will obey/respect/love you more
I can understand your point. In fact parents especially ‘father’ mostly away from home (on duty) and have a busy life outside due to their nature of work/duty. So when they come home they like/want to spend all the left time to play with their kidz but the reamining left time seems very little. So ‘father’ they always say ‘yes’ to their kidz ‘farmaish’ even sometime mother (wife) diagree with you. This is b’coz kidz most of the time spend in home with their mothers whom always listen to their ‘farmaish’, so No is more easly to say by mother compairing to father. ‘Father’ who want 2 see smilies on the faces of their kidz which in not worth then money (as u said above) he simply buy whatever kidz wants on kidz first request.
This is very hard for father to say ‘No’ so here what u can do instead of saying simply No. Spend time with your kidz/family in a park or any suitable place where u can play with him/her any game (cricket, football etc) This how u can keep away ur kidz from market and will not spoil (as u said ) by buying what they wants. Share weekend planning with them ask them where they would like to go next time and tell them the condition if u act/obey/do this then i’ll take u to ur fav place etc.
But as u mentioned TLK...its ok to spoil them, but make sure you follow through with what you say..so that they would not expect everything to come easily to them...
Actually they dont expect things to come easy to them. They know that mom and dad have complete authority to say no and Mrs often say no to them about things and it never happened that after getting no from mom, they came to me asking for the same cause they think I would agree. They never took advantage of such situation. Over all I think my kids are pretty well behaved kids (well, dont all parents think like such for their kids :D)
TLK, its amazing how individualized this whole thing is. My eldest and my youngest both never get greedy, they'll ask for things but drop it if they're told no. Middle son is SUCH a greedy little consumer tho. I have no idea where this comes from. But there it is. Its a sad and difficult thing to deal with for sure because I love to give them things when I can afford to. But I can no longer do this because when he gets more, he wants more. We had to institute a policy where he never asks for things but rather he goes and writes what he wants and why he wants it, keeps his list in his desk and it will be reviewed before christmas or birthday for top choices. Its kinda sad because he's a boy with a huge and giving soul but he just has this driving greed. For THINGS.
I think the issue is my own mind set MO3. I did not have a very affluent childhood and unlike many of my classmates and friends, I did not enjoy many things that others did. Because of my experience, I delveloped two thought procesees.
Never tell my kids that we cant afford certain things. If we really cant buy it then I tell them that do dua that Allah gives daddy more money and inshallan then we will buy it.
There are things that a person (or a kid) can only enjoy at certain age and once that age is gone, that thing is usless for them.
With these 2 thoughths combined, everytime and anytime I can fullfil their wish, I go ahead and do that.
I just dont want them to feel the way I felt when I was a kid and did not have all the toys that my friends had.
Never tell my kids that we cant afford certain things. If we really cant buy it then I tell them that do dua that Allah gives daddy more money and inshallan then we will buy it.
There are things that a person (or a kid) can only enjoy at certain age and once that age is gone, that thing is usless for them.
With these 2 thoughths combined, everytime and anytime I can fullfil their wish, I go ahead and do that.
I just dont want them to feel the way I felt when I was a kid and did not have all the toys that my friends had.
Do a thing, bring any broucher/pamphelit on which toys price is written. Ask ur kidz which toy they would like to buy. Give ur kids some coins and ask them how much u'll add more to buy the toy that1 u liked and r u ready to save your pocket money to buy this toy. Let them save their pocket money and this how they'll realize the importance of money. Same u tell ask them if u save your enuf pocket money to enjoy the ride in park then i'll take u to the park :). This will work
Don't worry about this Bro! every kidz have theirs own speciality. Just pray to Allah SWT! ke woh meri ulaad ko naik or saleh banay or mere liyeh maghfirat ka rasta bany.
ur rewarding them for their effort which is good enough…I’m not a parent but I know some parents have this philosophy of tough love, and while I understand it I dn’t thikn I agree with it.
I think i’m so totally going to spoil mines :hinna:
MashAllah thats great that they are so sweet and considerate…thats good parenting
I ended doing the same with my lil bro.
u have to follow the system.
I feel that he was more strict with me coz I am the only child…so he did not wnt me to grow up to be selfish…coz I never had to share my things with anyone coz I never had any siblings.
cute kidz! U should thank to Allah SWT! and pray as much for your parents b’coz this happiness is due to your parents prayers. Indeed today if u obey/respect/love your parents more, your generation will obey/respect/love you more 
There should be balance in the force.