My cousin, and best friend, is getting engaged and before her engagement party the family are doing a baat pakhi. Now me and my cousin grew up together, are best friends, go on holiday together, share everything etc etc. Her baat pakhi is next month and apparently my Chachu wants only my parents there, and she said she doesn't know/she isn't seeming like she cares either way.
I feel so sad...she is like a sister to me but her lack of enthusiasm is so upsetting. And I really want to be apart of all the events...so I don't know how to react. Am I right to be upset?
Has her father invited other cousins as well…or just their parents? If there are not going to be any other cousins/friends (people your age) at this particular event, then you are not being singled out.
A baat pakki is a minor event (imo) compared to the other events such the mehndi, shadi, valima, etc. So if you’ve been invited to those events, then you still have a much to look forward to.
When a rishta is solidified, you have to merge your wishes with that of the groom and his family. Perhaps the guy and his family expressed that they just want the baat pakki to be a small, private affair. This is her and her family’s event and it’s primarily their right as to how they want things to go and every family has their own way of doing things. So, the best thing you can do for your cousin is to be supportive of her even if you have been excluded from the baat pakki. Wish her well, be happy for her.
I have been through my sister’s wedding and I’ve seen my cousins and friends get married, too. All the many days of preparation leading up to the wedding are like an emotional roller coaster…especially for the bride-to-be. It’s a huge life-changing decision and it can come with moments of enthusiasm, and annoyance, and apathy, and emotional outbursts, etc etc. So expressing your disappointment to her is not going to help matters; it can strain your friendship with her. So, forget the petty stuff and enjoy with her the weeks of singledom that she still has left before her time is taken up by her husband and in-laws, etc etc. There are so many fun things to still look forward to such as shopping and planning and hanging out together. Don’t let one baat-pakki get in the way of that.
^ Yikes. It would be sad to throw away years of friendship over just a baat pakki event. I’m curious as to whether other cousins/friends have been invited or if it’s only the OP that has been excluded. That lil’ bit of information would help.
If a grown ass woman, old enough to get married, doesn’t have the social intelligence to see how not inviting a close friend to an important ceremony looks then I don’t know what to say. If this is some kind of “parent only” event then this issue could have easily been resolved by just telling OP that this is an event only filled with old people and not any close friends/younger relatives. But I have to wonder, if her family wanted to keep this more lowkey then why not keep it between the couple’s immediate family? My initial reply was a joke, but her cousin does sound a little shady. If not, just really dumb.
^Desi parents are also known to call the shots with many things in regards to their children’s wedding. You feel that it was the cousin’s decision to only invite OP’s parents and exclude OP. I suspect that it was the bride-to-be’s parents who have decided that only the elders will attend.
I don’t think OP’s cousin gave any explanation as to why she is uninvited. The cousin doesn’t eveb appear all that enthusiastic about the baat pakki; she seems kinda clueless. Now…if other young folk have also been excluded…OP shouldn’t care. However, if other young cousins have been invited …then she has more of a reason to be upset as she is being singled out. For her to create a thread about it…perhaps it means she has been singled out among others. Hopefully she’ll clear that up soon.
Every family is different. In my extended family, the baat pakki is a small and private affair b/w immediate familes and the rest of the clan (aunts/uncles/cousins) are informed of the match only after this event has taken place.
In my family, the baat paki involves the main 2 families, elders, and sometimes a few uncles and aunts. No friends or cousins are invited to such an occasion, so to me this is not a big deal at all, there is no need to take offense and lose your friendship over it. Reason is pretty straight forward and it has already been mentioned by previous posters. It may seem like a joke but this period is a fragile stage for arrange marriages, there have been stories of rishtas copping out when they see someone better looking in the family. Elders have their reasoning, don’t take it personally.
I had baat paki done over phone, but for engagement my parents just wanted close relatives only. However, I told them I cannot exclude my best friend and they invited her. So it is weird that she did not call you or even explain to you personally why are you not invited.
I found out the reason why - her step mother is insisting that this event be super small BUT it is actually because she doesn’t want her actual mom to be there. So now bechari is having two baat pakhi’s…and I am invited to both LOL.
It may not be true all the time but from what I have seen Nankay always get preference over Dadkay! when it comes to ceremonies for the inner circle in a Family.
