Re: Not covering head and face with hijab and niqab and dating
matineeesiren,
i agree with what you are saying, but what hum hein la jawab is saying, if i am reading what he has written correctly, as i hope i do, is that people who do this, have to know that Islam is not going to support this acts of frustration of a father against all his unconcious or wrong conscious ideas about his daughter growing up. so fathers like that must be taught in the same language that they will understand. the language of religion, only this time spoken truthfully.
just an opinion and it is based on observation on youth from immigrant families: common sense would say, no one should make the religion so tight according to own dominance-oriented ideas of entitlement on impulse that in an instant a father grandly murders his daughter over such a thing as having spoken to a male counter part.
having a meal with someone as a class fellow as a colleague is not a sin.
greater responsibility lies with the young pair who chooses to be togther, and one of the reasons is that they like each other's company. everyone does that, no?
now while it is alright to put responsibility with the growing daughters as well, to be mindful of self respect and not waste their time with anyone who is out there to hurt them or misuse the females' presence, boys and men need to disrobe their double standards, basically.
what you are saying about having moral parameters, out side of religion may work in a situation as below:
it is alright or not, if someone, let's say, a male, invites few people at his place (or even home of his parents or his own if he is rich enough to own one at this age), at a get together of adult professionals and in the house of a 30 some yrs old male, a woman or a group of women stay through mid night among other men, i think the moral reponsibility lies on her/ all the women personally, in first deciding to go there in the company of men and other women, and then to get out of the host's place earlier, and know what the limits are in that for their (womens') own respect. men ought to do the same.
& if a relationship is probably and afoot for marriage, then it should be a long drawn out courtship where meeting at all the social events in good or bad company is necessary. it is not.
what is really of a bother to immigrant muslim parents, who are very strict and reserve, is this magnified worst outcome expectancy, that they believe will take place to their daughters. and they only look at that as an outcome. which is a wrong way to look.
all responsbile parents don’t trust the world. that may have some truth to it and that is all the more reason why parents must teach their children good values and skills to tell right person from a wrong person. but when the parents refuse to trust their daughters and disallow them reasonable space, that is where the problem lies. thus, parents are only panicked and looking at the bad examples of spoiled and truly bad kids. and they don’t want their kids to be like that.
a boy who is in trouble due to drinking and smoking and is not good in school and is after multiple females, during high school and college, is also an embarrassing issue with parents, but they don’t kill their sons. some sons could be regularly, unfortunately, violating someone’s daughters’ well-being but then these parents are quiet.
ever wonder why?
this is obvious, then they cant say that their religion Islam is teaching them to do so. and so, what else they have to fall back on, than to shut their own daughters because they don’t want other people’s sons violating their daughters. double standards, again.
is it fair to the sons to be whoever they want to be and to the daughters, at all?
another example of hypocrisy: if you have dirty dancing and implicit tease present in, for instance, indian dramas and films going on in your home's tv screens and viewed regularly by you and your family, and that is alright with you. but if you turn around and see your daughter sowing interest in learning and taking dance lessons, you are enthralled and aggravated, what is it? despicable double standards, right? & similarly, there are layers and layers of parenting misses due to which this terrible tragedy befalls, confused and perceptually and morally very frigid parents.
also the responsibility on the teenagers is that they must show through their actions and attire and way of being, and choice of music or where they want to socialize with their friends, including opposite gender, so that parents have an overall sense that out kids are not on the wrong track. clearly, things are wrong and they must be changed for better in each case one by one.
in a nut shell, if fathers have a good understanding of their daughters, they will trust them as they grow up. and they would pride in being fathers of self respecting daughters. they wont feel scared if their daughter is talking to a male her age, a little younger or older than her. that way, parents wont have to go to this extreme of killing. and the world wont have to witness this heinous act of a father against his own daughter/s.
best,
Dushwari