Re: Not breastfeeding as living in a busy houshold
^ Plus, its always a lie. No mother throws her newborn baby in a corner to tend to a parade of guests and miraculously also manages to BF him while the angel baby patiently waits in his bouncer.
Re: Not breastfeeding as living in a busy houshold
That kind of thinking is actually part of the problem. A kid is not a freaking pet that you just throw some food in the tray and are done taking care of it. Each baby has unique needs and tendencies. Some kids might feed in 5 mins while others take 45 mins. This is where desi MILs use that "I raised 8 kids by myself and never spent this much time/money doing x y or z for them" so ur wife should be the same way. It's misleading the husbands to think the wives are using a baby as an excuse to be lazy. Babies need bonding with the mother and it has been proven that more contact with the mother actually aids development and cognitive functioning. So people should not be making blanket statements like it doesn't take that long to feed a baby when actually, it can.
Agree! My kids took a long time to nurse, especially in the first 3-4 months. It felt as if I was nursing most of the day.
Re: Not breastfeeding as living in a busy houshold
You know nursing a child doesn't take that long.
Uhhh what. Lucky you if so. I hope you're just being flippant.
Re: Not breastfeeding as living in a busy houshold
I'm still scratching my head at who all these people are that show up in droves to see a newborn baby expecting a women who just gave birth to put on elaborate spreads and entertain them...what the fraak...I must be in the minority because I have NEVER heard or even seen of this in my family or friends. It sounds so bizarre to me. And even more bizarre is why someone would even think or consider that they had some sort of responsibility to entertain people when they are dealing with leaky boobs and a screaming baby.
I was such a baby nazi then when the first of my twins came home from the NICU (his brother was still there for another 3 weeks) I didn't even bring him out of the bedroom nor did I let anyone in to see him. Last thing I needed was germs infecting my preemie. Seriously, sometimes our desi culture is so unnerving, I seriously find this concept of hoards of rishtedaar parading in and out ridiculous.
Re: Not breastfeeding as living in a busy houshold
Khattichic - you better believe it!! It happens a lot and I'm based in the U.k. My own mother discouraged me from nursing before I had my first child as she stated blatantly who would deal with my guests and I was staying with her at the time for support!!
i would like to thank each and everyone for you for you feedback.
Odd comment from RollaCoaster. I assume your not talking about nursing a newborn who could be feeding hourly??
Being on this forum asking for advice has really empowered me. I feel confident and determined compared to a couple of months ago. I do have choices and have a fantastic support system in place in terms of my husband who saw what I went through last time. Not only will I be staying at my own house inshallah, relatives and cousins (not immediate family) will be told politely instructed
by my husband, to not come until a few days after the birth to allow me time to establish BFing and much needed rest. I will ensure my mother informs them they have to call first instead of just turning up like they not all normally do.
Although my husband said it was all in hand and he would sort it when the time came. it wasn't untill you guys made me realise it was possible to make changes that it finally dawned on me.
Re: Not breastfeeding as living in a busy houshold
What's the worse that can happen If I put myself and my baby first? Let me see. Well my rishtidaar are very quick to talk and make derogatory comments. I can deal with it!!! :)
You know nursing a child doesn't take that long.
You must have Ganga jumna flowing if it doesn't take you long . Mashallah
My kids took 45 mins each. All i did was bfeed the first few months .
OP: people talk regardless. Why not give them a reason to then ;)
Re: Not breastfeeding as living in a busy houshold
Never heard of mothers stopping Bf due to guests .. 
That sounds pretty weird tbh. But then again, we don’t really have silly traditions of serving 5 course meals to guests coming by to see the baby here like it seems to be the case in UK. Most people don’t come by for the first few weeks/months and the family members who do are sensible enough to know what is expected from a new mom etc.
Never had any such issues nor anybody made any “talk” with any of my kids. You need to surround yourself with some different kind of people.. so much drama awein.
Re: Not breastfeeding as living in a busy houshold
I don't think it's a UK thing. I've never experienced this. We visited my cousins and other relatives at their parents house where mum, aunties, cousins were taking care of the guests. One of my cousin's had a very tough delivery, I thought they called everyone around too soon (it was only a week), so she mostly stayed in her room and no one thought it was odd or made any comments.
I dont think this is a "uk thing" i certainly wont be entertaining guests and overlooking my child. Neither does my mum expect me to.. Lol just do whats best for you OP. You kinda need to stop letting your mum control you and your life or caring about what people will say
Re: Not breastfeeding as living in a busy houshold
I dont think this is a "uk thing" i certainly wont be entertaining guests and overlooking my child. Neither does my mum expect me to.. Lol just do whats best for you OP. You kinda need to stop letting your mum control you and your life or caring about what people will say
I do agree. Some habits formed over a lifetime are hard to break. It's starts with knowing each of us can make changes to improve our situation no matter how difficult it may seem.
Another thing that bugged me was how my mother expected gifts of gold and Kaprah when my first child was born. We of course gave into this along with me giving all my aunts and relatives suits as a way of saying thanks for the baby gifts( which ironically my mum kept. Giving gifts was what was expected of me according to my mums rules)
I discussed this with her yesterday asking what was expected of me with this second child as she knows well my husbands side of the family don't partake in these stupid traditions. She basically said well you do what you feel is right.Her responce surprised me . I was ready to start a conversation stating I wouldn't want the headache of gift giving, I think she realises now I'm more of my own person now and not willing to follow everything she says.
Re: Not breastfeeding as living in a busy houshold
Ironically I have many lovely unstitched suits that would make nice gifts and have chosen to re- gift them after the baby is here. It would be to my gran and some selects aunties, my sisters etc. It feels completely different doing it because I want to due to my own happiness opposed to being forced to in the first instance.
Re: Not breastfeeding as living in a busy houshold
Ironically I have many lovely unstitched suits that would make nice gifts and have chosen to re- gift them after the baby is here. It would be to my gran and some selects aunties, my sisters etc. It feels completely different doing it because I want to due to my own happiness opposed to being forced to in the first instance.
Why did people gift you the unstitched kapra in the first place? I find it ridiculous when people do that in Western countries as it's expensive to get things sewn here and usually the quality is not as good as Pakistan. I guess it was the same rishtaydar. Some people do sew themselves but it's really hard with a new baby and all!
I am glad you are not letting people walk all over yourself!!
Re: Not breastfeeding as living in a busy houshold
Ur right, the people who gifted me the unstitched suits were rishtadaar. It was mainly for Eid. No one actually sews the clothes they receive as gifts, they get re- gifted..... by the same people. I have box loads of nice and not so nice suits so I might as well make use of them if ppl are expected gifts from a baby mama.
Re: Not breastfeeding as living in a busy houshold
Ur right, the people who gifted me the unstitched suits were rishtadaar. It was mainly for Eid. No one actually sews the clothes they receive as gifts, they get re- gifted..... by the same people. I have box loads of nice and not so nice suits so I might as well make use of them if ppl are expected gifts from a baby mama.
Why not break the tradition and not gift anything this time.
Re: Not breastfeeding as living in a busy houshold
You must have Ganga jumna flowing if it doesn't take you long . Mashallah
My kids took 45 mins each. All i did was bfeed the first few months .
OP: people talk regardless. Why not give them a reason to then ;)
No my toddler had been hyperactive ,interested in everything else but feeding toddler. I had some very bad days crying why wouldnt she feed properly. So when we she was young I would grab her whenever i could and there you go . She took more frequent smaller nursing times. She only took bottles in her sleep and still does because she hates bottles [18 months old].
Re: Not breastfeeding as living in a busy houshold
Why not break the tradition and not gift anything this time.
As much as I dislike these silly pakistani customs and rasams, I don't like to be the black sheep and move away from the norm too much. I dislike like being talked/*****ed about with relatives .I'm pretty sensitive as you may have gathered so rather than stand up to something silly like this, my thinking is I will just accommodate it.
I have made slow changes over the years. It comes from my parents who are very traditional having been raised in the village and I've grown up with it. My in-laws however are more educated and liberal and don't do these things. When I'm really against something I don't follow through, hubby always supports me and sees a lot of nonsense in customs.
I haven't even began talking about when my first child was born, what the relatives did to him. Jahil things like putting a sharp knife under his mattress, along with coins to stop nazar???? Only Allah can protect so what stupidity. I stopped them but found other metal objects. Another one was squeezing my babies head so tight to 'mould' it untill he screamed. Hubby and I informed my mother if we caught anyone doing that again we there would be trouble.
Re: Not breastfeeding as living in a busy houshold
I know I've gone off on a tangent but just wanted to explain some things are more bearable than others.
Another thing my mother discouraged me from was picking my child up or constantly making sure he was okay in his crib. She said the baby would be get spoiled etc. I was told not to nurse as I couldn't entertain guests etc.
When epI told my mother in law a few years back about these things happening along with getting no rest after childbirth, she said no wonder I got post natal depression.
Again I want to reiterate how grateful I am for the advice fellow gupshuppers . I pray things will inshallah be different this time and I can dedicate my time to being a relaxed and content mother.
Re: Not breastfeeding as living in a busy houshold
I have never heard of this before; feeding the guests when they are over to see the baby? You should do what you need to for the baby and yourself, If you want to feed the guests store bought stuff is sufficient.
And quiet frankly why are the cousin expected to help out clearly when say she’s busy? That sort of pressure just because it’s family isn’t fair. Hire paid help who can help with cooking/household chores.
@Reha Same case with me, a few people brought me food and expected nothing in return; I however did whatever I could on my own while nursing a newborn and two toddlers in tow (chai+baked chicken+cookies+store bought samosas+nimko) and that’s it. I’m sorry I don’t mean to come across as a showoff but I want to do it on my own because I don’t want to hear that they did me a ‘favour’