This story is of one of my neighbours and a somewhat good friend of mine as well. We share many things and this too is one of those.
She used to work in a firm in a good position. Although the firm wasnt too big but it had its name and the people who worked there all knew each other. She is a person we all know we would swear by for her principles. She has a big no no for love marriages and those who know her know that she genuinely wants an arrange marriage and is a parent’s doll and will abide by all.
She is a highly social person who every one knows and she has a very friendly light nature and would actually get along with any one at all.She is frank with girls & boys and as much as i know her, she always balanced between all well. Anyway, so while she was workin at the firm, she got to interact with one of the senior position guy over there. Now the guy was some one married with kids & as per her a happily married person. She became a good friend of his. They would talk, sit together, work together, everything. The firm itself has a very informal environment so that was all nothing too big. She is like that with every one but with him since he was married she didnt worry too much with the hoo-haas and just enjoyed it all. They both were like best friends but of course they did not have an affair or a liking or anything and i know that its true for her because she has always hated having affairs and all that. The guy too was apparently decent as well and always maintained a distance in the relationship as a friend.
After a few months, some one spread a rumour regarding them and it caught on & on till some one mentioned to her that things were spurring at work regarding her & him. She was extremely shocked & distressed. I remember meeting her that day and she cried liek anything that this is how ive always been social & fun loving and frank. It was never a problem during study and i was so comfortable with him because he was married and the usual issues wouldnt happen. So then things spread so much that he was fired.
Since then she hasnt been able to forgive herself. She still feels guilty for all that happened, she feels it was all her fault. Even if the guy was acting normal, she should have kept a lot of distance not because ‘oh its okay, he is married’ but *‘OH!!! HE is married, stay away’. *She still has a salam-dua relation with him but she feels guilty for ruining her own reputation & his even though she was oblivious to the developments around, even though things werent the way they were seeming to others,etc. She has moved on but on and off she keeps mentioning it and cries over it. She is being too harsh on herself and blaming herself too much for it. I know her well enough to say that she isnt the sort who would look out and have flings and specially not the sort who would ruin some one’s house, it was all in immaturity. She has asked forgiveness in Namaz, she has backed off many things, she is careful with every other guy now, she is reserved at work, she has changed her attitude a lot but still she cannot stop feeling repentance over it.
I dont know what to tell her any more. I know they werent of the sort but the Pakistani environment is of the sort that people conveniently pass comments and rumours about others. People love to gossip, make a fuss out of things, spread rumours but the effects of those get to so many lives and for so long that people themselves dont realize when blabbing.
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend and what she has been through. It is the ugly truth that people love to gossip, spread rumors and make a mountain out of mole hill!! Two people start talking and the world assumes something fishy 'MUST' be going on.
The firm itself has a very informal environment so that was all nothing too big. She is like that with every one but with him since he was married she didnt worry too much with the hoo-haas and just enjoyed it all.
After a few months, some one spread a rumour regarding them and it caught on & on till some one mentioned to her that things were spurring at work regarding her & him. She was extremely shocked & distressed. I remember meeting her that day and she cried liek anything that this is how ive always been social & fun loving and frank. It was never a problem during study and i was so comfortable with him because he was married and the usual issues wouldnt happen. So then things spread so much that he was fired.
I'm sorry i don't understand, why was he fired? You say the firm had an informal environment itself but then this rumor got on so big that he was fired? :S
No matter how informal environment a firm has, they still follow codes of conducts and have policies. If news of affair is spreading, most firms take such actions.
This is the thing: When we are grown up and responsible human beings, we KNOW what we are doing, what affects it could have and whether it is right and wrong.
There is a reason why our religion puts limits on such things but shhhhh Wane! Its gupshup! Cant talking about it here!
People do tend to make mistakes in life and if they repent on their sins,its obvious they never meant to do them in the first place. We all dont put a lot of thought into every thing we do, many things just tend to happen in oblivion as well.
People do tend to make mistakes in life and if they repent on their sins,its obvious they never meant to do them in the first place. We all dont put a lot of thought into every thing we do, many things just tend to happen in oblivion as well.
Repenting and "never meant to do" are not necessarily related. And seriously oblivion here is more like fooling yourself but anyways ...
Till very end of this whole story I was thinking that it must be in Pakistan . I proved myself right :D
Yea I worked in offices here and I know how bad it can get . Its good that she has changed her attitude , as sooner or later she had to . Pakistani offices are not just cutout that way . She is being very harsh on herself . Its life , things happen . One should not stick to them all her life . I'll suggest that she should go and talk to this guy . Tell him that how she feels and if he can forgive her . The least that guy can do is to tell her that sis its all fine and now I have a better job and blah blah . So now we are cool .
Till very end of this whole story I was thinking that it must be in Pakistan . I proved myself right :D
Yea I worked in offices here and I know how bad it can get . Its good that she has changed her attitude , as sooner or later she had to . Pakistani offices are not just cutout that way . She is being very harsh on herself . Its life , things happen . One should not stick to them all her life . I'll suggest that she should go and talk to this guy . Tell him that how she feels and if he can forgive her . The least that guy can do is to tell her that sis its all fine and now I have a better job and blah blah . So now we are cool .
They are cool with each other, he never blamed her for anything. Also, he himself was party to it so there is no point of forgiving her that comes in. They remained okay afterwards on their own ways but on normal terms.
Why she feels guilty is because she indulged or lets say was blamed for indulging in something of the sort she tried avoiding all along. What i could get out of her talks was that she feels bad for ruining her reputation and his as well. She feels she shouldnt have acted so normal from the very beginning and her social nature is not the right way one should be,it gets one in to trouble. She feels she played with her own repute and let her parents name down the drain.
I think if I was married...and a single guy got comfortable with me...I would feel the need to move myself away because I am married and do owe my husband that respect. Its not about having an affair necessarily, its the little things that end up leading up to them or rumors promoting them. The bigger responsibility lies I think on his shoulders because he has the wife and kids. She is single, unattached, etc. Who will mind what she is doing? Who does she go home to?
-At the same time, she knew he was married and should have kept her distance. It doesnt matter what corner of the world you're in or what color you are. You could be black, white, purple, etc...getting too close to married people or married people getting too close with others is a no-no. I live in the US...when I get married...if my hubby needs a best friend...Im right here. He does not need to go looking for one. Its not about Pakistan, the environment of the firm or being desi or not...these are common sense rules. Although I understand her perspective (he is married and therefore she doesnt have to worry about him trying to woo her), its still inexcusable behavior.
-People lose jobs for multiple reasons. When I got laid off a while ago...someone once said this to me: when Allah swt sees that your situation is wrong for you...he will create a scenario so uncomfortable that either you walk away or it walks away from you. This is true. What was happening between them was wrong...forget the eyes of the firm...in the eyes of Allah swt. The guy losing his job is a sign of that and a lesson for her to learn from.
-All you can tell her is to pray for forgiveness and move on from this. The idea was for this bond to break because it was unhealthy for both. Mulling over it will not do much aside from make things worse.
^ This. I also feel like the story is missing important details. It doesn’t make sense that the guy would be fired without any evidence that he violated some company policy or did something unethical…and for the guy to walk away quietly (especially if he has wife/kids). Furthermore, it doesn’t make sense that they would fire HIM and not HER.
^ This. I also feel like the story is missing important details. It doesn't make sense that the guy would be fired without any evidence that he violated some company policy or did something unethical....and for the guy to walk away quietly (especially if he has wife/kids). Furthermore, it doesn't make sense that they would fire HIM and not HER.
ya......the reason of her feeling bad/guilty might have to do with the fact that she was involved (like procedurally involved) in his firing and she didn't stop it.........and let it happen........consequently the gusy had no choice but to go, he was trapped in the 'procedure'........because if the woman spoke up both would have a job and some strong warning or something from the bosses...Team separated..and no problems later.......Direct Firing has to involve her own role
I myself dont know all the intricate details but i can elaborate a bit more on the story.
They never used to meet outside work, yes they talked on phone occasionally but the very normal sort of talk, not the weird type of talk. She has attended the call in front of me as well and its mostly been linked to their work or politics at work or the rumour that spread about them. I never felt it was any thing else, i am pretty positive about that because i usually sense that type of talk very quickly. I myself am sure the girl is not this type, i mean ive know her for 14-15 years now.
I see 2 sides of the story.
One, i agree the girl is generally very friendly with boys like she is with girls. She doesnt put on a reserved mode with them and acts as frank with them as her girl gang. This nature can put you into trouble when you normally dont draw a line. She would normally sit with him during work hours, meet in the cafeteria, talk on phone some times. Whether he was a colleague or a friend, since he was married she should have kept a distance
Second,what i felt was missing in the story was one other aspect. The guy was at a very senior position in the management of the firm. There were power politics for this position all the time. Since he was good at his work, people who wanted to over throw him were unable to find any other point against him and maybe thats why trapped him into some thing of this sort so that he leaves the job himself. And this is what happened, he saved the respect of his family, he saved the respect of the girl and forced resigned himself.
Its not about Pakistan, the environment of the firm or being desi or not...these are common sense rules. Although I understand her perspective (he is married and therefore she doesnt have to worry about him trying to woo her), its still inexcusable behavior.
That's the thing. We want to get away with such behavior playing on the conservativeness of our country and religion.
I agree with you, wholeheartedly..we all know what we're doing.
I wouldnt agree with this totally. Some times when your own conscience towards some thing is clear you dont tend to feel or realize the impending doom.
I am not saying she is an angel from heaven, but i am also not going to deny that she was oblivious to how his/her 'normal' behaviour was in fact taken as over the line.
Also, i am also not going to negate the point that Pakistani people do tend to make a Hoola out of every thing just because they have an imminent love for gossiping!
ya......the reason of her feeling bad/guilty might have to do with the fact that she was involved (like procedurally involved) in his firing and she didn't stop it.........and let it happen........consequently the gusy had no choice but to go, he was trapped in the 'procedure'........because if the woman spoke up both would have a job and some strong warning or something from the bosses...Team separated..and no problems later.......Direct Firing has to involve her own role
They were already in separate teams but had to do work together some times. The direct firing could be power game as well. Cant really say ..
