not alright being single. think again!

Hangout GupShup Cafe
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we all know that for educated, liberal and professional/ career oriented women, and for men our age (25 – 35 yrs old), it is an issue of a few major conflicts - marrying on time.

as young and hip desis, Pakistanis who are in the predicament of being assertive, self-respecting professionals, can they effectively defend their decision that they are still single and how do they cope with the social pressures from parents and siblings / or family and friends to get settled with a certain individual?

how to say this that:

“folks, it is my life, i can live it the way i want and i mean to do it - i will be a decent person, but to me, marriage is not in the planning in the coming few years, thank you.”

discuss, according to ur individual valuable experiences and obtained wisdom! :>

[FONT=&quot]Dush.

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Re: not alright being single. think again!

I think this isn't a cafe subject. :) You'll probably get serious replies in Life1..

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Re: not alright being single. think again!

i often say it straight n it works :p

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Re: not alright being single. think again!

Dushwari, there is no way you can convince them on that, especially when the rest of the gals n guys in the family are getting married left, right and centre.

However, after one has come out of a relationship , it takes time to settle down and think of another person plus it's a hassle just to think of all the problems that will follow.

The best way is to try and achieve more and more career wise, try to gain as much as possible and they would know that they can trust you with your life, And will leave you alkone for a while.

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Re: not alright being single. think again!

there is NO way to say it.. so either brute force (will be called names like ziddi, pagal) or will be looked down that "something" is up.. its more of an EGO issue.. that "hamara/hamari larka/larki ki to shadi ho gayi, apkay walay/wali ki kyoon nahi huee? koee masla hay kiya?"

so they take it as their bayizzati .. and regardless if your folks understand YOU or not, they wouldn't listen..

so yeah.. just plain denial.. bruteforce.. that NO!

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Re: not alright being single. think again!

Does that also count for fallin in love..? or juz for marriage..? :rolleyes:

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Re: not alright being single. think again!

and u sure u won't regret ur decision and won't blame ur folks or any1 else involved in ur decision? a situational decision is not something u can really rely on [emotions, feelings, anger]. if ur doing it out of anger/annoyance/grudge [more like against urself] then think about it b4 u put ur foot down. often we don't realize the consequences of our decisions only to regret them later but then time is long gone and so are the opportunities. so whatever u decide to do, think many times b4 commiting urself to it. u want to feel fulfilled and not lost.

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Re: not alright being single. think again!

thanks all, very wide ranging suggestions. it is true that comitting either way is hard. but, if the free spirit desires to be... free....what do u do? it is its nature, so it shall do what is the right thing to do.

Rhyming thread XVIII
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Re: not alright being single. think again!

Translation please....

gone with the wind.. Kuj samajh nai aya ...

Allah Hu

Baba-Geee

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Re: not alright being single. think again!

Bibi Dushwari app ki zindagi mai bohet si duwariyaa hai app kisi Gujranwala k larkay say shadi ker lai sub Dushwariyaa khatum ho jai gi

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Re: not alright being single. think again!

Dushwaari, very important issue indeed, valid concerns, no easy answer.

It's going to be hard to put your foot down, emotional black-mailing, mainly bcoz parents are faced with so called rishtay-daars, neighbors, and friends, all saying, what's wrong, aap beti ki shaadi nahin kar paye? Ya kia hua beta kuch aur chahta hai, aap nay poocha uss say? stupid baseless questions to spoil parents' din raat ka chaen!

It becomes little easy if you have acquired good education and reasonable job. Financial independance gives both the single person (Larka/larki) and the parents some confidence, though parents keep focussing on the same issue, ab shaadi ker lo!

Though you might feel guilty about not listening to your parents but living your life without tooooooo many compromises is definitely worth it. Kuch to log kaheinge, logon ka kaam hai kehna. Jitnay muh utni batein. kis kis ki sunein, in the end you can never please people. It's your life, and YOU are the most important person. If you are not happy, you won't be able to keep anyone happy around you!

Consider Saieen's advice too, think well, and consider all aspect before you are ready to go along with that decision, not to be woken up one day when it's too late! But so long, you are living a decent respectable life, at least it gives you the peace of mind.

Zindagi teri har ik saans se samjhota karoon?
*Shauq jeenay ka mujay hai, Magar itna bhi nahin :) *

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Re: not alright being single. think again!

you should all follow the sunnah and get married when ur capable of doing so.

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Re: not alright being single. think again!

Easier for boyz to say this but hard for girlz

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Re: not alright being single. think again!

^ By the way, good rishtas don't last too long. Don't be too late.

I have a colleague, who refused to marry when she was in her twenties, now she wants to but, all potential mates who were after her now have kidz and she is finding it very hard.

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Re: not alright being single. think again!

Others have rounded it up pretty well. Our (Desi) culture is messed up. Biraadri and relatives have a bigger say in an individual's life and decisions. Although it's changing slowly, but it still has a long way to go. The question parents worry about the most is what will others say? [Log kia kahen gey?]. WHO CARES what others might think, you can't screw your life to please others because you know what, no matter what you do, there will be somebody who is not going to be happy with your decision. So, one should keep other people's wish and happiness in mind as well but always do what's best for him/her in the long run.

Having said that, you shouldn't tell them straight up that it's your life and you have the right to do whatever you want. Although it's true, but there are a bit nicer ways to convey the same message. For example, like someone said you can have a professional job to support yourself. Money shuts everyone's mouth. Once you have money, you automatically gain confidence. Once you have confidence, you have the power to make decisions without being confused. So if you have enough education that can get you a professional job (i.e. office type 9-5 weekends off), you have a reason to put off your wedding saying you are focusing on your career and marriage is not on the top of your list of priorities.

If you want to look at it from a religious point of view: education, job, career, all that is fine, but one should try to get married as soon as you can support your wife or household, unless you have other valid reason to delay it, such as wife is still in school, family or financial problems etc.

Do you hate or love your relatives?
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Re: not alright being single. think again!

Thanks, folks.

Reading what you'all've posted up here, I know that it is time when muslim men and women have to get adjusted with a change in the social set up of dual income families. and do equitable division of responsibilities.

So hopefully, all people will get to make good decisions, in this aspect of their lives.

best,

DUSH.