With quite a vast majority of couples (husband-wife whether they live together or have just had nikkah), I have seen that its usually the women in the relation who take the relation forward.Usually they initiate conversation,usually they remember to say good mornings/good nights,usually they remember the birthdays and anniversaries that well, usually they remember to give a call to ask when the guy is coming home,usually they remember to ask if they have had food,usually they drag on the relation and the essence of fun isn’t there from the men’s side same way.
Of course, the men’s focus is on earning but women too on the other hand have full responsibility of the kids and household.For couples living together,it still makes sense that the guy may get fed up and may already have had the intimacy he wanted but with even those who are engaged for long and who have had their nikkah its the women who take it forward,in fact,drag it forward.In my own circle, there are 2 girls who have had nikkah,2 who are married and 1 who is engaged and with almost all its the women who are needy in terms of companionship from their men who seem to be too busy or too involved in their work.Also-these girls i am talking about are not the clingy desperate sorts.
What is it that makes the essence of a relation die out specially for the men in the relation? How are they okay with not asking about their women on how do they doing,how was their day, what is worrying her, etc.
1st and foremost, If you ask the husbands mother the same question, she herself would emphasize how he could do better in informing her, yet often or rarely he somehow fails to do so. But you seldom would hear his mother to be complaining about it. Because maybe she understands what the son might be going through. (work load, household chores, social life etc).
All I could say is, men do not have a predetermined plan to not give the wife/mother the attention they duly seek for. Inevitable yet obvious circumstances do mostly get the best of him. Its easier said (I'll be there when she needs me) than done (I'm there).
Could some do better? no doubt they could. Should women be on their case relentlessly if he fails to deliver and despite trying numerous amounts of times? I don't think so.
It is basically the some chronic complaint of the women about their husbands having "changed" and not paying attention to what their wives feel and say, and not being "caring" about their wives and all that. I wonder if the meaning of the word "Care" isnt simply not the same for the husband and the wife? Again, i think it is futile for the wives to expect their husbands should respond the way the wives want and expect. Normally, they shouldnt, why, because you cannot expect from even the twins that they will think, feel and behave identically, everyone is created on a different mould, how on earth can you so deny the gender difference, the basic thinking and the nature of a man and a woman.
Life can be much easier if both the partners are willing to listen to and understand each other. And it will not if one peron keeps expecting the other to follow their footsteps or assume that they should, by the use of some divine assistance, act as they are expected always.
I think our dear women folk need a change from routine ... something else to think about. Whereas we are quite glib in the mundane. If we are meeting their needs we move on to other stuff to focus on.
Basically it is about progressing ... in a job we expect to be getting a pay rise every year, but we should not expect our ladies to want otherwise. If we get a pay rise we should reflect that by bringing about a new change for them. I try to keep on my toes ... doing nice things for my wife as much as I can ... not always successful ...
My wife tells me more and more that I'm not doing enough and that makes me feel sad, because it means I'm not coping.
Wow, is there anything at all good about marriage? In the back of my head I know there is....but reading some of these threads sometimes makes me wonder why bother?
I think it just depends on the luck of the draw. In the last 5 years or so, lots of people in my extended family have got married. Some husbands do make an effort to remember special occasions and plan something nice. I have not heard these sorts of complaints.
Hate to say it but the only couples I've seen who the guys don't bother and the wives get sad are the arranged marriages where the guy is from Pakistan and from a background where they just don't do this kind of stuff. So they don't 'get' it.
And then there's some people who are just not that romantic. I like to do things with my husband but I'm not overly bothered about birthdays and anniversary's. It's more important that we spend time and communicate with each other - we message each other throughout the day and stuff like that.
I think it just depends on the luck of the draw. In the last 5 years or so, lots of people in my extended family have got married. Some husbands do make an effort to remember special occasions and plan something nice. I have not heard these sorts of complaints.
Hate to say it but the only couples I've seen who the guys don't bother and the wives get sad are the arranged marriages where the guy is from Pakistan and from a background where they just don't do this kind of stuff. So they don't 'get' it.
And then there's some people who are just not that romantic. I like to do things with my husband but I'm not overly bothered about birthdays and anniversary's. It's more important that we spend time and communicate with each other - we message each other throughout the day and stuff like that.
Wow, is there anything at all good about marriage? In the back of my head I know there is....but reading some of these threads sometimes makes me wonder why bother?
Peace redvelvet
I'm not sure you know that feeling about climbing a mountain and getting to the top and feeling great about it ... well that is the sort of blessing of marriage ... hard work brings great rewards. I would advise against people getting married on the notion that it is a means to become lazy while others do your things for you. This goes for both man and wife.
Wow, is there anything at all good about marriage? In the back of my head I know there is....but reading some of these threads sometimes makes me wonder why bother?
Marriage is like a bank/investment account....the more you put into it, the more you get back in return. If you deposit nothing but negative attitudes, brattyness and selfish needs, that's what you'll get back in return.
However...if you fill your marriage with compassion, respect and empathy....then..you get the picture.
Don't let gripes and lamenting on some anonomys internet thread define marriage for you...what you're reading here is just "dil ki bharaas"...
Is marriage hard work? YES!
Is marriage right for everyone? NO!
But like most things in life, the proof is in the pudding..so to speak.
Wow, is there anything at all good about marriage? In the back of my head I know there is....but reading some of these threads sometimes makes me wonder why bother?
Regular sex.
I think men should just purposely piss off their wives once in a while. It will give her some drama to dwell on, and then you get to make up afterwards. ;)
Marriage is like a bank/investment account....the more you put into it, the more you get back in return. If you deposit nothing but negative attitudes, brattyness and selfish needs, that's what you'll get back in return.
However..*.if you fill your marriage with compassion, respect and empathy....then..you get the picture.
*
Don't let gripes and lamenting on some anonomys internet thread define marriage for you...what you're reading here is just "dil ki bharaas"...
Is marriage hard work? YES!
Is marriage right for everyone? NO!
But like most things in life, the proof is in the pudding..so to speak.
But the OP here is saying that only one side is putting in more effort to keep it going by initiating the communication and the romance where as the other side has more focuses. what about such situations?
…told you so 