No to Jahez (Dowry from wife)= No to Bari/Vari/Bride Gold (Dowry from Husband)

Lifestyle Relationships
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1

Agree or disagree?

If no jahez, then no 17 bridal jorays and gold sets for the bride as well. fair or not?

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Re: No to Jahez (Dowry from wife)= No to Bari/Vari/Bride Gold (Dowry from Husband)

Agree and totally fair

3

Re: No to Jahez (Dowry from wife)= No to Bari/Vari/Bride Gold (Dowry from Husband)

100% agree. This is fair.

4

Re: No to Jahez (Dowry from wife)= No to Bari/Vari/Bride Gold (Dowry from Husband)

Of course it's fair.. Only a hypocrite would think otherwise ;)

5

Re: No to Jahez (Dowry from wife)= No to Bari/Vari/Bride Gold (Dowry from Husband)

Depends on relative ugliness, I guess.

PS: Pun intended.

6

Re: No to Jahez (Dowry from wife)= No to Bari/Vari/Bride Gold (Dowry from Husband)

I think most people will agree that demands and expectations for jehaz are equally as wrong as demands and expectations for bari, and that as a community we should do away with both. Ideally larki, larka ko do kapron mein rukhsat/shaadi karlein and that's it!

The problem though, comes when either the bride or the groom's family decides to "gift" the other side because they can afford it and want to shower their child and rishteydaar with expensive gifts (either out of love or a wish to show-off). That gift creates the slippery slope of reciprocal expectations for jehaaz/bari. How can any of us tell a parent/family to not gift their own child and how do you teach others to temper their reciprocal expectations?

7

Re: No to Jahez (Dowry from wife)= No to Bari/Vari/Bride Gold (Dowry from Husband)

Agreed but...
Jahez= bangla, gari, heeray, jawahiraat, crockery, furniture, kutay, billi, kapray, jootay, carpets...the list is endless.
Bari= some faltu kapray + maybe 2 gold sets.

Which larkay walay in their right mind will like your proposition?:p

8

Re: No to Jahez (Dowry from wife)= No to Bari/Vari/Bride Gold (Dowry from Husband)

Disagree.

Girl is definitely getting something*

*both of you,larka and larki, sit down and discuss, what he can get her, what she needs/prefers/plans, he should get her. It's happening in my case, and it's working smoothly.

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Re: No to Jahez (Dowry from wife)= No to Bari/Vari/Bride Gold (Dowry from Husband)

The ones that lack something and need to over-compensate.

10

Re: No to Jahez (Dowry from wife)= No to Bari/Vari/Bride Gold (Dowry from Husband)

Agreed! HOnestly this practice should be banned!

11

Re: No to Jahez (Dowry from wife)= No to Bari/Vari/Bride Gold (Dowry from Husband)

Gift giving is only polite. So gifting some clothes and a gold set or two isn't the end of the world, whatever the guy can afford. A gift towards the guy isn't the end of the world either. But to equate Jahez and Bari isn't accurate. He is supposed to provide for her clothes and jewelry anyway. She isn't under any islamic obligation to generate furniture etc.

12

Re: No to Jahez (Dowry from wife)= No to Bari/Vari/Bride Gold (Dowry from Husband)

Lol I asked my in-laws to not give me anything for bari, I didn't want anything. MIL said she was doing it for her son and she has so many armaan. MIL gave me these weird dresses that I would never wear and then later inquired about what I was getting as jahez. Weird people.

Anyway, point is that even if you are not the one with double standards, someone else will try and be a smartass about it. Offer bari just to demand jahez.

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Re: No to Jahez (Dowry from wife)= No to Bari/Vari/Bride Gold (Dowry from Husband)

precisely!

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Re: No to Jahez (Dowry from wife)= No to Bari/Vari/Bride Gold (Dowry from Husband)

Gift giving is definitely polite and it is a Sunnah as well so it should be done.

Unless I am mistaken but when is a husband supposed to provide jewellery for his fiancée? He is under an obligation to his wife to provide any essential items that she requires and that is an obligation, anything extra is greatly rewarded but not a requirement.

15

Re: No to Jahez (Dowry from wife)= No to Bari/Vari/Bride Gold (Dowry from Husband)

In the days when a woman was not allowed to study or find work, gold was a security so in case of a tragedy the woman wouldn't be completely helpless and destitute. For an illiterate woman it would be a necessity but you're right for a literate one gold just takes up place in the bank lockers and not a necessity at all.

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Re: No to Jahez (Dowry from wife)= No to Bari/Vari/Bride Gold (Dowry from Husband)

It's a highly encouraged pattern of behavior. It is not required if you can't afford it. But if you can afford it, gift giving to your wife, including gold and jewelry is something that is mentioned even in hadith. You can certainly spend your money in other ways, but if you're buying yourself fancy materialistic objects it would be next to assinine to not give gifts to your wife of a similar-luxury level.

And let's be honest. How many wealthy Pakistani guys will spend their money on fancy cars and watches, and football games, etc? So ok, great. Now go buy her a gold set. (If that's what she wants).

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Re: No to Jahez (Dowry from wife)= No to Bari/Vari/Bride Gold (Dowry from Husband)

Oh how far a man will go to justify his stingy behavior. Even if she is educated, she is putting in time and effort in taking care of your kids, all of which she is not paid for.

So if she wants some gold jewelry, why would you NOT buy it for her, especially if you can afford it?

So poor illiterate girls get gold, but the smart ones - too bad, you’re on your own? Ok fine, then you guys can cook, clean, and take care of your own kids. :k:

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Re: No to Jahez (Dowry from wife)= No to Bari/Vari/Bride Gold (Dowry from Husband)

so taking the argument to its natural conclusion - how much gold is needed to be gifted to a smart one so that the guy doesn’t have to cook, clean, and take care of his own kids?

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Re: No to Jahez (Dowry from wife)= No to Bari/Vari/Bride Gold (Dowry from Husband)

I mean, I wouldn't say no to a new BWM from my inlaws :D If they did decide to get me one. But I wouldn't ask for anything.