No ones ever satisfied at weddings

Lifestyle Wedding, Fashion & Beauty
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Every bride is beautiful, and ofcourse everyone will have their opinions. I don't think that I can look back and think about somone I know that didn't look good on their wedding. Pakistani's will always be Pakistanis. We're just breed this way in our culture. I know my aunt also didn't mean to say what she said, she was just favoring my fiances Khala in the heat of the moment and didn't realize how her words came out. I just got home from work and my mom told me she had actually called today to apologize because she finally realized about what she said and felt so bad about it that now she is making me a jewllery set to make up for it and wants to pay for the Mehndi event lol..
Some people are just oblivious and of course so many times they are just jealous too. I realized after that incident though, the best thing is to just stay positive and assured in my own decisions that I make about my wedding. From reading about all of your experiences I guess its just something that comes with the territory and your right, all we can do is ignore it and move on. :)

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What I don't' understand is just where this stupid mentality comes from? I mean, do they not have any idea of how much it could hurt someone, even saying something anjane mein? This kind of thinking really kills me, and it sucks that you can't even defend yourself either, cause they get all like, Haaawwww look how batameez she is, she doesn't know how to act, then it goes around the communtiy and ughhhhh!!!!! They're always judging and if it wasn't for my family or my in laws, I would definitely say something!

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When the wedding takes place in an environment where there is no barkat, do not be surprised when such things happen. It is bound to happen. If we change our ways of celebrating by adopting the sunnah, we would be saved from such nonsense.

my 2cents

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u knw i can understand aunties but when some one your own age does it...its like wtf.
for my engagement...we had a dholki the night before, the actual engagement, and a dinner at my in laws the next day. At the dinner one of my cousin came up to me and said..."rabia u knw u looked the best at ur dholki ONLY, too much makeup doesn't look good on u." i was like whatever...i liked my makeup , so did everybody else.
The same cousin's sister was teasing me how my mehndi was horrible and wasn't dark...they even jokingly said that maybe i shldn't get engaged to this guys...since my mehndi wasn't coming out dark and that proves that he doesn't love me enough.
How stupid.

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^ who are u to judge others without any evidence. keep ur 2cents to urself.

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Rabia it was a very rude thing to say that you did not look good on your engagement however i will give benefit of the doubt to your other cousin (depending how close you guys are) regarding her comment on your light shade of mehandi. she was probably messing with you..
btw you looked really nice on ur dholki :)

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^ thanks fatso,
ps i hate calling u fatso...since i knw ur not fat at all.

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^ :)

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Guys, I don't think that Cricketplaya has the intention to offend anyone. In a way, he's right. Islam stresses simplicity. I think even the Pakistani government, at one point in time, had issued a law curbing wedding expenses.

There are stories of people who put themselves under a huge financial strain to arrange a wedding ...(buying things that may not be so neccessary such as ice sculptures, for example). Unfotunately, jealousy and insecurity are a part of human nature. Example: One over-the-top lavish or extravagant wedding takes place in a family...........and then then some (not ALL) aunties/uncles/cousins may feel the need to put out an equally good spread when their turn comes to arrange a wedding (though it may not be within their budget).

Reminds me of that one scene in the movie, Bend It Like Beckham, where the mother starts planning a wide menu and says, "We'll show them (the in-laws) that we're not cheap people." And many times in desi families, competition takes place not only between cousins/khalas/phoopos/tayas, etc.............but also between the prospective in-laws (where both sides try to show that they're well off and can afford things).

******************** I'm not saying that ALL desis or ALL desi families are like that. There are people who are confident and don't feel the need to impress others. There are examples of couples who compromise on the wedding budget. But at the same time there are others who become insecure and competitive at the sight of another person's grandeur.

*******************THE MOST IMPORTANT THING* is that people (especially some Desi Aunties) need to understand that even if they are feeling jealous/bitter.......they can......AT LEAST.......make the effort to keep their negative comments to themselves. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it. Silence would be better. I mean, WE ALL, have been in situations in the family, at schoo, in the workplace........where we have to interact with someone that we don't like...........but we still manage to control our tongues and try to put a polite front. People have the right to celebrate their weddings (simple or grand) however they want, that can't be controlled. You can however try to control your tongue.

I attended my cousin's wedding several years ago. The girl looks like supermodel, but her attitude is not the greatest. Has treated me like dirt several times throughout the years(sometimes even in public), and doesn't care to apolgoize. She even behaved rudely during her engagement/wedding..................BUT...............still I acted like the bigger person. My family and I showed her sensitivity and understanding when she didn't deserve it. At that point I had lost all respect for her, but still found it within me to SINCERELY compliment her looks/wedding clothes and spend some time with her. You don't have to love or even like the bride in order to be tactful.

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Aww, I am sure you looked gorgeous! I look at my wedding pics too and say "damn, i have good taste." My mom chose the jewelery in the end and it wasnt exactly what I wanted but it was still nice. My dress was just about the way I wanted it and I went to 100 MUA before settling on the perfect one to do my wedding makeup and I am glad to have found the perfect person.

Sana I agree with you every bride is beautiful in their own way! People don't know how hurtful their comments can be.

And yes Sara, I know its not just the aunties it can be younger or older relatives even but in my case it was an auntie and this is the second time I've known it to happen. Another aunty was like this to my friend but thats another story

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And cricket playas comments put me off!! Uff. You can't judge people especially if you don't know them. To afford my dress we didn't rent a mehndi hall but used my khalas basement and saved money there. (I didnt want to put my poor mummy jee in debt!!) And we also did not have a cake (Cakes are more western anyways even though I wanted one) and we also got the wedding centerpieces at a cheap store but made them look nice by dressing them up by ourselves without hiring a wedding planner/decorator. I did all this not only to save my Moms precious money but also to not go overboard and show off. I mean why should I have an elaborate wedding when I can't afford one? Oh and we didn't rent a car either. We used my uncles nice car to transport me and hubby to hotel. Plus I read namaz five times a day, fast and go to the mosque for khutbas when I can. So there ya go, stop judging!!

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lol, this is sooo true! the aunties always want to inspect and give their comments on weddings!

even if the bride looks amazing, they still have to come up with some sort of insult! ohhh how much i hate some of my aunites! lol

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**I didn’t mean to offend anyone. It wasn’t directed at anyone here in particular. That was just my observation and I’m sure you and others have observed the same. No need to show girly girl attitude sistas! =)

For those interested: http://www.paklinks.com/gs/religion-scripture/408787-most-blessed-nikah-one-least-expenses-incurred-simple.html
**

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^you said "not to be surprised when things like this happen in a wedding that takes place in an environment that has no barkat." I would be insulted too! it did sound like you were aiming it at this situation and what you posted doesnt even apply to what fanna posted in the first place. In her words, she didnt spend a lot of money on her event...and still, people made rude comments.

its the people who make the comments in the first place who need to follow the Sunnah more in this case, not just the people in charge of the wedding....and you cant correct actions when behavior isnt appropriate. The best example of all is of how the Prophet saw used to deal with others, he never hurt anyone. Imho, if someone had a really humble wedding but then offended their guests through rude behavior or words, whats the point?

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I don't understand your comment because it has nothing to do with what was being discussed in this thread. Wether you follow the sunnah or don't follow has nothing to do with how other people behave, in particular aunties since thats who we were talking about? lol It wasn't relevant.

And my Nikah happened inside a mosque and some of my wedding festivities are happening inside a mosque? ... But that still doesn't have anything to with anything here lol
Places of barkaat are one thing and ofcourse, theres great blessings that come from holding religious ceremonies or religious events for any occasion but that is on the other side of the spectrum in regards to how others will behave with you and treat you...just trying to stay in tune with the topic. Anyways, now we're just going off topic, lets go back to being angry at Pakis and mean old aunties!

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What he’s trying to say is if you keep it simple, the way its meant to be in Islam, you save yourself a lot of headaches. IT’S JUST AN IDEA. Why do we have a mehndi? Because its a society norm. Why do we have a shaadi, instead of just a nikah with family? Because its a society norm.

There are no limitations or boundaries to a beautiful wedding and who ever can have it mA" to them, but keeping it simple is beautiful within itself.

Again just an idea, so no need to flip out.

Fanna, Im sorry to hear that :(. That lady is a pagal insaan, why would anyone in their right mind give rude comments to the bride:no:.

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I guess I should of mentioned, I didn't read the first page of this thread. My fault, I admit it.

There's been many threads on this subject recently not only on GS but other forums I visit. That is why, I guess didn't control my emotion, I posted here. Sorry if it hurt anyone.

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I must have misinterpreted your words crick but lets forgive and forget. I mean some people cant afford to go all out on their wedding. Whether it is simple or elaborate some people will never be satisfied. Simple weddings save money and are more Islamic but then you have those people that say "itna simple thah..oof. Kuch tho aur decoration karnathah.."etc.. people don't know how much they can hurt you if they say it to your face or to someone who may say it back to you but oh well. I remember I went to this awesome wedding with live music and the bride spent $$$ on live tabla players but no one saw them b/c they were sitting in a corner on the floor (haha) and when I pointed it out to my Mom she was surprsied she didn't notice them. To some, the placement of those live players was odd but there was really no other place for them. I am sure the bride was too happy to notice no one else could notice them properly..heeeheee

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A thing I am really not a fan of is aunties going upto brides on their wedding day and asking them if their zevar is real or not. I just find it rude and kinda distasteful. If they are really that curious about it… they can ask afterwards with some tact. But like asking the bride while she on the stage??? not cool. This has happened to some friends of mine and I was appalled when they told me about this. It really made them feel uncomfortable … especially since its not like the question was asked in a light hearted kind way… more like accusatory “tum ne aasli zevar pehna ya nakli”. :bummer:

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All these relatives sound absolutley terrible! Something similar happened at my cousins engagement where the groom's khala was badmouthing his MIL to be!

I think another aspect of cricketplaya's commnt to be considered is that if you a wedding is done completely simple without involving too much money spending then horrid people are less likely to get jealous, but then agin there will be the morons who say something bad about that too!