After reading the following article: No country for single women, aside from taking much interest in the assumption (held by some cultures) that “older” single women are “immoral”, it also made me reflect on some other key issues. Regardless of whether you are male or female, what do you personally think and why?
Should age be an important factor when it comes to marriage?
Should an individual look for a potential spouse on their own or get their parents involved?
Is having a career more important than being in a relationship?
Is it better to wait for “the one” (and possibly never marry), as opposed to “settling”?
Depends on the individual and the age bracket you are in. If you are mature enough to make the decision yourself, go ahead and do it yourself. If you tend to make irrational and emotional decision then its best to leave it upto the parents to decide for you. Also if you and your parents are on the same page, there won’t be any conflict so, either option can work fine.
They are not mutually exclusive.
From what I’ve observed, you end up ‘settling’ with ‘the one’ as well.
It shouldn’t but it does because most people are married by their 30th birthday.
Both work. Whoever finds the best suitor first.
Depends on personal goals and purpose of life. What if men asked that question? By your logic, Desi wives get neglected because the husbands are busy with their careers. This should not even be a question.
No, no one is perfect. Relationships are hard work. Happily ever afters are a lie!
Should age be an important factor when it comes to marriage? Definitely. In my personal opinion, it's really important for an individual to get married at the right time. This can be different for everyone. I didn't have my nikkah done until 25 which I felt was a bit on the late side but after completing double bachelors and post grad studies that's just how it worked out. I would have loved to have gotten married earlier but education, building my career and meeting hubby are all factors that came into play.
Should an individual look for a potential spouse on their own or get their parents involved? It doesn't matter. If you can find someone on your own, great. If not there is no harm in involving parents. I have seen both arranged and love marriages be very successful so there is no specific formula for which methods equals to definite success.
Is having a career more important than being in a relationship? No way. My marriage means more to me than my career ever will.
Is it better to wait for "the one" (and possibly never marry), as opposed to "settling"? Of course! No point is being miserable just for the sake of being married. What makes marriage beautiful is how strong your connection is with your spouse.
if you are looking to have your own biological chidren, then yes, it’s better to have them before a certain age, ideally before 35.
if you find someone yourself, great. no harm in having parents involved as long as they understand what you desire in a partner.
both equally important.
this is a tough question. sometimes ‘the one’ can be too unrealistic. its best to look with realistic approach. however, there are somethings that you can’t settle on. if you are really not attracted to them physically at all or their values dont match yours,then it’s better to wait than to be stuck with someone whos not going to make you happy.
No, not important. one should get married when one feels ready for the marriage and it could be early or late.
both works well.
works differently for different people.
should wait for the one. if you don’t feel good about the person you are marrying to or you are not comfortable with the circumstances that trying to push you to marry just anyone only for getting that “married” title, its better not to go ahead.
1 - Most of the things (if not all) should be done on the right time. Unless there are extraordinary circumstances, marriage is one of them.
2 - In desi communities I think the parents should initiate (esp for girls) and involve their children to it as well. Going alone on your own or allowing parents to do it all by themselves are the two extremes that I’m not comfortable with. If you find someone to your liking tell your parents (the parents should be comfortable/open enough to accept your suggestion and consider it wholeheartedly), same thing for you if your parents find someone for you.
3 - Ideally good relationship should not stop you from pursuing your career. Successful career people start their relationships early and build their lives together. Also having relationship at the beginning of your career is likely to last a long time since you started with zero and have seen not so good times together. Getting into a relationship after having established your career can be tricky since the other person might not be attracted to you but to your green card, bank balance, lifestyle etc.
4 - Upto a certain age (decide for yourself) you can probably wait for the “the one” but after that consider the reality and chose “the best available one”.