Re: Nikkah without Rukhsati
I got nikahfied one day before the wedding. The wedding as when the Rukhsati was held. What or whatnot, I dont think Nikah prior long to Rukhsati is a good idea. No thanks.
Re: Nikkah without Rukhsati
If my future husband makes me go through THAT, I'm going to thrash him with some random chair I pick up from the nikkah hall.
Publicly.
Ab bhi?
Re: Nikkah without Rukhsati
Long Nikah without rukhsati is much better than long engagement. At least it allows both husband and wife to freely go out on dates and understand each other.
Re: Nikkah without Rukhsati
;)
Re: Nikkah without Rukhsati
think it works best when guy and girl are apart and need visa stuff to be done. other than that, too long nikah and rukhsakti time doesnt make sense
Re: Nikkah without Rukhsati
Wow.. I was depressed and wrote that … and simply forgot about this group or the place.. 
So the nikah dragged on and on and on.. too weak to let go… finally last August 2014.. i gathered the guts to question my rights in court. and than as expected he used this a a reason to finally call it off.. and to the balls of it.. he expected me to let go of my mahr or anything that was my right!
long story short… the court tried to convince him to finally man up and just take his responsibilities and his wife.. but he got his massive EGO in and just insisted he wants out as he felt humiliated that I contacted the Court Counselors for advice and way forward!
Khair.. jo bhi hota hai.. ache ke liye hota hai.. been totally separated since September 2014..
But Alhumdulillah, my family insisted that I give rishtas a try.. n give up on men I chose out of love LOL 
They found a very decent guy, similar divorcee and has been alone for sometime.. so.. In Shaa Allah.. getting married soon.. n this time Nikah n Rukhsati EK SAAT 
Take care guys, love and thanks for all the support and replies.. I just read them but meant alot 
Re: Nikkah without Rukhsati
I like the idea of doing nikah a few week before rukhsati, so the couple can shop together and have joint mayun/mehndi functions. But it shouldn't be an extravagant event, something simple with close family members. Not in favor of drawing out nikahs for long periods of time, but I know of many people who were engaged and all was rosy, then nikah and one party did a 360 and was not who they seemed to be during engagement period. I'm just one of those very cautious people because I apparently am surrounded by more unhappy couples than happy, so I think all the precautions one can take are good. I don't think each event has to be an extravaganza ; keep everything simple until the big day. Yes, nikah IS marriage and if it doesn't work out you're labeled a divorcee, but for a Desi woman, divorce with a nikah and no rukhsati is still less stigmatized than a post-rukhsati divorce.
Re: Nikkah without Rukhsati
I think nikkah before the ruksathi is definitely a good thing- it allows the couple to get to know one another better than if they are just, say, engaged. After all, an engagement has no Islamic value whereas a nikkah does. My hubby and I (love marriage) had our nikkah done 5-6 months prior to our wedding- this was because my parents would only allow us to go out etc if nikkah was done. And I can honestly say that those 5-6 months were the best ever. We could openly go out together and get to know one another better without hiding or sneaking around etc. All in all, I am pro-nikkah before ruksathi for reasons outlined.
Re: Nikkah without Rukhsati
^In Islam the engagement is supposted to signal the intent to marry and that the two people involved are off limits to any other proposals, as desis we don't like to admit it tho.. Traditionally we like to think that getting married as quickly as possible with as little contact as possible is the ideal..
There's nothing wrong with two people meeting or going shopping together.. it's being alone which is actually forbidden and besides it's illogical for elders to not allow an engaged couple to spend any time together (at least with mehrams) when they're already spending the rest of their day probably mixing with the opposite sex.. It's more to stop people gossiping than being a "good" Muslim imo..
Nothing wrong with doing nikah earlier if that's what people want but it shouldn't be treated as less important than the marriage because it IS the actual marriage, it's too late to use it as the time to get to know someone because technically you're already hitched.. From a religious perspective an engaged couple shouldn't be needing to sneak around anyway because supervised/public meeting IS allowed..
Re: Nikkah without Rukhsati
Once nikkah is done in the eyes of Allah the couple are married ie husband and wife. This whole nikkah then wait for rukhsati is just illogical. Of course I get it if there are visa or immigration issues but despite that the couple are still lawfully married. The wife is now her husbands responsibility. And there IS an "engagement" period allowed in Islam. Its basically a period of time where the couple can talk and learn about each other under chaperoned conditions and will not look at other potential spouses during that time because they have committed themselves to marrying each other.
I was engaged for 8 months and spoke to my husband on the phone and he came up four to six times with his family and we got to talk then as well.
When we had our nikkah, we had our rukhsati on the same day and that was it. I moved with him to his home and was back with my parents two months later cause I had a year of study left. I went home during holidays and he came up on weekends to see me.
My family loved having me home for an extra year but I was treated as a married woman.
Also one more thing, when people say they have nikkah and then wait for rukhsati to get to know one another, then I'm sorry but that's nonsense. You only truly get to know someone when you live with them and share your life with them. Anyone can put on a good front during engagement. The real stuff comes out when you can't hide it 24/7.
Re: Nikkah without Rukhsati
If my future husband makes me go through THAT, I'm going to thrash him with some random chair I pick up from the nikkah hall.
Publicly.
Yeah that would be cool because chances are he'd die and you'd be single again after that. Hurrah!