U know whats worse? when you have a whole wedding (rukhsati, valima etc) but still dont live together for whatever reasons. its tough to have to explain it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.
as always people have their two cents to throw in whether u really care for their opinion or not.
Well Honestly it depends. Islamically there is no such thing as engagement. So if you have to make a commitment islamically Nikah is the way to go. Like others mentioned there are times when certain circumstances causes the couple to wait for certain thing or time till they can start their life and accept responsibility. If they dont do Nikah then there is reallly no commitment there not to mention that if they decide to see or talk to each other in between is haram itself.
So that's why some families chose to do Nikah as a means of a commitment. Nikah is a Commitment or a contract, Marriage is not valid until it has been consumated which is obviously after the bride officially leaves her parents house.
Also, to add on Yes there is no such thing in Islam to have a Huge celebration for Rukhsati But there is a Concept of rukhsati, which is the Bride leaving parents house with parent's permission.Or in other words Parents/Guardian handing the bride off to groom. That can be done at home to in a hall that up to the couple. *So she really cant run off with the groom between nikah - sending off time period without girl's parents consent.
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I had to do research in this topic for my cousion when her in laws wanted a nikah and a year wait and my family was not familiar with this concept. so thats why i know little bit of details.
Where did you hear this? Yes, she can 'run off' to her husband anytime after nikah!
Waiting for Rukhsati after Nikah is plain and simple wrong.
If visa paper are to be processed then waiting is without any choice. Even then, Rukhsati is not needed. The bride or groom should and can travel with suitcases to their respective partners.
@PCG..they can talk and get to know each other but INTIMATE meetings like i said before too are definitely not allowed..holy prophet s.a.w n hazrat khadija only had professional contact when he used to he help her with trading goods..BUT there was no physical contact..they had not even met. All correspondence was thru hazrat khadija's slave..and her uncle..She was only impressed by his well known attributes of honesty loyalty and loving nature
islam doesnt even allow a man n a woman who r not mehram even if they plan to get married to sit together alone in a room..there has to be an elder with them..U can see bukhari sharif 4 that..Am not sure which hadith is that..
Quran also says 'b/w a man and a woman the third person is always the satan'
nikkah is not advisable if the bride and groom cant live together because it can cause rifts and issues but when u have no choice and in either way its always better than an engagement which has no value in islam neither rukhsati..but these things r cultural! Been in our traditions since ages and are a social stigma.. :(
@sahar02
i dont have a choice coz my immigration papers would only start processin after my nikkah and they would take a year so i dont hav much of choice in this regard..esp wen my hubby to b does not believe in engagements!
So when am I saying there should be physical contact or sitting alone together in a room? I'm saying that prior to marriage, you can speak freely with your potential and ask them whatever questions you want (about lifestyle, living arrangements, personal likes/dislikes, financial issues, whatever) prior to getting married. There is no Islamic rule that bars you from that.
So, you don't need a period between a nikkah and a rukhsati ceremony to accomplish those things; they can all be done, and SHOULD be done before nikkah.
I agree with those who say that rukhsati should be done right away, ie same day or the day after nikah. Personally, this will probably not happen for me.
I'm going back home this december inshallah to get married. My parents are saying that we'll have nikah done so that we are officially married and all immigration work can proceed. My parents are saying that it would be better for me to do rukhsati when the guy arrives here becasue they are planning to have reception here in Canada too. Also, after nikah, i will only have 14 days to stay with him back home, so my parents think that it would be best if i wait.
But i on the other hand have mixed feeling about doing rukhsati later. I really don't know where to take my stance.
^supsup ..i know how u feel..m also having mixed feelings about nikah earlier but rukhsati later ...i dont want that ..but i havnt got much of a choice .. well yea seeing you only have 14 days after ur nikah , time is a major constraint but other than that i don't see a problem for you having rukhsati the same day as nikah ...rukhsati is just a formality ..u can later always have a proper big reception..that way you could also visit him in b/w. even if u just have nikah that too is ok ..as you have to live without ur husband for sometime ..rukhsati or no rukhsati ..it all depends on you..what do you want. if i were in ur position and i had no other problems i wud have gone for a rukhsati too the same day . :)
n i take that your hubby to be is in pak ..and u r in canada?? correct me plz if i was wrong :)
but m havin so many problems ..n i wud hav an almost a year period b/w my nikah n rukhsati ..as m still in my med skool and i dont graduate till 2011 feb ..n my nikah would probably be in march 2010 inshallah. n the last year at college is really tough .. i would want to stay at my parents' place and study araam se. like i said in my earlier posts, my in laws have a huge family here in lahore. there would be gatherings, functions almst all the time ..and being the 'bahu' i would have to be there.
secondly, i dont think my in laws would really like it ..my night emergency duties, then my daily classes till 4 or 5 in the evening..they r very understanding ppl ..but they would be concerned. i wouldnt feel comfortable stayin away for so long every day . and my hubby wont even be there as well .. :(
and final year is really imp for me ! i need to do well to get my degree. i dont wanna screw up after such a long time effort... n most imp i need to have my nikah done earlier to process my immigration papers..as the guy is in uk and specialisin there ..
every1z encouragin me that nikah wont be a problem ..my friends say it would be like havin a halal boyfriend for some time... hehe i dont know.. i have such mixed feelings ..but i wouldnt mind ..sari zindagi to apne hubby k sath he guzarni hai ..y not wait and hav a great last year wid ur parents ..with no worries on ur mind ..
and since we all KNOW that rukhsati is traditionally very important in our culture, y cant u WAIT ..n not be desperate enough.. :p obviously the nikah has been done widout rukhsati due to some valid reason. so one shud respect that !
and nikah can never lose its value ..its a scared contract in which ur makin Allah the witness. so i wonder y ppl act so irrational n end up gettin divorced. a little compromise, and patience can make any relationship work.. esp marriage, since it's with our parents prayers and elders' blessings ..and Allah's rehmat ..he puts love in our hearts ..
^well that's the problem. it has no place being so important in this day and age. it's got nothing to do with being desperate.
if two adults are getting married with their own consent, no one has the right to interfere how they spend their time afterwards in this aspect.
it's this whole concept of a girl first being her parents responsibility and then her husband's/inlaws. they have to define when this change-over happens, hence the rukhsati. to me, this is outdated.
Well nowadays one can nikahfied via phone which I don't think is something good at all...
As for rukhsati it IS important, it should be made public that two people are married(it'll stop all types of rumours).
I know some people who dislike things such as rukhsati etc. as they believe it's not Islamic but merely culturally attached.
^if one has quite a public nikkah, as in everyone knows, you invite your close family and friends, what more publicity is required that the two people are married?
what part of a 'rukshsati' exactly is important to do?
If it is a public nikah then I don't see the issue, I was talking about the people who have quite a "private" nikah done, barely anyone knows it takes place or people hear about it afterwards.
However a "public" nikah where everyone is attending isn't that already part of the shaadi(traditionally)? I believe Islamically one is supposed to get nikahfied at the masjid and then give the Valima, so I guess what you mentioned falls under that section.
The islamic PURPOSE of nikkah is to make it public - I know the minimum is like 2 or 4 witnesses but really, it should be made as public as possible for the very reason that people should not talk and spread rumors about the couple. That is why Islam has this rule. I think there's a hadith that says that a secret marriage is unlawful. I personally don't believe in this phone nikkah thing but hey, as long as it's on speaker phone, the audience is unlimited ;).
lol @ snazzy ..i totally agree..the nikah should be done publicly .. nikah on phone devalues it in my opinion..i mean its the most important transition in ur life ...and doing it just on a phone call is sad ..no reason for it seems valid enough i guess in my eyes
m goin to have a whole lot of gathering at my nikkah (InshAllah) ..which is a good thing..but i so wish my rukhsati was on the same day too..it prevents all the muddle-ups, the additional responsibilities, juggling b/w two homes ...
hey enigmatica, i think you're making the right decision. I don't see whats the harm in having Nikah first especially if you have 1 more year of studying . im also in final yr mbbs so i understand totally what you mean. Classes and wards are so tiring and all the married girls in our class keep getting supples all the time and its VERY hard to go to college when you're pregnant which can easily happen :/
And since your future husband is abroad, it makes sense in your case to have nikah first so that the paperwork can get done.
As far as divorces and nikah is concerened, well its unfortunate but it happens. Even ppl married for 10 years or more are getting divorced so frequently and the cause is multifactorial so we can't just blame nikah without rukhsati for that.
Wish you all the best in your marriage.
