A fellow forum member got me re-thinking about the idea of having a Nikkah a year before the wedding reception. I’ve spoken to Islamic scholars about this and they said doing this is OKAY if the the couple feel they have good reasons. Ex. If they are in school in diff. cities and want to finish up before they have a wedding celebration and move in together(me and my fiances current situation), but do not want to delay the Nikkah so they can see each other and start planning a life together, etc. Others have immigration, visa issues too.
I’m thinkin if we did this, that ‘excitement’ wouldn’t be there on the actual wedding reception day if you’re already ‘married’. My fiance disagrees and says people will still be excited about celebrating the wedding when it’s time to have the reception. A fellow forum member said she thought the way I did, but now that wedding time is coming around(and she had Nikkah a year ago), everyone around her is just as excited and it’s making it special for her even now.
We can’t really have a wedding and move in together till summer of 2013. That’s when the wedding will most likely be. If we could have the Nikkah summer of 2012 that would be amazing for many reasons and surprisingly BOTH of our parents actually think it’s a good idea. I think I’m the only one who is holding back and wanting to have it on the same day as the wedding reception b/c
Ruksathi is a cultural thing and once you’ve had a Nikkah the girl should be able to go home with you…but if you do this whole Nikkah a year before Ruksathi, you can’t do that…which can be advantageous to some and disadvantageous to others
It takes away that special feeling of getting married on the day of the big celebration when more family and friends are there with you.
You have to explain to non-Muslim friends why you’re “married” but are having a wedding a year later, lol.
** Has anyone done this or not done this? Planning on doing it? Pros & Cons? **
Re: Nikkah a year before the Reception OR at the Reception?! Pros & Cons?
Number 3 isn't really a con....i think the nikah is a good idea, because you can just see each other and nobody can moan about it. I got engaged 2 days ago and want we have a nikah 3 months before the wedding.
The excitment will still be there because of the whole hoo haa of the wedding atmosphere! I said do it!! I actually can't think of a con.
Re: Nikkah a year before the Reception OR at the Reception?! Pros & Cons?
poor guys have a hard time remembering one anniversary n ur suggesting two.
on a serious note though btw the third option sounds like ur luking for reasons not to get nikahfied before the rukhsati . .i’d sugest have a nikah cuz 2013 is a bit far. U will be starting ur lives together as a couple and ur wedding day will always be a celebration of the journey ur abt to undertake ,so i don’t think having a nikah a year prior will make it any less special.
it may be hard for us to understand the concept of living with ur bf/gf for years and then getting married but ppl still do it despite what it looks like to us.So I don’t think that’s a very good leg to stand on as in comparing ur self or having to explain it!. at the end of the day we do what is religiously & culturally right to us.
Re: Nikkah a year before the Reception OR at the Reception?! Pros & Cons?
Supergirl, yeah, the families(especially hers) would be a lot more cool about us seeing each and meeting up. Which would realllyyyyy make our lives easier. My fiance also says the ‘hoo haa’ would definitely be there regardless so it would still feel special…I’m marinating the thought.
Girly girl, 2 anniversaries? Tauba! j/k. lol. I guess the Nikah day would be it. It’s funny b/c my brother had a Nikah 4 months before his wedding because his wife was from Pakistan and immigration issues, so now my Bhabhi always refers to her anniversaries as “Anniversary no.1” and “Anniversary no.2” and my brother pretends to get annoyed and says “There’s only ONE anniversary dear, our Nikah day”, LOL.
Majesty, much praises for the sympathy on avoiding TWO anniversaries. That would definitely make life a little harder, lol. Thanks for the input…it makes sense. The fact that 2013 IS far is what makes more sense to have it this way I guess… Yeah, I suppose I shouldn’t be concerned about explanations to my non-Muslim friends, esp. since most of the non-Muslim ones are Hindu and would just go with whatever I told them
Re: Nikkah a year before the Reception OR at the Reception?! Pros & Cons?
Having nikkah beforehand is WAY better in my opinion ...... the day of the reception is sooo stressful and intense that you dont need another major event such as the nikkah to worry about
get it done beforehand so you can focus on your reception .... my sister has her nikkah on the same day as her wedding and the day just felt over-crammed and way to many emotions in one day .... spread it out i say .
Re: Nikkah a year before the Reception OR at the Reception?! Pros & Cons?
I think either way the day will be special, no matter when you do your Nikkah. Yes, doing it beforehand will result in fewer overwhelming emotions on the day of, but you'll still feel nervousness, excitement, because that will be the day that your married life officially begins. However, it may feel more special to actually get nikkah-fied and married on the same day. It's really a matter of personal preference and what you think is more special to you.
I would really like to have my nikkah on the same day as my rukhsati (even though it seems like I feel otherwise in my other thread - lol). In my opinion there's just something magical about getting your nikkah and having your wedding on the same day. But then again it's personal preference.
Re: Nikkah a year before the Reception OR at the Reception?! Pros & Cons?
^ Yeah, I totally feel ya ranipakistani. I see the practicality of having a nikah before, but like you, I also feel there's something more special about having nikah and wedding on the same day. The others in this thread have brought up some good points about having the nikah before though so I'm thinking about that too. We have a few months to figure it out so hopefully we'll decide on something we're both happy with.
Re: Nikkah a year before the Reception OR at the Reception?! Pros & Cons?
I wouldn't want to go through all the stress related to nikkah on the rukhsati day. I've noticed that brides who have had their nikkah earlier (even a day before on mehendi) are much more relaxed & blooming the rukhsati day because most part of their stress is already over. The nikkah remains special which ever day it is and rukhsati itself is a whole emotional thing altogether. Their specialties do not go away, just the stress level gets relieved some what.
Re: Nikkah a year before the Reception OR at the Reception?! Pros & Cons?
Majesty, much praises for the sympathy on avoiding TWO anniversaries. That would definitely make life a little harder, lol. Thanks for the input…it makes sense. The fact that 2013 IS far is what makes more sense to have it this way I guess… Yeah, I suppose I shouldn’t be concerned about explanations to my non-Muslim friends, esp. since most of the non-Muslim ones are Hindu and would just go with whatever I told them
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Np it’s based on** fact:** that men forget important significant dates of their lives:D. In our families we usually celebrate anniversaries birthdays at 12 am..so one night we walk into our cuz’s place and after the initial greeting he’s like so is it someones birthday tonight?. I just stared blankly and went like “You do remember it’s ur wedding anniversary tonight…hence the 12 AM VISIT.”.
He looked like he’d seen a ghost.lol. He quickly recovered though. it was their 9th anniversary… and turned out fun anyway.
Re: Nikkah a year before the Reception OR at the Reception?! Pros & Cons?
I got my nikah done last yr and now i will have my rukhsati in 2012 InshAllah.
the reason why we opted for nikah in place of engagement is because we both work on the same place and no matter if we are discussing some official matters and technical issues(we both are engineers so thats our work) people used to give a cheap look to us as if we are having some personal matter discussion in the office. We had our nikah 6 months after our job and since we are done with nikah i personally think that people have really grown up in understanding our relationship(as husband and wife) and now most of the time they dont care what we do. This really happens in pakistan :D I am sure things are pretty much better abroad.
and talking abt the excitement of getting rukhsati, these days we are busy preparing our wedding, every single person in my family and my hubby`s family is even more excited as now both the families know each other better and everything is so synchronised now MashAllah!
I am glad we had nikah!!
Abt this two anniversaries issue we already have decided that one anniversary will be celebrated with family InshAllah and other we will celebrate together alone InshAllah! :)
Re: Nikkah a year before the Reception OR at the Reception?! Pros & Cons?
Np it's based on** fact:** that men forget important significant dates of their lives:D. In our families we usually celebrate anniversaries birthdays at 12 am..so one night we walk into our cuz's place and after the initial greeting he's like so is it someones birthday tonight?. I just stared blankly and went like "You do remember it's ur wedding anniversary tonight...hence the 12 AM VISIT.".
He looked like he'd seen a ghost.lol. He quickly recovered though. it was their 9th anniversary... and turned out fun anyway.
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Haha, majesty, that's hilarious! I'd probably look like I saw jinn too, loll. Bichara!
Re: Nikkah a year before the Reception OR at the Reception?! Pros & Cons?
Makd, thanks for the input. It sucks people were giving you guys a hard time at work...of course we all know too many ppl(esp girls :p) like to gossip. It's great that the Nikah helped alleviate the situation. And I'm sure these things are a lot harder to deal with in Pakistan, b/c ppl are generally more easy-going and laid back about these types of things here in the U.S. in comparison.
You made a good point about the families getting to know each other after the Nikah and being able to synchronize everything for the wedding. I've never thought about that, but it sounds like it's can be a very huge factor. I have a family friend who's wedding broke off the night of the mehndi b/c the two families had so much built up differences and tension throughout the wedding planning that it finally all blew up on the mehndi night. It was really sad b/c they had spent a ton on the wedding, planned for over a year, it was the first wedding in the family on both sides(hence the soaring expectations), and the fall out happened in public in front of several guests. People still talk about 'till this day and I'm sure if the families had gotten a chance to know each other more before and if the Nikah had taken place things would have been different. BUT, Alhamdullilah both the guy and girl are happily married now to other people so it worked out in the end. MashAllah.
My point is that these things can make a difference and I'm sure even more of a difference in Pakistan considering some of the more rigid cultural customs and expectations there. So another advantage is when you've had a Nikah, since both sides of the family now know you are husband and wife, both are willing to compromise and be a little more flexible if you're planning a shaadi. Less tension = Happier couple.
Man, I never thought I'd get so involved in these forum discussions. I just joined to help my fiance get some ideas for the wedding, but you guys are pretty fun to talk to!
Re: Nikkah a year before the Reception OR at the Reception?! Pros & Cons?
yeah you are absolutely right things and experiences vary from person to person. not we all are living under same circumstances.
but since my nikah and one of my cousins nikah done before rukhsati the concept of engagement has been eliminated from our families and now every single cousin of mine is getting nikahfied first no matter initially their parents used to point fingers at us and asking my parents or my cousins parents that what is the need of nikah when you could just go for engagement and blah blah lol
Re: Nikkah a year before the Reception OR at the Reception?! Pros & Cons?
Yes and the families getting to know each other better is great!! I have friends who are planning their wedding and their families really don't know each other so it feels like they are constantly stepping on each others toes. Since my in laws and my parents have really gotten to know each other they were able to talk openly and comfortably about things like timing/guest number/joint or separate events etc without any tension. I feel like it is very true that the families will enjoy the main event more because how close both sides have become as friends and not just in laws.
Re: Nikkah a year before the Reception OR at the Reception?! Pros & Cons?
i know this is a VERY silly answer, but its my honest sentiments,
the only reason i would think twice about having my nikkah done beforehand is…
i kinda want my nikkah and “wedding” to be the same date so there is no confusion over what day we celebrate our anniversary! i know im a loon…but its somthing that worries me ok!!
That’s when the wedding will most likely be. If we could have the Nikkah summer of 2012 that would be amazing for many reasons and surprisingly BOTH of our parents actually think it’s a good idea. I think I’m the only one who is holding back and wanting to have it on the same day as the wedding reception b/c
poor guys have a hard time remembering one anniversary n ur suggesting two.
.i’d sugest have a nikah cuz 2013 is a bit far. U will be starting ur lives together as a couple and ur wedding day will always be a celebration of the journey ur abt to undertake ,so i don’t think having a nikah a year prior will make it any less special.
Thanks for the input…it makes sense. The fact that 2013 IS far is what makes more sense to have it this way I guess… Yeah, I suppose I shouldn’t be concerned about explanations to my non-Muslim friends, esp. since most of the non-Muslim ones are Hindu and would just go with whatever I told them 
i know im a loon…but its somthing that worries me ok!! 