im making a part two since nobody posted in part one anymore…
ok 1.5 month further…
situation betweens us got better to perfect… the wedding is all planned, venues booked. my mom is off to pk in two weeks for preparations! im happy!
and today he burst again:2 days ago he asked me about my previous love life after telling me about his (1 short relation in which he wanted to marry). my answer was: didnt have a bf/relationship but did like someone. he says: did u want to marry. i said: i guess i liked him enough… but its long time ago… several years. so not anymore.
today he saw pics of a holliday of mine in which ive taken pics wid male friends..sitting next to eachother.. not hugging/touching whatever…, pics have allways been on my fb page… he cud have seen them before. but he saw them yest.
the bomb burst when i was at work, he called me saying i was a european girl and ive lived my live and now i want to marry. asking who are those men on the pics?..he went on… all of sudden saying: u had relationship for many years (referring to d guy i like which i told him about)…
i came home n talked to him, asked him what he wants from me… since ive already told him there is no past and d pics were not hidden… he starts asking me about evry single pic, he wanted explanation… i didnt give it coz i was pissed off by it.
then he went on on and on… saying i dont want u to hug ur cousin brother either after marriage (who are 10 years younger)..
he said has ur mom n dad seen the pics? (seriously?!).. im going to call ur dad (but he’s chicken, it was just a threat, and if he would do so he would make a fool of himself.) and now i didnt show d pics to my parents, some info is just not needed. they knew i was on holliday, that was enough for them to know. and they trust me (had been looking for rishta 3-4 years)
he just doesnt understand i cant fight wid him at work (he thinks i enjoy work so much that i neglect him, and forgets im a doc and am freakin busy! and u shudnt take ur personal life to work arrrgggggggggggg)
ok now my bad side:
-i cant handle it when he gets in my personal area… its none of his business if i had relationships or not…
-i get very annoyed when he asked me explanations for evry lil detail… saying they were friends is not enough for him i know that, but i dont want to give any more explanation coz im not doing anything wrong.
what the hell am i supposed to say?
the convo we had 2 days ago, was amazing by the way.
am i stupid to tell him this? i feel he tricked me into it.
PS i feel like cursing
PS he lives in pk and we talked on skype once i was home
today he whatsapped me in the morning: he doesnt want things to b harsh. sorry...
3 hours later he called me asking me how am i doing. i said theek hoon. he askes naraz ho mujh se? i answered i dont know what i am, im not naraz... (in my mind i was super hurt, angry... naraz is definately not the word.) silence..... he said meine sorry bol diya hai parh lo... silence.... bye n he hung up.
mayb i should b more understanding, since his biggest problem is me finding it OK to be free wid guys... ofcourse things change after marriage, you dont even have any time to go out with guy friends... and i would want him to get know all my friends... guy ya girlll......
main point of the issue: he was blaming me for having relationship for years or in his mind probabaly many... he doesnt know how to trust me...
am i giving him reasons not to trust me?
i can imagine he seeing my pics wid 3-4 guys and asking himself that shes that free and she says no bf? ... but the thing is, i was alone on that holliday/internship achtually... and the other thing, its 4 years ago, and also i didnt hide d pics.. theyve been up on fb since then...
u know i feel so weird being one of those girls, which i allways read about and their narrow minded husbands/fiancee..... its amazing how things turn out for you...
i dont really have a question for you guys....
just want to know: im sure his attitude is very much possessive.... what do u think of mine? is there any way from my side to make his behaviour different towards me. he will allways b posessive, thats what most men are but u have to learn how to deal with such behaviour and things can turn out very different for you.
PS he is not violent, neither is he keen on coming to europe, he is well settled in pk, he has a issue with men thats it....
i want to learn him a lesson so he sees what he is doing... im not sure how, right now ive decided not to contact him myself...
yes i have. i only have one male friend and the rest are girls... and even with him i dont go out alone... but after 10 years of knowing him i feel that should b ok.
the pics were taken during and holliday/internship, where i was wid other students which were 3-4 guys and 1 other girl...
its not that im allways going out wid guys, not at all..but thats in his mind.
I've just read your other thread to get more of a backround on things. I think alot of problem is the different cultures pakistani boys always have this thing that girls in the west no matter how naik or shareef they are becasue they talk to boys they're corrupt. Now with your other half seeing those pictures on FB and becasue those pictures had been spoken of previously has probably made him insecure or think "she's western she's just another corrupt girl"
When you met him before Nikka, did he show any of these characteristics then?
have you spoken to your fmaily about the situation?
Hi Funky Nails, here's my humble opinion on this...
The guy friends of yours..are they better looking than him? That could be a reason why he is getting so insecure. He suspects that (assuming) since they are attractive guys, at some point you might have had flings, casual making out or Friends-with-Benefits with them even if you didnt have a proper relationship. For this reason men from are often insecure about settling down with women with too many male friends because its really easy for girls to take things in that direction.
You are better off with a guy who has a similar upbringing and has plenty of female friends of his own. This way he will understand your situation and wont get jealous. Imagine once he comes to Europe, he will be totally unfamiliar there with no social circle of his own. While you will have a well established network of friends, acquaintances and colleagues, many of whom would be men..both desi and foreign. You wont be dependent upon him for your socializing needs, but he will be totally dependent upon you. Things can get more sour if you bring him along when you go out with your friends and he doesnt socialize with them. Its difficult for a Pakistani guy to go to a foreign country and socialize especially with the opposite sex. It will cause him further resentment and jealousy. I know of 5 marriages that failed for the exact same reason...guy imported from pakistan, couldnt handle the girl has male friends she's too chummy with, suspects she has a sexual past, while he is a loner who has no one except her.
You should confront him on this issue. Tell him you see problems ahead of the sort I have mentioned above. Either require him to provide you assurity that he would be ok with it or to call it off. Put the ball in his court.
I understand your perspective...friends are friends...guys or girls.
But I do think you should understand his POV and take that into consideration. I don't know what he wants you to do but I don't think its a big deal if he asks you to stop hanging out with guys.
How long s it been that u guys have seen each other? Cuz it also might the distance that s causing the irritations ...and things start adding up (ghussa...narazgi...gilley...shikwey etc)..
Things will b better if u guys see each other again..
I had huge arguments with my hubby bfore our wedding... Just cuz we didnt see each other that often... So just relax. If he gives u an akward feeling and u dont wanna continue the wedding ... Thats another case.. Just think for urself what u want
I understand your perspective...friends are friends...guys or girls.
But I do think you should understand his POV and take that into consideration. I don't know what he wants you to do but I don't think its a big deal if he asks you to stop hanging out with guys.
like i said i dont actually do that....
but its just his way of telling me ufff i hate this
He seems possessive to the point of being suffocating. You should tell me that you are a professional working lady and have to mingle with a lot of people and you don't want to give up work, so if he trusts you then fine otherwise there is no point in getting into a relationship that won't work out and only create more headache. In that case maybe he should find someone more suited to his taste. You have told him all that he needs to know and to make a decison.
I told my family that who ever you choose for me must have gone abroad and co ed. because only then they (the boy) understand that it is okay for a girl to talk with a boy and not have feelings for him.
Its okay go on vacations with friends and not be all gora about it.
Its okay to have feelings at a young age because not everyone has control and wait till 20 and get married and not think or look at anyone else.
Also, you cannot change anyone. They can adjust par no one will change. So you also do not change for your self.
Men are same and different.
Its okay to have feelings at a young age because not everyone has control and wait till 20 and get married and not think or look at anyone else.
Its okay to develop feelings for someone at a young age but acting on them is not...!