Re: night time, spouse out late - is over rated
*So you don't believe coming home late [or "not paying enough attention" "not fulfilling his marital duties"] aren't grounds for divorce. * I think you kind of answered yourself: trust.
Dush don't listen to shriek11, he's probably not even married.....
but yea trust and communication are important like Dush said.
Re: night time, spouse out late - is over rated
shriek11,
yes, it is all based on trustworthiness.
double negative got the opinion confused.
what i meant here to be indicated and hopefully get clear is this fact: it does not matter what time of the day, one's spouse is missing, when one knows that s/he are cheating.
thanks, indopak. you are right.
best,
Dushwari
Re: night time, spouse out late - is over rated
communicating the problems in the marriage are important so that both can make time and work on the marriage.
But divorce should be the last resort. It shouldn't be that divorce is the first thing on a spouse's mind just because their husband or wife works late and isn't able to be there some days.
Re: night time, spouse out late - is over rated
But if trust is gone then I don't know how you can fix your relationship?
:ASA: 'Aunty' indopak, don't be jealous.. :ASA:
Re: night time, spouse out late - is over rated
communicating the problems in the marriage are important so the both can make time and work on the marriage.
But divorce should be the last resort. It shouldn't be that divorce is the first thing on a spouse's mind just because their husband or wife works late and isn't able to be there some days.
Agreed. While separating in a handsome manner is allowed in Islam, divorce should be the last resort. Everyone gets mad but this does not mean that you keep thinking of divorce everytime there is an argument. You might have problems with your spouse, I might have others might but we should learn to communicate and work things out. Patiance is also necessary in marriage and we should all learn to have patience.
Re: night time, spouse out late - is over rated
well said, Hum hein lajwab, about patience.
that does last a long while.
is forgiveness something that you would all say is feasible in case of a cheater?
if yes, then how many times?
share if you like.
Re: night time, spouse out late - is over rated
But if trust is gone then I don't know how you can fix your relationship?
'Aunty' indopak, don't be jealous..
:ASA:don't call me aunty.....eeewwww. :ASA: We're probably in the same age group.
Re: night time, spouse out late - is over rated
i like the way you said, eeewww, indo pak.
you never know if the kid needs to grow up. :>
so dont scold him :>
peace both.
Dushwari
Re: night time, spouse out late - is over rated
well said, Hum hein lajwab, about patience. that does last a long while.
i*s forgiveness something that you would all say is feasible in case of a cheater?* if yes, then how many times? share if you like.
in terms of cheating/being unfaithful, I think a person has to be in the situation to find out whether they would forgive and keep the marriage together or leave never to see the cheating spouse's face....
Re: night time, spouse out late - is over rated
i like the way you said, eeewww, indo pak.
you never know if the kid needs to grow up. :>
so dont scold him :>
peace both.
Dushwari
sorry dushwari for messing with the flow of the thread :D. Anyway, carry on all of you.
Re: night time, spouse out late - is over rated
is forgiveness something that you would all say is feasible in case of a cheater? if yes, then how many times? share if you like.
I think this depends from person to person. Not everyone has the same level of patience and not everyone has enough imaan in his heart. Imaan and the believe in Allah plays a very important role in forgiveness. Forgiveness is always recommended and a person should try to forgive:
...those who avoid major sins and acts of indecencies and when they are angry they forgive.
[42: 37]
And the recompense of evil is punishment like it, but whoever forgives and amends, he shall have his reward from Allah; surely He does not love the unjust.
[42: 40]
And if you take your turn, then retaliate with the like of that with which you were afflicted; but if you are patient, it will certainly be best for those who are patient. And be patient and your patience is not but by (the assistance of) Allah...
[16: 126-127]
These are just some verses. There are many ahadith dealing with this as well but I think these 3 verses will do. I cannot say that there is guarantee when one's spouse cheats him/her but it is better to forgive the spouse. And even for the cheating spouse, you cannot accuse him/her of cheating without varifying it.
And those who speak evil things of the believing men and the believing women without their having earned (it), they are guilty indeed of a false accusation and a manifest sin.
[33: 58]
Re: night time, spouse out late - is over rated
hum hein lajawab,
i am speech less. aptly referred to.. thanks for posting the ayaat. :>
indo pak, you are cool. best,
Dushwari
Re: night time, spouse out late - is over rated
Everyone gets mad but this does not mean that you keep thinking of divorce everytime there is an argument. You might have problems with your spouse, I might have others might but we should learn to communicate and work things out. Patiance is also necessary in marriage and we should all learn to have patience.
I experienced otherwise. Divorce has been so glorified in the Pakistani media that it has become the first resort under all circumstances. Its a fashion, something that looks kind of nice on your social resume, something almost to be proud of.
Everyone says trust is the key to this relationship. Pakistani society is undergoing a transition. Younger generation wants more social freedom, under the banner of modernity and independence, and is getting it too of course. Some of us are mis-using it. Being on guard about your spouse looks and feels cheap but I don't know what happens to trust in this new situation. The transition is more of a learning process for all of us in Pakistan.
On a side note, I find western girls (both Pakistani and non, guppies and non) having a more mature and responsible approach to the married life than the Pakistani girls I know.
Re: night time, spouse out late - is over rated
^ Is that firsthand experience?
Re: night time, spouse out late - is over rated
I experienced otherwise. Divorce has been so glorified in the Pakistani media that it has become the first resort under all circumstances. Its a fashion, something that looks kind of nice on your social resume, something almost to be proud of.
Everyone says trust is the key to this relationship. Pakistani society is undergoing a transition. Younger generation wants more social freedom, under the banner of modernity and independence, and is getting it too of course. Some of us are mis-using it. Being on guard about your spouse looks and feels cheap but I don't know what happens to trust in this new situation. The transition is more of a learning process for all of us in Pakistan.
On a side note, I find western girls (both Pakistani and non, guppies and non) having a more mature and responsible approach to the married life than the Pakistani girls I know.
There's your so-called 'Modern Islam' :)
Re: night time, spouse out late - is over rated
I experienced otherwise. Divorce has been so glorified in the Pakistani media that it has become the first resort under all circumstances. Its a fashion, something that looks kind of nice on your social resume, something almost to be proud of.
Everyone says trust is the key to this relationship. Pakistani society is undergoing a transition. Younger generation wants more social freedom, under the banner of modernity and independence, and is getting it too of course. Some of us are mis-using it. Being on guard about your spouse looks and feels cheap but I don't know what happens to trust in this new situation. The transition is more of a learning process for all of us in Pakistan.
On a side note, I find western girls (both Pakistani and non, guppies and non) having a more mature and responsible approach to the married life than the Pakistani girls I know.
man this is so depressing :( hamari ummat ka kya banne ga when wev'e come to a stage where we are loosing the one thing that wev'e managed to cling onto better then most societies; family!
Re: night time, spouse out late - is over rated
Been there done that....for as being a desi pakistani thug living in canada...give him space ..so much space that he will miss you and will leave all that other sh*T that he does at night times with his homeboys and be with you forever for every single night for rest of his life...
this was just a hypothetical situation just like Dush was asking, not from my personal life but you'll be the first person i'll contact if I need this kind of advice:D
Re: night time, spouse out late - is over rated
^ Is that firsthand experience?
Yes.
Re: night time, spouse out late - is over rated
Your experience might be an isolated one. Grossly false and totally untrue for mainstream pakistani population 
Well every society goes through changes.. good and bad aspects are part of package
Maybe. But it varries and depends mostly on the group of people you know. Other person’s experience might be totally opposite.
