If a parent is harming their daughter on purpose by denying her basic right to get married, should the daughter suffer through it because of what is said in Islam: “Uff tak na kro” ? What about “jo zulm sehta hai wo khud zaalim hai?
And second if a husband is evasive about where he lives after marriage , is angry on the day of marriage for no reason, he and inlaws demand dowry while showing 0 respect and lie about everything… is it ok for wife to demand separation right away? Is there a basic standard of respect the newly wed wife can expect ?
I would question the reasons..as to “what is harming their daughter”…cause some daughters don’t know ****…not enough info to give you advice.
She can demand separation…but is it whats best for her?..I’ll tell you right now..women who have been married and divorced its alot harder for them to get re-married again (unless she’s like a model)…either really old guys or other divorce’s will marry them (for the most part). It also depends on where you live, if you live in the west its more favorable for you to divorce..in Pak, not so much… If she doesn’t care about remarrying in the future and just living her life..than ya..go right ahead..
I wouldn’t have gotten married if that was the situation from the start..just saying..
Regarding first issue of not letting daughter get married, i am not sure about how common this is but its about an emotionally and physically not to mention financially abusive husband trying to maintain control over wife and (grown up children/who are adults) by not letting the daughters marry. Because he knows he can keep wife with him as long as daughters are there and wife is not emotionally strong enough to take kids and leave. In this case is the father’s right above the welfare of wife and children.
Second case: it’s more a case of not knowing before marriage that the inlaws and husband would turn out this way a complete 360 degree change. And marrying in a hurry because the girl’s mother wanted her to get married. Isnt self respect more important? No matter if its east or west? And what about later on if there are kids that kind of toxic environment wont it harm them ? Isnt that more important than any loneliness that may come from being divorced and potentially never getting married? Also here the husband mother in law are saying on 2nd day of marriage they think its better the girl go back to her mother’s place and that marriage cant survive.
If a husband is evasive and he and his family is angry over the issue of dowry with you then they are not interested in staying married. They are looking for a cash cow and someone to pay their way in life. I realize its easier said than done but I would not be able to love a man like that…a man who technically speaking…is not a man. I see no reason for my parents to have to feed him and his family. If they were not financially stable, why did they get married and take on the responsibility of a wife?
If you feed them now, you will feed them forever.
And no, if you get divorced, you’re not going to end up alone, miserable, unmarried or in some ditch.
They want the girl to panic and force her parents to support her husband and his family. The girl will do anything she can to save her family from “badnaami” including making her parents pay for her in-law’s groceries.
It has a lot to do with girls’ parents too…they do so much on shaadi and baraat that if the groom’s family is even slightly greedy, they start to salivate after that. This is why I am in favor of small weddings and intimate affairs.
no the daughter should not suffer through if the parent is denying marriage for no appropriate reason. I think that part of islam ‘uff tak na karo’ certainly does not apply in these things. You can not let your parents do wrong things and not say anything.
2nd issue:
yes its ok for the wife to demand separation right away If she feels she cannot cope with the situation or has tried to deal with situation…newly wed or not everyone has a right to be respected whether its husband or wife.
Please do not under any circumstances feed or give in to the in laws demands. Once you bring anything, the list will keep increasing every few weeks. A lot of families see a daughter in law as a means for lavish gifts and properties sourced by her parents of course. In some cases the ?husbands? are very cunning, they won?t demand anything but their ?mothers? will. Always do an extensive background check on the whole family. I feel these days people are in a rush to get married and we undermine the importance of background checks.
My advice is not to fall pregnant because this will make it harder for you to leave. It?s best to get out of this business deal as soon as possible. If they want a car tell them to get off their smelly ass and go earn for one. If they want a plot of land tell the mil to go get one herself first.
Please refer to this link below. It is a long read, but it is not a difficult one. It contains the exact situation that you speak of, hence I feel it will be more helpful to you.
I will list some points from the link:
The Prophet SAWS said that the marriage of a woman without a wali is invalid. And this view is upheld by the majority of the scholars.
If the father is preventing his daughter from getting married, the he is considered a “faasiq” (evil-doer)…and the next in line to become a wali will be another male relative of the girl (Uncle, etc). IF…even that is not possible…then the girl may have the imam/qazi be her wali.
As for your second question, I personally would refuse such a rishta. By shamelessly demanding a dowry, the guy and his family are already showing you that they have no khauf-e-khudaa, so what other transgressions will they make after the marriage? I’d rather not wait to find out. Let go of this rishta. Getting married to a guy of better character (even if it’s much later) is better than getting married earlier to someone who is clearly lacking in that department.