Let me clear some confusion. I am in Pakistan, and we do have maids.
Secondly, i never said they are devars my husband is the youngest. If he was older he would’ve straightened them out probably lol.
About the living situation. There is no combined kitchen. They have their own kitchen and we have our own. There is no sharing of tasks, poor mother in law used to handle all the stuff before i came. The Jaithanis pretty much live on their own and don’t help out. A lot of time their kids come downstairs and create a mess and leave , the jethanis never gave a damn about the MIL let alone me.
Sasha pretty much mentioned all the details, i am weirded out by how accurate most of that is!!!
So, i talked to my husband. He understands the situation and acknowledged my issue. But then he shared what he is going through and it has made me even more tensed. Thing is, if we leave the place, the parents would be left to those two and their wives. Now hubby and myself are there to help around the parents, get them medicines,take to the doctor, help out when guests come etc.But if we leave, they will be left alone. Now its a precarious situation.
I don’t know how to respond to this. A part of me peeved off at why do i have to bear all this, but then also i feel guilty for stressing my husband even more when he is in such a dilemma.
PS: Schebartsky, we are talking about humans here, not popping some pills out of some bottle. Have some respect, it bringing a human life into this world that we are talking about.You make it sound like eating kharboozay and having a dump in the morning. Thoroughly disgusting, i must say.
Yayy! Atleast your husband is being understanding. that’s the most important thing. And if he acknowledges that his brothers and SIL arnt very helpful and he cant leave his parents with them, then why cant you, your husband and your inlaws move out and buy a seperate home where you and hubby could have one floor and your parents could have the other? This way it would be less cramped and plus you would be able to chill on you own floor. Meanwhile your BIL and their wives can just stay put?
Why don’t you delicately raise this suggestion the next time you and hubby happen to discuss the topic?
Ps. You sounds like a lovely DIL who genuinely cares about how her parent in laws get treated.
You sound like a sweet and genuinely caring person. It’s nice that you empathize with your husband and inlaws situation. I would suggest that you find a way to expand your personal space while still keeping your inlaws in mind. Is it possible to build on to our portion downstairs, like add a wing to the side of the house? Or why don’t you and your husband explore the possibility of finding a larger place to accommodate both you and his parents? Leave the jaits and jaitanis out of the equation.
How about start with making the children clean up their mess. Don't offer them lunch or dinner unless the parents are present to help. You have to be firm with the kids. You have to set boundaries for the children and their parents. If you don't, they will continue to roll over you.
Main ttu abb bhi boltaye hain ----find a good Architect and see if U and Ur hubby can make some modification or expand the living area --and Trust MOI ---Ur and ur hubby sacrifice of time --energy and effort will not be in vain ---
ALLAH will reward U SOONER than U can imagine and U guys just recently married patience is the virtue ------------Again if Others don't care about their elders --let it be do Ur best what is available to U at this time and ALLAH will make it easy and easier every other coming events in life ------------------TREAT OTHERS AS U WANT TO BE TREATED -----------LOVE OTHERS AS U WANTED TO BE LOVED __CARE FOR OTHERS AS U WANTED TO BE CARED -------If Ur hubby elder brothers don't understand this --let it be -
LIFE is NOT UNFAIR --V MAKE IT UNFAIR WITH OUR ACTIONS AND DEEDS--------------------------------be steadfast as U and UR hubby can possibly do --and I admire UR husband for understanding ur concerns --again see if U can make some adjustment modification and expansion to ur living area based on ur economic situation ---if there is financial issues preventing the expansion ---have faith start with a plan and ALLAH will place mercy in Parents heart to support U --it is ALL in FAITH --
Take a LEAP OF FAITH on this one ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------DO the best U CAN and leave the rest to the Almighty WHO SAY "I CAN"------------------
Ok OP so now as you clarified that they live in separate portions then forget that they would come to help you out with the stuff in your portion.
for their kids coming downstairs and leaving the mess behind i think it has been going on like this since the beginning and your MIL seems to be a nice one who wants to avoid any chance of creating tension with her DILs by complaining to them about their kids mess( although nothing wrong with this, but some DILs do make a fuss out if it too), but what you can do on your part is to start teaching the kids about cleaning the space after they are done with playing and stuff and you make them feel that their help is important to you and their dadi.
many kids tend to help more if they are given the sense that them helping around the elders mean a lot.
on the guest thing, as you said you have guests coming multiple times a month, so if this is a same family that comes to your place each time then they must also start contributing to the household chores when they are staying. if they are not offering their help then perhaps you need to be a little diplomatic and ask them in an informal way about helping you with some stuff.
also as you mentioned you do have maids, you can get the maids to work more when the guests are over by giving them some extra money.
i hope this works out for you.
Yayy! Atleast your husband is being understanding. that's the most important thing. And if he acknowledges that his brothers and SIL arnt very helpful and he cant leave his parents with them, then why cant you, your husband and your inlaws move out and buy a seperate home where you and hubby could have one floor and your parents could have the other? This way it would be less cramped and plus you would be able to chill on you own floor. Meanwhile your BIL and their wives can just stay put?
Why don't you delicately raise this suggestion the next time you and hubby happen to discuss the topic?
Ps. You sounds like a lovely DIL who genuinely cares about how her parent in laws get treated.
not sure about OP, but in Pakistan it has become very difficult for people to leave buy separate houses without selling off their current ones. also the idea of moving out with only one son might not be appreciated by the parents as this would mean the other two sons and their grandchildren would not be in front of them like they are in the current living set-up.
PS: Schebartsky, we are talking about humans here, not popping some pills out of some bottle. Have some respect, it bringing a human life into this world that we are talking about.You make it sound like eating kharboozay and having a dump in the morning. Thoroughly disgusting, i must say.
LOL. I gave you the most foolproof way to resolve your situation without looking evil in any way. What's your update?
How about start with making the children clean up their mess. Don't offer them lunch or dinner unless the parents are present to help. You have to be firm with the kids. You have to set boundaries for the children and their parents. If you don't, they will continue to roll over you.
This.
Why don't you try to be a bit more firm with the kids?
It will make you feel a bit rude and might ruffle some feathers but it seems like its necessary because they're not realizing on their own.
my husband is the youngest. If he was older he would’ve straightened them out probably lol.
, the jethanis never gave a damn about the MIL let alone me.