Newbie here, question about marriage/intimacy

[jungleee]

…

[khattichic]

Re: Newbie here, question about marriage/intimacy

Have you ever spoken to a therapist about the abuse you endured? If not, it may be a good idea to start before you get married. It will help you learn coping mechanisms and become comfortable in bringing up the subject with your fiancé, because eventually, you will have to tell him what happened to you, especially if you start having PTSD (which I hope you don’t but is possible).

You are not a fault here. Nor is there anything wrong with you. Please take the help of a counselor who specializes in victims of sexual abuse and know this horrendous situation you went through does not define you!

[jungleee]

Re: Newbie here, question about marriage/intimacy

Thanks
I do see a therapist. But like I said, I dont know if it will be an issue for me so dont want to talk about it to the therapist, also because its hard to talk about.

[mahool]

Re: Newbie here, question about marriage/intimacy

You need to open your mind… you should differentiate between rapist and your husband.
This is certainly an issue, you should delay your marriage. Please work on yourself before ruining your upcoming relation.
If you can talk about it on internet… what is the problem of discussing with therapist?
Therapist or psychologist are trained people and specialized to work on these kind of problems.

[khattichic]

Re: Newbie here, question about marriage/intimacy

@jungleee

Thanks
I do see a therapist. But like I said, I dont know if it will be an issue for me so dont want to talk about it to the therapist, also because its hard to talk about.

Honey, I know it’s going to be hard, but a therapist is a professional. They’ve heard it all. And they’re trained to help you make sense of something senseless. It’s better to be proactive than reactive. Like you said, you don’t know if it’s going to be an issue for you, if something is triggered and you panic, wouldn’t it be better to be prepared to dea with it? Rather than your husband get scared that he did something to hurt you, you should be prepared and comfortable to have had that conversation with him beforehand so that he is mentally prepared and doesn’t blame himself or get worried that he did something wrong

[jungleee]

Re: Newbie here, question about marriage/intimacy

@mahool

You need to open your mind… you should differentiate between rapist and your husband.
This is certainly an issue, you should delay your marriage. Please work on yourself before ruining your upcoming relation.
If you can talk about it on internet… what is the problem of discussing with therapist?
Therapist or psychologist are trained people and specialized to work on these kind of problems.

wasn’t raped so f off

[jungleee]

Re: Newbie here, question about marriage/intimacy

@khattichic

Honey, I know it’s going to be hard, but a therapist is a professional. They’ve heard it all. And they’re trained to help you make sense of something senseless. It’s better to be proactive than reactive. Like you said, you don’t know if it’s going to be an issue for you, if something is triggered and you panic, wouldn’t it be better to be prepared to dea with it? Rather than your husband get scared that he did something to hurt you, you should be prepared and comfortable to have had that conversation with him beforehand so that he is mentally prepared and doesn’t blame himself or get worried that he did something wrong

yes i agree.. the more i talk about it, the more real it gets, the more i feel there is something wrong with me. I think right now by not talking to the therapist its my way of delaying and coping with it, although i can see its wrong.

[aqua70]

Re: Newbie here, question about marriage/intimacy

Hi Junglee, here is my advice. Talking about these things can be difficult because our minds naturally want to block out any negative experiences that we encounter. You have two options, 1)- Like every body else is suggesting, talk to a counselor. 2)- You will have to take it step by step with your fiance, I know you are worried about how he will react but it is so important that you guys work together. He will have to be patient, take it one step at a time and I don’t think he will understand that unless he knows why you don’t feel comfortable with intimacy. In the end, you have to pick with whom you are more comfortable discussing this. If you choose both options, that will probably be best since your wedding is not far away and therapy takes time.

and best of luck!