You all sound like really lovely & nice people too from the countless threads & posts I've read, so I find myself here to ask for interpretation and advice.
I'm a student, who isn't Asian, but I've found myself quite hopelessly crushing over a fellow student, but having never dealt with an Asian guy before, I have no idea how to interpret half of what he says or does because it's all very confusing.
Is it normal to be aloof & yet constantly present all the time? Also how would I know if he's serious? Is it a cultural thing to get his (asian male) friends to hint at his feelings rather than say it straight to me?
also a lot of threads here aren't particularly positive towards inter-racial marriages etc, and although we're different races, we're the same religion so that's a start!
Should I perhaps just focus on my studies rather than worry about this? Probably!
Ps I'm so sorry for the very long & whiny post, but my friends aren't particularly helpful, and my mum/sister will just scream if they have to listen to me talk about him one more time!
Until he musters up the courage to explicitly tell you himself that he is interested, I think it?s better to focus on your studies for your own sanity.
If you?re entertaining thoughts of marriage to him, at this point you don?t even know if his family will be accepting nor how much of a role his family?s views will have on his decision. So, that?s something to keep in mind should things ever move forward between you two so you can guard your heart as best you can, which of course is always easier said than done.
He hasn’t explicitly told me, but when his or my friends joke about it, he sits there and grins or just has a very neutral face. That and his friends seem to think they can suddenly interrogate me if I talk to any male other than him.
I really should with midterms around the corner, I’d be really grateful for any prayers!
Hmmmm you’re very right about the family aspect, he’s talked to me so much about marriage (generally), asked on how open my family are to marriage outside their own etc, but I’ve always been far too embarrassed to ask him anything back, in fear he was asking me out of curiosity.
He’s from such a huge family as well, so no doubt they’ll play a crucial role. I’ve heard (this is racial stereotyping) that usually they (pakistanis, asians) marry within their ethnicity.
Does it depend on what ethnicity I am to his actions? I’m more exotic than the three you listed, in such that we are a rarer ethnicity, and more western geographically than those three I don’t think I fall into the other category of being African either
This site won’t let me start a blog, so I’ll just add updates here. Also I told my sister about this site, so if you’re reading this, hi! Thought i’d get an insider opinion
Anyway, updated is we argued, well no, he was a little rude to me in front of a few friends. I ignored it, and responded as politely as I could. What followed is me ignoring him, insistent that I wouldn’t be the first to cave or initiate any conversation until he apologised for being short tempered. There was no need for him to be rude, but I attribute it to stress (which we are all currently under). I prayed that God always shows me the way to what is good for me - both keep me from those who are bad, and bring me closer to those who are good.
I thought maybe it was a sign.
And suddenly yesterday night, many messages from him all out of the blue. It wasn’t just any messages though, it was over an hour long conversation about his family, his goals, how many children he wanted etc. It was all pretty deep, and for someone who barely speaks, it was very unusual for him to just suddenly decide to open up.
However still no apology.
Maybe that was his ‘way’ of apologising, he added in many jokes, so I did spend an hour laughing. But it gets me that there’s no taking responsibility for being annoyed at me for no reason ( everyone was a little taken aback, its that awkward silence where no one quite knew what to do, other than glare or roll their eyes).
It’s for you to decide whether his comment is something you want to let slide or address. And I do understand that there are times when we have our reasons for letting things go.
However, if you should ever feel very, very unsettled by something he (or any guy/person) has said or done, then don’t be afraid to communicate that or to ask for a clarification or to even let him feel a chilly vibe for a bit. Giving someone your attention (and happily at that) can send them the message that they’re being rewarded for their behavior/offense and that you may put up with it again. It still won’t guarantee an apology, but it lets the other person know how you feel.
To be able to blog, you have to be a senior member. To become a senior member, you need to put in the time. There is a panel of us very senior members that convenes periodically to asses the qualifications of potential candidates for senior membership.
In the meantime, you can join us everyday in chat room at 9 am local time.
It was that I was being immature, and the fact that it came out of nowhere was perhaps why I felt annoyed, I didn’t feel I had acted in an certain way to warrant that comment, especially when his hobbies include gossiping about the Asian girls in our year, while I sit & talk about fashion or make up etc.
I tend to internalise all my emotions, which isn’t so great to show to others if they’ve done wrong, and like you said forgiving people so easily only sets up for future repeats of bad behaviour.
My mum always teaches to be as quiet and as angry as I like with people if they have done wrong - if they do not respect you then they don’t deserve your time or attention.
Usually I’m very good at this, but for some reason I don’t have the heart to be angry for long, again a sad indicator of what you let slide when you use emotions to judge rather than your brain.
Update: I may have joked or teased that he was evil, he looked a bit sad & offended. I regretted it & tried to pay a compliment straight after.
I’m not sure if he’s over it, but I guess he doesn’t get much compliments anyway (guys barely get any compliments from what I’ve seen!) so mean jokes hit harder.
It’s going to be all the way next week until I see him around class, maybe he’ll forget.
I don’t think I fall into the other category of being African either