Hey Everyone! Ive just joined today and this is my first post .. previously I have browsed around on this forum and found things that are helpful to me .. you all seem so nice so I decided I would join .. my story is .. mashallah I have been married 1year and 5month nw .. Im soooooo happy in my marriage couldnt be any happier Im married to the one I wanted mashallah it was a love marriage within family with everyones consent .. In dec 2011 I had a miscarriage an ectopic pregnancy .. seriously my world fell apart .. I didnt know anything like this could happen .. I was heart broken .. anyway since then Ive been ttc but no luck .. I dont know whats wrong .. Im soooo upset .. I dont feel like doing anything .. I keep worrying .. It hurts soo much .. especially when everyone else around you is getting married and getting pregnant straight away .. people don’t help as well who keep asking .. my husband supports me with everything .. he tells me its ok but I know its not ok .. I went 2doctors and they reffered me 2 the gynae .. I went there last week and they said they want 2 do some tests .. its all just getting 2 me I started crying there as well .. I dont want any tests doing Im scared .. and yh incase you dont know me .. Im the biggest wimp you’ll meet ever! I cry over everything .. cant even do a blood test without the crying .. Im soooo scared of getting things done …
I try to read my namaz alot more than before .. I read darood shareef whenever Im in wuzu .. after midnight I sit on a prayer mat and just do dua with all my heart and cry .. m always trying to get duas from internet .. I try soo hard 2do things that are right .. Im thinking of starting 2reat ayat kareem inshallah .. I know it might only seem like 1and half year but if someone asks me it seems like this is the one thing that I have been trying for .. Im the oldest in my family and the first 2get married .. I want 2give this happiness 2 my husband my mum my dad my family .. some one plz help me .. is there anything you read or a particular dua that I could read … I know that Inshallah Allah Paak Jee will bless me with children .. my hope is always there …
I was abit scared to share this at first as Ive not told anyone how strongly I feel .. but by reading some of the things you lot write I thought maybe someone will understand what I am going through ..
My next appt is in a couple of month and I dont want 2 go through with any major test etc Im toooo scared .. I just pray that inbetween this time inshallah Allah Paak Jee mujhpe karam kar de … I hope you all understand me .. sorry for the loooong msg .. x
Sonipari, you need to have the tests done to see if everything is how it should be. It wont hurt!
Stress lowers your chances of conceiving, try not to think about it.. don’t stress yourself out. On average it takes a healthy couple about a year to conceive … don’t worry!!!
I’ll pray for you iA.
Im tooo scared tho .. i told the doctor straight away I dont want any tests done .. she did look a bit worried but I cant face up2 it tho .. I do try thinking positive and try to relax but it doesn't work :( .. Im always thinking about this .. when I had an ectopic they did surgery it was so sudden I didn't even have the chance to think whats going on .. but now that I know Im too scared .. the doctor said she wants to do laparoscopy with me being asleep or the dye test with me awake! everyone who knows me knows I cant do pain Im sooo scared .. when they did that surgery on me for the ectopic I thought I was gna die .. that's the only thing that I kept saying .. will I wake up after it??? will I?? ... when I conceived last year mashallah it happened straight away .. and now its been so long .. I dont understand what going on nw .. I just hope and pray that I become pregnant before going back inshallah!
I know you may not like me for saying this but honestly you are soo newly married that I suggest taking it easy and enjoy your time with your hubby.. go to places, watch late night movies, read books, once that lil bundle of joy arrives, you will not have time for any of this.
Docs usually suggest trying for at least 1 year for a healthy couple to conceive.. dont worry abut it for a year at least.. it will happen inshaAllah! the TTC is so overwhelming that you really depriving yourself and your husband of some fun times that you two can spend together while keeping the baby making on a back burner for just a lil while!
Thankyou Gemini the Great x .. I understand where you're coming from I know it might sound abit ott for only being married 1and half year but seriously in our families its like a tradition of getting pregnant straight away .. if I wasn't so bothered about it it wouldn't have mattered as not every couple do decide to get pregnant straight away but I am Im dying 2be pregnant!! I really really want to! I cant wait for the day I hear I am and that the baby is where is should be .. 5 of my friends at the moment are pregnant and all of them got married either same as me or even after .. I'm happy for them mashallah they're really lucky girls! just wish I was also pregnant :( .. I have the best husband in the world mashallah!! we do enjoy as well .. Its still as if we got married yesterday the way we sometimes act lol but maybe that knowing I was pregnant and I lost it I just really want to have my own baby now .. my mum is also quite upset about it .. she doesn't show it but I know that she also wants me to .. I cant explain to you how happy she was when I had told her about when I was pregnant last year!! she was literally jumping up and down she was soooooo happy :( .. more than anything I would just like a little baby of my own .. Ive always wanted to have a baby straight away ... Inshallah I will do soon .. umeed to hai .. Thankyou for trying to make me understand .. I know your trying to help .. of course Im not gna not like you .. Im here so that you all can help/support me in my difficult time .. I really appreciate it
Hi sonipari…firsly, you sound so worried and upset, relax babe! :k: Were you this stressed when you conceived for the first time? I had a miscarriage this january too, and mine wasnt a planned pregnancy but it was pretty devastating. I know you cannot stop thinking about it, but trust me, it probably had some behtari in it. Thats how I’ve started thinking. Its good that you’re praying, just keep praying and ask Allah to make it right for you at the right time. Everything has a time for it and we cant make it happen earlier or push it forward. Eat healthy, have your multi vitamins and just go with the flow. I’ve been married for 2.5 yrs, and we are not planning a baby yet but i think we would by next year. However, if something happens before that, we’d be more than happy about it…so just go with the flow and dont stress on it Enjoy your time with your husband and inlaws, family and friends and it shall happen when you least expect it…lots of hugs and prayers for you
ayeshaz thanx hun! .. I do try calming myself and not getting too worked up about it .. but every other day I cry 2my husband and say whyy whyy whyy! .. no I wasnt like this when I conceived the first time as thats the first time I ttc didnt think anything of it and found out I was pregnant! I was soooo over the moon :D .. Im sorry to hear about your pregnany aswell .. Hope you do go on to have healthy children when you decide to inshallah ...
I do pray with all my heart and do try to do other stuff as well whatever I can .. I ask for children for everyone first and then for me .. as now I know the feeling of trying and trying and not getting anymore .. I try telling myself that Allah Paak Jee knows best and maybe if that pregnancy ended it was for the best .. I have hope thats always gna be there .. Allah Paak Jee mushkilo ko asaaan karne wale hai .. its the tests that are really scaring me nw .. just hope I conceive naturally inshallah .. tanx again hunii
I WONT say that DONT stress out. bcoz its something thats not in your control. However you can keep yourself busy with your inlaws and your husbands.. raed prayers regularly (i know you're already doing it).. and inspite of all that DONT behave childish. I too like you was (i still am) too afraid of needles, blood and all the docsss.. still they are there to trace whats wrong. All the best for everything! Cheers:)
sonipari - My story was similar to yours. I had a miscarriage 2 months after getting married. It messed up my body and my menstrual cycle. I didn't try again for 1.5 years. When I did start trying after 1.5 years of marriage it wasn't happening. Month after month I faced disappointment. I cried so much and felt so helpless and depressed. When I finally got help from a fertility specialist I fell pregnant on my 2nd cycle of treatment alhumdolilah. I am due in 6 weeks and can't wait to meet my little bundle of joy (InshaAllah).
Don't worry, be patient, get the medical help you need and make lots of dua and pray! Allah will bless you when the time is right for you. He has a plan for everyone! Just trust in him and don't fret. Don't waste your time being depressed like I did. I will never get those first 2 years of my marriage back that I spent being all depressed. Keep your head up. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger!
Try to relax coz you won't get pregnant if you're stressed. I've gone through this. I miscarried three times (2nd was an ectopic pregnancy). I didn't had any support from my husband coz he didn't know how to deal with it. After 2,5 years of marriage i decided to let it go.. And yeah in the same month I got pregnant of my daughter (who is almost 1 year now). And I'm pregnant again... 4 months now Mashallah!! So please don't be stressed...
Hey and DEEP Breath,
u really need to relax. You come across as very very tense which is not good. Also the tests are there to help you figure out how best to achieve your goal. And you are lucky too mashaAllah, you have a supportive husband, so dnt keep comparing yourself to your friends.
And as far as people go, I now just smile at them and said Bas app dua Karein aagey Allah ki marzi. In one ear out the next.
u r putting so much pressure on yourself thinking it has to happen NOW, as every1 in your family gets pregnant straight away and your mum is worried. Have a heart to heart with your mum and tell her that her expectations are elevating your stress levels. TTC is a fun process :D so dnt be upset ok?
on a positive note you know u can get pregnant as it happened before so your chances of conceiving a healthy baby is higher.
As much as the stress is not in one’s hands to control really, I think you need to have a re approach towards life. You are very lucky ma sha Allah, as it is, to have a very happy married life ma sha Allah. Why you want kids this bad is obviously because this is the next stage of one’s life. Marriage. and then kids. That is understood. But only because its like a tradition that in your family one gets pregnant right after marriage so you SHOULD be pregnant too doesnt make a possible sense to me. Its not like every one in the family has x house and y car so I should have one too.
Children are something you can never deliberately have or not have, for that matter. I know people who tried for as long as 15 years and were blessed then. I know people who are still issueless after 25 years of a very happy and healthy marriage. And I also know those who DID NOT WANT babies but had to have them in their early married life, without any plans or even a prethought. So one thing that you should basically tell yourself is that ITS NOT IN YOUR OR ANY ONE"S HANDS EXCEPT ALLAH.
I felt happy to read how you are keeping up with the namaz and you read durood shareef and you stay on prayer mat after mid night (the tahajud time, which is ma sha Allah very favorable for acknowledgement of one’s prayers). BUT BUT BUT we are not trading anything with Allah. What we do know is that He is Merciful and He never returns the prayers unfulfilled. Just a matter of time it is. So just hang on there, and In sha Allah, HE will listen soon.
Now the second part of my post is what worried me as well as kinda provoked me to post here too. you want children and you are afraid of PAIN? Well Pregnancy is NOT AN EASY RIDE. Ask the pregnanct women really, there much more than a glowing face and a lovely baby bump that a pregger has to go through. Just as much as pregnancy is not a disease, its NOT a fun time either. You have been pregnant already but maybe this time you will know how scared one actually commences this journey when one starts it full of longings and desires. I conceived after two years of marriage and Allah knows I would be scared to even put my foot on floor what if anything untoward happens! And these are only fears of losing something which is the precious most. And then there are problems, pain, during pregnancy and after. And then raising kids. My point basically being, you want kids? Be prepared. Be determined rather. If I were you, I would have happily gone for tests and anything that would help me get what I want. So come out of this confusion atleast. Babies or Pains. Because they both are synonymous anyway
You wanted some duas. There are plenty of them mentioned in the Quran, by the prophets. People are suggested to read them and their prayers are fulfilled too.
Supplication of Hazrat Ibrahim (2:128) and (37:100)
Supplication of Hazrat Zachariah (3:38) and (21:89)
These duas are very effective ma sha Allah. I hope you will find them easily in Quran and they will be helpful too. May Allah bless you with naik and saleh aulad soon. Ameen.
I WONT say that DONT stress out. bcoz its something thats not in your control. However you can keep yourself busy with your inlaws and your husbands.. raed prayers regularly (i know you're already doing it).. and inspite of all that DONT behave childish. I too like you was (i still am) too afraid of needles, blood and all the docsss.. still they are there to trace whats wrong. All the best for everything! Cheers:)
Thankyou tashfeen, before going to the docs or having a blood test etc Im always telling mself I have to be strong .. I have 2 do this .. I do try .. I really want to be more brave .. my younger sister is braver than me lol she's the one who sits me down and tells me .. come on you can do it! thanx! x
sonipari - My story was similar to yours. I had a miscarriage 2 months after getting married. It messed up my body and my menstrual cycle. I didn't try again for 1.5 years. When I did start trying after 1.5 years of marriage it wasn't happening. Month after month I faced disappointment. I cried so much and felt so helpless and depressed. When I finally got help from a fertility specialist I fell pregnant on my 2nd cycle of treatment alhumdolilah. I am due in 6 weeks and can't wait to meet my little bundle of joy (InshaAllah).
Don't worry, be patient, get the medical help you need and make lots of dua and pray! Allah will bless you when the time is right for you. He has a plan for everyone! Just trust in him and don't fret. Don't waste your time being depressed like I did. I will never get those first 2 years of my marriage back that I spent being all depressed. Keep your head up. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger!
Inshallah you will be blessed very soon!
candy_apple first of all CONGRATULATIONS!! mashallah Im really happy for you! may you have a healthy baby and easy delivery inshallah :D x .. Im like that now where every month I face dissapointment, I cry and cry soo much .. I also know me crying isnt gna help but it just happens I just cant help it :( .. wish you all the best! x
Try to relax coz you won't get pregnant if you're stressed. I've gone through this. I miscarried three times (2nd was an ectopic pregnancy). I didn't had any support from my husband coz he didn't know how to deal with it. After 2,5 years of marriage i decided to let it go.. And yeah in the same month I got pregnant of my daughter (who is almost 1 year now). And I'm pregnant again... 4 months now Mashallah!! So please don't be stressed...
Hey Iksa, Big CONGRATULATIONS 2you! mashallah .. Allah Paak Jee aapko khush rakhe .. hope everthing goes well for you!! .. every month I think no Im not gna try thinking about it as much this time but its hard tho .. saying it is soo much easier :( x
Hey and DEEP Breath,
u really need to relax. You come across as very very tense which is not good. Also the tests are there to help you figure out how best to achieve your goal. And you are lucky too mashaAllah, you have a supportive husband, so dnt keep comparing yourself to your friends.
And as far as people go, I now just smile at them and said Bas app dua Karein aagey Allah ki marzi. In one ear out the next.
u r putting so much pressure on yourself thinking it has to happen NOW, as every1 in your family gets pregnant straight away and your mum is worried. Have a heart to heart with your mum and tell her that her expectations are elevating your stress levels. TTC is a fun process :D so dnt be upset ok?
on a positive note you know u can get pregnant as it happened before so your chances of conceiving a healthy baby is higher.
best of luck.
Thankyou Hmmna! maybe I am putting lots of pressure on myself and thats why its not working or something I dont know .. mashallah my husband is my world .. I cant do anything without him .. always there for me .. I am blessed 2have him mashallah .. thanx again! x
Thankyou soo much mirage for you kind words … I do understand what your telling me but sometimes when youre in that situation you something dont want to .. I know that when Allah Paak Jee will decide its the right time only then I will be blessed with children not before or after ..nothing can change that .. I also understand that pregnancy is not pain free .. lol everyone always messes with me saying ‘your sooo scared of everyhting how are you ever gna have a baby’ but still that doesnt make me stop wanting a baby .. I just hope that I have strength to take the pain and get through it when the time comes inshallah ..
thankyou for the duas I’ll definitly recite them .. I do appriciate you helping me x
Sweetie enjoy the time you have before you have kids with hubby, family, friends!
Being a parent brings soo many responsibilities and alterations to a carefree lifestyle!
Sweetie enjoy the time you have before you have kids with hubby, family, friends!
Being a parent brings soo many responsibilities and alterations to a carefree lifestyle!
Thankyou raania, I know its not easy becoming a parent but I feel that now thats the next step for me .. I really do want a little baby of my own inshallah .. In the mean time I am enjoying my time with everyone as babies are hard work .. thankyou anyway! :)
.. In dec 2011 I had a miscarriage an ectopic pregnancy 
.. seriously my world fell apart .. I didnt know anything like this could happen .. I was heart broken 
