heres my problem.. like someone we like each other a lot, wanna get married, looking fwd to it always chattin about future and plannin our weddin lol children work wat we want from life holidays work career everythin! mashallah all is really well..
his family know about me and hav seen pics.. but its alll cool on their side… on my side however my sister knows and a few close cusins, but not parents or elders..
my brothers gettin married in less than a yrs time so as soon as his weddings done mine starts like a month afta bros weddin mum wants my ‘gal baat’ in process.. i hav abt 9 months.. may seem a long time but its killin me and stressin me alredy..
ive refused every rishtaa and the most recent i refused mum did get angry and said “this is the only rishta left in the family” i still firmly refused nearly ended up in tears i dunno why jus got scared…
anyway mum has started buyin my wedin gold to put away and stuff and saving big time whilst shoppin for bros weddin and keeps sayin to me ur weddin 2012.. which is all fine… she keeps sayin jus a matter of ur groom coming fwd..
now some ppl say mums hav an idea.. sometimes i get a feelin that mum knows but on the other hand i no mum is kinda strict and not into the dating thing etc etc log kya kahen ge etc bull ****..
totally scared of my dads reaction.. and my bros…
how will i tell them?? i really wana say mum i like someone but i feel like ‘begarath’ if that makes sense..
my only other option is my sis in law can tell my mum as mum practically worships her! or on my 23rd bday like week b4 get my sis in law 2 speak2 my mum and break it to them.. and then when my bday comes i shall say please jus as a bday present lemme marry him…
i no they want the best for me and dnt want me making any stupid mistake i undastand all that but i jus dont know how im gona break it to them!
i do hav a determination within me and im ready 2 face the consequences but i doo feel nervous! and i still hav 9 months or so to plan… what shall i doooooooo??
*Tell your mom. we tend to think our mothers will kill us...but they have the biggest hearts. *(believe me.... :p, my mom has forgiven me tons of times)They have to love us :p Tell her nicely, that you had someone in mind that you met through school or w/e....and you think he seems like a great rishta, and then see if parents of both families can sit down and talk and check him out. If it helps...ask your guy's sis to talk to your mom...sooner the better...don't wait until bday or w/e or plan to marry him as a gift! lol
Whenever people make plans..things never work out. So If I were you, just talk to your ami...go out for a lunch or something..or even when you are home alone with her..casually bring up the topic, and she can talk to your dad. She only wants what is best for you and she would rather that you marry someone that you will be happy with.
*If the guy side is all cool, then have them send the rishta in a proper manner!!!!! * If they are a decent & respectful family, I dont' think your parents really care where, how, and why they sent the rishta. Ovbs they met you somewhere at a desi dinner/school w/e...and liked you enough for marriage. Your mom will then come to you, and you can accept and all is well. :)
haaniya ur too stressed right now....!sleep a few days:P
I dont think that you should wait these 9 months. If ur already sure, you could tell ur parents as soon as possible.
When did your boyfriend tell his parents? it looks bad if his parents know and yours don't. His parents might be all ok, but i think u should tell ur parents soon.
few q's:
-how long are you together?how do u know him?
-do u live in pakistan?and he?
-what problem could your parents have with him or his family(exept for the 'dating a guy' part)? (thinking of education,family values,'cast' if ur family values that)
-does he study or work?
funky nails... im dyingggggggggg i want it jus out my system nw so i can relax! lol
ooohhh i have known him for yrssssssss umm about 5 yrs? but we didnt date for 5 yrs... no we r both in uk.. live abt 15 mins from each other
problems. non... no caste issue etc etc... just the fact that they will think 'she dated him who must hav seen here etc etc' lol
he works mashallah really good career everythin to make me live like a raani and more... a lot beta then wat my parents could hav dreamt for.. but ofcourse its not about materialisitic things or money
or property.. family wise they r like from the same place back home.. that makes a big difference! i dunno y..? and they r very similar in there thort thareeke and rasm rawaaj, zubaan etc.. its jus the fact that
hes not a rishtadaar!!
okkk i cnt speak 2 mum i jus dunno how to say it.. i cnt find the words
If you guys have not dated each other (even if you have dated, tell ur mum that u haven't :P), you can say to your mum that you were just good friends, and the guy's side recently started to look for a gud girl and then he identified you as an option (although in fact u must be his priority and preference ;)) and his family wants to use the proper channel for this thing and wants to call ur mum... if you can't talk to ur mum, get ur sis in law talk to her... she can say that u both casually knew each other.. there was nothing serious... the idea came to the guy's mind when his family started to look for his marriage :P
^..yea start everything with a lie…everyone one will love you when they find out eventually…your brothers and dad will find out you had a fling and they will love you so much more n keep looking after for you after u r married and will be very thankful that you lied to them n betrayed their trust all this time.
There nothing wrong in telling a small lie if it can save the family from a disaster… these things usually happen in desi culture where boys when asked by their parents about their marriage identify a girl from their friends circle for their family to consider as a prospective bride and then they send the rishta (I think its not actually a lie but hiding the WHOLE truth)… of course I dun know your level of involvement in the guy, have you been going out alot, do your friends know about you two etc etc… if yes, these can make things difficult… coz if you had already known about your family’s values and that they would not like the dating stuff even if it leads to marriage, you shud NOT have been dating the guy in the first place
My idea is that in order to make things less complex for urself, you can say that u considered him just a friend and did not know that he started to think about the marriage thing.. as soon as u knew, u asked him to use the proper channel ONLY… u might need to discuss this with the guy… ur family cannot ever catch u for this unless and untill they find from any of the people/ ur friends or found some “pics” of u two taken during the time of dating… so its only u who knows the reality and only u can decide how to break the news to ur mum/ family…
Well i would say that you should gather courage and talk directly with your MOM.
MOM's are full of love - they might act a little angry at that instance ,but believe me there are your best mate when it come to thing kind of situation.
If you really feel your choice can make them Happy - that don't be scared.
I'd do istekhaara before anything - ask your sister-in-law to bring it up with your mom. but before that take your SIL into confidence and maybe if you can get her to meet the guy before intro-ing him to the family, it might make things easier on her aswell. this way she might be able to make something up and get the parents to sit down to discuss things.
Tell the guy to send rista!!!
My friend's brother told me he likes me and all but I told him to send rishta if he is serious and he did so now we are engaged. If the guy is serious he will send a proper rishta and since caste n stuff is no problem 4 u then things should work out.
Inshallah ur problems will be solved.
this happend with me...she asked me if i wanted to marry my boyfriend...she had no idea we were in a relatonship...we were only family friends....i dont think she had an inkling there was something going on...but she just knew...
if i were you...first think i would do would get his family to send the rishta...and then express an interest in it and say ooo i really like that rishta....and then ask ur sister in law to help talk your parents into it...
but if you do that...ur mum wont know u were in a reltionship? which is what u want right?
we hav no fotos together, we dont usually meet up, most over the phone and msn and stuff as we r so busy we do meet casually and stuff and bump into each other almost every other day but no concious effort of meetin up and doing stuff as time dnt allow us..
if i get him 2 send the rishta wont i have to still inform my parents tho? otherwise if they turn up my parents can say who are you lol
thats tru mums do hav an inkling i think.. but i jus dunno how to word it to mum so she dnt get upset or something.. if that makes sense?
we hav no fotos together, we dont usually meet up, most over the phone and msn and stuff as we r so busy we do meet casually and stuff and bump into each other almost every other day but no concious effort of meetin up and doing stuff as time dnt allow us..
if i get him 2 send the rishta wont i have to still inform my parents tho? otherwise if they turn up my parents can say who are you lol
thats tru mums do hav an inkling i think.. but i jus dunno how to word it to mum so she dnt get upset or something.. if that makes sense?
Just tell ur mom that u r friends with someone who wants to send his parents for marriage thing and you just want to inform your parents as this thing should be better handled by elders... there is nothing wrong in getting an interest from a male friend (I avoid using the term boyfriend here)... I have seen many instances where male colleagues/ friends (without any previous interest in the girl) suddenly shows the desire to send their parents for rishta purpose, the girls most probably would just inform their mom and there is so and so guy wishing to send his parents and then things move on from there...
