Whenever anything good happened, I tried NOT to get too happy about it because I didnt’ want it to come crashing down , and I would think, well what will happen if it didnt’ go through, what’s hte worst case scenario etc. And usually, if not always, it did come crashing down and it hurt alot. I know I have very negative thinking. I try to be positive, but then something in me says i’m being cocky and getting ahead of myself. I guess I can’t differentiate between cockiness and positive thinking.
Now, something really raelly really good is happening, probably teh best thing that can ever happen, but I am scared ****less that it too will come crashing down and go horribly wrong. More and more I get scared and upset. If this doesn’t go wrong, something else will. Sometimes I wnoder if i deserve anything good 
