So every woman dreams of being taken care of after she has given birth and so did I!
I know that life isnt perfect and you cant get it all but I just hoped to be taken care of in a nice way. I just have too many things that I need to get off my chest, hence posting here. cuz I dont want to share it with any friend inc ase they start judging my family or in-laws. I am Alhamdulillah very happy and grateful for my baby. and just need to cleanse my system reg. all the other stuff happening around me
I was due in June and had a beautiful baby boy. I had a normal delivery but had some serious damage and was therefore separated from my newborn for 7 hours right after birth as I had to undergo an operation. that itself came as an unpleasant surprise and was quiet traumatic for me cuz I felt paralyzed for days due to the operation and didnt get the time with my baby as I had dreamt of in the days before his birth.
I didnt have anyone from my family with me. my mother was in Pakistan for holidays. same with my elder sister while the other sister had just returned from Pakistan. my 2 other siblings couldnt be there due to their exams. dad was ill so he couldnt come either.
MIL and FIl had come 2 weeks before due date and where staying at SILs place.
When the baby was born we called hubby’s parents and MIL started complaining why we didnt call her before the baby was born when we were on our way to the hospital so she didnt even congratulate us at all!that was the beginning of an unexpected and unpleasant time with her!
When in laws came to visit at the hospital I wasnt able to get out of bed and go and see them. I was in a special unit and therefore not allowed to have any visitors at the bed. SIL left for Pakistan and we didnt meet up. She didnt bother to call and congratulate before leaving or even send a text and ask how I was doing!
So when I finally met MIL she didnt even bother to ask me how I was doing and if I was better now…I wasnt getting nutritous food and she made lots of problems when it came to cooking for me.
In the meantime my mother had been told that I was unwell and hubby tried to get her to come from Pakistan ASAP to be with me but she didnt respond to that.just stayed quiet on the phone…
I felt really weak and needed care. Hubby was doing his best and was just the best!he took so much care of me but still there was stuff that only a woman could help me with…
When I came home from the hospital I was drained. I was there 3-4 days more than normal. MIL still didnt ask me what happened and why they had me for so long. Instead she told me to do my laundry in that condition!!then she was doing lods of drame when it came to cooking for me that I had to ask hubby to take over the cooking for me. In general she was totally not nice or had any empathy. She even started arguing over why certain family members were getting mithai, cuz she disliked those people. All in all she made things very difficult at a time when I needed the most care and love. She didnt even say mubarak when we named our baby.
My sister, brother and bhabi came over and helped out a lot we had a good time for some days before they left.
After 4 weeks time I went to see my family. My mother had returned from Pakistan. I was looking forward to be taken care of and to have a more relaxing time there than with my in laws…when I got there, it was chaos. My sister A who was in Paksitan had an argument with my khala who is also my other sister B’s MIL so my sister B was pissed off at sister A for being so slefish and not thinking about her delicate situation with her in-laws. So she decided to stop talking to her and cutting off all contact. When sister B’s husband found out he came over to my parents place and shouted at them and told them to control our sister A who has a habit of arguing with literally everyone in the family. so much for a peaceful post natal time!!! he left after several hours of shouting and arguing with my parents leaving them chocked and despaired…all very disturbing to see n hear!specially to see how sad my dad was after this…
A few days later a rishta came for my youngest sister. It was outside our caste. Big no no in the family. But my sister kept insisting. A new drama was created. New chaos. I got involved as my sister asked me to help her out in this situation. For 2 months I was involved in this process and they finally said yes to the rishta!! However my sister B’s husband called the family in Pakistan and told them of this engagement between a socalled high caste and low caste family and a new drama appeared.
My uncle who is also my bhabi’s father called and yelled at my mother and mentioned honour killings etc. this resulted in me talking to my uncle and threatening him with police in order to make him keep quiet. Drama, drama, drama!!
My other uncle has told my mum that she is dead to him and the rest of the family because she accepted the rishta that seems to be of a lower caste. My father’s family stopped speaking to him. And my parents have spent their whole lives serving their families financially!!!
Nikkah took place and my sister got married in a haste in order to avoid more drama in the family. My sister B’s husband didn’t attend the wedding, only the nikkah for a short while. And he wasn’t even allowing my sister to attend the weddig…though she ended up coming to the wedding party anyways….
My parents are totally devastated. I feel sorry for them. 2 of their daughters are not talking to each others, their families in Pakistan have disowned them, father’s health is really bad, At the same time my parents financial situation is really really bad. I feel bad cuz I have money in my saving account but I don’t feel like I can offer them that money as it is my husband’s and mine common savings. I have given them 10.000 £ before and just given them around 1500£ recently while also paying for some of my sister’s wedding expenses and gave my own gold to mum so she could give it to sister’s mother in law..even though mum got loads of gold that she could give from herself….
I am so drained right now..just need to vent and let it all out. I feel so empty…did I do something wrong by supporting my sister and getting involved in the rishta process..??
I am suffering from a severe postnatal depression and not getting any treatment for that. I am alone here with the baby most of the day while hubby is at work. No friends or family around…I haven’t had energy to bond properly with my baby boy in the past 4 months…is it too late now? He is mashaallah so adorable…too cute!!! But I am just so emptyminded and don’t have energy to laugh or play with him….