I would like some input (without any smart alec comments and degradation pls).
I would like to know why in this day and age are pakistani males so dead against their wives working. In the past 4-5 years that I have come across pakistani males (didn’t interact this closely with pakistani males before then nor was in the rishta process) they do not want women who have careers. If the guy is ok, then his mother / family is not ok with the woman working.
Lately a friend of mine who is a very nice girl works with pakistani guys has been complaining of the same thing. The guys are at great positions but when it comes to choosing partners they all have a condition no working woman. And if the girl says I don’t have a bro and I am working to support my family they run a million miles away.
I just don’t get it. This friend of mine had a rishta going on and the guy’s mother was like she needs to quit her job and even the guy was adamant about it. She told him she is working to support her parents and he was so turned off by that, even though liked her a lot still he couldn’t accept it.
Honestly I am soo mad, this whole serving business is only a guy’s job and that too is fulfilled by his wife towards his parents. What abt her parents?
and here i come across people who want working wife................. Seriously people are changing..... not only guys but their mothers want working DIL as well.... they don't have any issues now ...... very few families have issues with working DIL or wife......... your friend should wait for a right man who will accept her with her problems.....
Everyone has their "wants" when it comes to a spouse. There are many desi guys who are completely set against having a career wife. I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with that b/c there are women out there who are very content being a house wife.
On the flip side....there are also many desi guys out where who are perfectly fine with a working-wife. Most desi guys I know fall into this category. And guys like this are suited for women who want to continue working.
I don't think either view is "right" or "wrong". If a woman wants to continue working after marriage...then she shouldn't waste any time considering marriage with a guy who wants a house wife.
I told her the same thing but she just started the rishta process so has come across ppl with conditions also the whole thing of pointing out physical flaws. I wish ppl would not say anything and just move on to the next rishta, I don't understand this need to make comments like qadd chota hai, naak baree hai, kaam kartee hai... So she isn't ur cup of tea, shut up and move on...
I am just seriously upset I went through the same thing during my shaadi rishta process. Guys want to live with their parents but girls should just bury their parents when they sign the nikah document. Lots of women handle home, kids, inlaws and their own parents successfully. Just hurts me real bad that girls should desert their parents just coz they get married. It is soooo unfair :(
Plus it feels like deja-vu guys wanting a prim and proper wife, I'm good enough for you to oogle and be friends with (giving me the hint that marriage is a possibility) but when real marriage time comes ammi is gonna bring me back a proper biwi from good old Pakistan. And then I am gonna go ahead and westernize her (she will wear skinny jeans and short tops because in my head westernizing someone is all abt the clothes).
Just pissed off and upset and trying to make sense of it all....
Some guys I know (Including me) are pleased (emphasis on pleased and not okay) with their wives working. The only reservations/concerns most of us have are if the child that ought to follow (With Allah swt's marzi ofcourse) is not kept from the educational and basic other needs just because one of the parents is not there to provide them.
Conversely, I'm not naive enough to believe what you're referring to is nonexistent, it is. Just not as much as the original post makes it out to be.
I'm sorry if that is how it turned out for you though.
for a starter, isnt this good and very honest of them they have told you upfront what they want? I mean they deserve some appreciation for this eh? Just like girl (and her parents) have some ‘must have’ and ‘nice to have’, guy (and his parents) can have same things too and there is nothing wrong in it.
secondly, not all the men are same. In our circle of friends (and relatives too), almost 70%-80% of ‘Pakistani men’ have no problem with this.
Exodus, I agree with you. I have quit working because I just can't imagine leaving my 18 month old to strangers. I did work for a year 2 months after I had him but that was because he was being taken care of by his nana and nani.
Decent6chora, I was raised in the Middle East and had no interaction with pakistani men till the rishta process started and most guys from my high school who I would've thought were dead against their wives working turned out to be reasonable if there is a need for work, and it doesn't affect the household plus kids then they support their wives working.
If a guy says he likes you, and you have been honest about your family 'halaat' i.e not having a bro to support the parents then instead of being sympathetic why is it that choose me, leave your career and forget about ur parents.
But in the end I guess you are right. Better that his and his family's views are known now rather than after marriage where the girl doesn't even have a say.
I would like some input (without any smart alec comments and degradation pls).
I would like to know why in this day and age are pakistani males so dead against their wives working. In the past 4-5 years that I have come across pakistani males (didn't interact this closely with pakistani males before then nor was in the rishta process) they do not want women who have careers. If the guy is ok, then his mother / family is not ok with the woman working.
Lately a friend of mine who is a very nice girl works with pakistani guys has been complaining of the same thing. The guys are at great positions but when it comes to choosing partners they all have a condition no working woman. And if the girl says I don't have a bro and I am working to support my family they run a million miles away.
I just don't get it. This friend of mine had a rishta going on and the guy's mother was like she needs to quit her job and even the guy was adamant about it. She told him she is working to support her parents and he was so turned off by that, even though liked her a lot still he couldn't accept it.
Honestly I am soo mad, this whole serving business is only a guy's job and that too is fulfilled by his wife towards his parents. What abt her parents?
Really? Why?
Are these guys in Pakistan or the West?
Me personally I always encouraged my wife to finish college and pursue her career, as she was only 20 when we got married. I think a smart educated woman is an amazing asset to have in life. Sitting at home all day, I mean isn't that boring? Also, if you're both earning you can end up with a lot of extra money, more than you need. You can use this to go on exotic vacations (Aruba), by a fancy car, invest etc..
In ME everybody makes load of money so they want housewives. In west they always want more so they prefer a working wife.
Why do women have issue with a man who wants to make her queen of his heart and home. Interactions and preferences of a couple of guys cannot be generalized though.
Better that his and his family's views are known now rather than after marriage where the girl doesn't even have a say.
No matter how unfair you think their "demands" might be.....yes....at the end....be grateful that you're learning about these things BEFORE the baat paaki or worse.....the wedding.
