Need to sort my life out...

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Hi everyone.

I feel like alot of my life is just off track atm, i need to sort it out before it completely spirals out of control, i have alot going on all at the same time and im slowly losing it…i guess the reason im writing here is to get my thoughts sorted but also just i suppose to get some advice. Im sorry if this is long.

Ok so im a medical student, im in my 4th year and i have one and half years to go till i complete it.

Thank god i have recently passed my exams, however this exam i passed was a resit exam and it was extremely extremely stressful, my friend who failed has been kicked out of uni…the whole process of finding out i failed first time round, coming to terms with it then resiting the exam finding out about results and then finding out my best friend failed has completely taken it out of me, im exhausted, so much so that when i found out i passed i didnt feel the happiness i hoped to feel, i felt ok thank god thats good.

During this revision period i ignored everything and everyone i actually went crazy, and alot of stuff has built up that i had to do and i just didnt do it, i was supposed to be attending a course at uni and i just didnt attend and failed that course, i had alot of administrative stuff to do like sort out my finances, a place to live to next year, i have alot of projects to catch up on, my room is actually disgusting.

During this time i was also studying with a very close friend of mine, who is male, and i dont know what happened between us but something about a feeling more than friends conversation took place and now we arent friends anymore, and this has completely broken me, we were friends for soooo long and sooo close and now we dont even talk, it really affected my revision, i became very depressed for 1 week and my exam was 2 weeks later but by some miracle i managed to get through and managed to pass my exam.

I also didnt spend much time with my parents, i live away from home to study, they are extremely stressed out about me, they are really worried about my rishta and unhappy with me as they feel i dont look after myself etc when i do, they are just super stressed out and constantly angry with me, and then today i found out that my dad has a tumor in his brain (please pray for him) and this has upset me alot.

I have so much to do, and i cant handle it…i dont know what to do with myself, i have soo much to sort out but im not even doing it, because i dont feel like any of those things will make me any happier…i think the main thing thats affecting me is the loss of my two friends from my life, one because she failed and the other who doesnt talk to me anymore because he is being an idiot.

i just dont have any feelings and i just dont know what to do or want to do anything.

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Re: Need to sort my life out…

There are few things in life you can control and few you can’t . You can’t do much about the ones you can’t i.e. your father having tumor , may allah give him health . The things you can control , just make a list of them and priorities them . Start with something small i.e. cleaning up your room and finishing up administrative work at school . This will give u sense of accomplishment and you’ll be able to finish off remaining stuff too .

As for the relationship , just give them all a call . Talk to them for 5 mins and thats it . Just hello hi , and nothing more . Call them back when you have more time .

For your friend being jerk and other one who failed , call them up for dinner .

Good luck , and always remember YOU are the one in control . :k:

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Re: Need to sort my life out...

i am very sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult period. may allah give shifa to your dad. maybe its just a benign tumour.... (one must stay as positive as possible).

why dont you just try to go part-time for one semester. im not sure if this option exists later in the course. its usu at the start but do explore the option.

if finance is a problem - some banks give interest free bank overdrafts on student accounts (i dont know again if this applies to where you are.)

talk with your family. talking about problems doesnt mean you are weak. it means you are strong enough to accept that maybe you need help.

about failed relationships - they hurt. but what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger. thoda dard hoga phir khuda ussi dard ko himmat mein tabdeel ker dete hein. talk about the problem with ur friend and see if you can identify the cause of the rift. i lost a childhood friendship a few years ago (we were friends for some 25 years and something disturbed the balance. the closeness is gone.) it hurt but then Allah does everything for a good reason. now i understand why it needed to happen. but it hurt then.

all said and done, i cannot stress the importance of prayer. it need not be limited to namaz format. build on your relationship with Allah the Rahman the Raheem. Ask Allah for guidance and strength and you will not be disappointed. There is amazing strength in spirituality. Just tell Allah you are giving all your problem to Him and for Him to make sense.

and lastly, our difficulties are a test from Allah about our faith in him. please dont resort to any silly actions. when you wana give up....give more.

huggs

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Re: Need to sort my life out…

lol…assalam Nammi and congrats on the graduation :bb:

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Re: Need to sort my life out...

Yeah I agree. You are stressed. So a stressful mind occurs due to clutter. Clear the clutter. Clean up your room. Put some music to help you.

Ring your friend - who got kicked out. Have it out with her.

You have obviously wanted this long and hard. You have been workign for it 4.5 years.

I think you should stick with it. You are capable. You can do it. Its not impossible. Just revise as you go. Make sure you have your notes up to date. Keep reviewing past lectures when you have time. Set aside time.

Its not impossible.

As for friends - they come and go in your life. But you are the one thing that is constant.

Like my parents say:

They can take everything from you (people) - your home, your clothes, your money.

One thing they cannot is your education and knowledge.

As for your Father - that is very stressful. I pray he gets better and its curable. But alas Allah has his own paths for each of us.

I think this should spur on your cause even more. Just imagine one day Allah Thallah will give you the ability to help people who severely ill.

And to make a difference in the world.

You are given a very special gift. Breath reflect and study. This opportunity only comes once.

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Re: Need to sort my life out...

first off, the immediate stress of your exam is now over so that's one thing ticked off the list.

you will only feel at peace with yourself when you feel that you are in control over the rest of your issues. no one can do that for you, so you somehow have to motivate yourself.

as for relationships, they come and go in life and it's something we need to accept. just because your best friend is no longer at uni, it doesn't mean she is out of your life. she may no longer be there to study with you but if she's a good friend, i'm sure you will always have her support and be able to talk to her about anything.

as for your male friend, forget about him. someone who messes with your head like that before a really important time for you is not worth you worrying over. and most importantly, don't repeat it! you may become friends again but trust me, do not let him affect your studies again. it will be a huge regret for you if you mess up coz of a guy. if that means taking a break from the friendship over exam periods, then so be it. coz if you don't get "together" and just stay friends, it will most likely happen again.

this might be harsh but if you want to succeed in becoming a doctor, you need to be selfish with your emotions and time. right now your family needs you, so that's enough emotional stress for you, you don't need to be worrying about the supposed loss of friends as well.

as for sorting the rest out, until you start on the list of things you need to do, you are going to carry on feeling like this. but once you start working through them and getting on top of them, you should begin to feel better.
so make a list of everything that needs doing, from cleaning your room, making a plan for looking for somewhere to live, projects that need doing. then, start with the easiest which i assume will be your room.

once these things are done, organise yourself for the coming year with your studies taking top priority so you don't need to resit an exam again. it should mostly be "me me me". so if you're not studying, you should be doing the other administrative type tasks on your weekly list that we all have, or having some "me" time to relax and take care of yourself. whether that's chilling out and watching movies, going to the gym, pampering yourself, whatever.
if you can sort out your life and you don't live too far from home, you can try to manage regular visits home to spend time with your family. you will most likely never regret not spending enough time with friends but you will regret not spending enough with your family.

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Re: Need to sort my life out…

just remember..this too will pass!! u will look back in a few weeks time..and everythng will be much better..i promise..u need to talk to ur friends..and tell them how u feel..at least that will make u feel better…make a list of everythng that needs to be done..and tackle everything…i know u will be able to do it! theres been many times in my life…when ive thought this is the worst time of my life..but looking back they all seem so minor! ur exams are out the way for now..thats one big stress gone..pray for your father..inshallah he will be ok..but whatever happens, happens for a reason..some things we have no control over..so sort out the parts of ur life that you do have control over..here are some really good tips and duas which helped me out in times of major stress!!
www.soundvision.com/info/peace/stresstips.asp
everythng will be ok
xxx

8

Inspiron,

Easier said than done, but try to calm down. I think you need to prioritize your problems here. I hope that your dad's tumor is benign and won't be a health issue for him. If I were you, THAT would be my first priority. Friends and boyfriends, for that matter, will come and go....your parents are irreplaceable. Keep in touch with your parents, tell your dad to take care of himself, pray for him. And if your parents' #1 source of stress is that you don't take care of yourself......then start taking better care of yourself. If possible, consider going back home for a small vacation.

Whatever your friend's reasons may be for distancing herself from you.........can you control her???? Can you force her to hang out/talk with you??? NO! She can make up her own mind. If she wants to talk to you........she will. If she doesn't want to.....she won't. YOUR stressing/crying over this matter is not going to change the situation any faster. So, just let it go. You just send your friend an email/call and tell her that you're worried about her...and that you're there for her if she needs to talk................and then you BACK OFF.........give her space.......and start focusing ON YOUR OWN LIFE. Whether or not she comes back is her decision. You will find that friends will come and go in life. Sometimes careers, marriage, having children will bring about changes in friends' personalities. Sometimes distance will do it. Other times friends drift apart due to pettiness, jealousy, etc. It's a part of life. Worry every second of your life on a friend who can't communicate maturely........and you'll be missing out on living your own life.

About the GUY. I take it that he's a medical student just like you? Maybe he felt that he was concentrating more on you than he was on his exams. Maybe he felt that he wasn't ready for a relationship. Maybe things were going to fast for him and he freaked out. Maybe he sensed you like him and he doesn't feel the same way ....and you were reading him wrong. Maybe he already has a GF. You can come up with a bazillion guesses but unless he tells you what's up with him........you won't know. So, why worry about it? Do you want to be a guy who freaks out and disappears without explanation (not mature)...or....do you want to be with a guy who WANTS to be with you and doesn't run away like this? He's not the only guy in the world. You spent some time with him....but it's not like you spent several years with him. He'll resume communication with you when he's ready.....don't go running after him.

Friends, and boys will come and go. And when you realize this....you can ELIMINATE at least 2 of your worries from your list....because you have no control over these two things. As far as the rest of your goals are concerned.........make a schedule of things you need to do.

1) First....divide your goals into those that are 1) long-term and 2) short-term.

2) Break up the long-term goals into shorter and more achievable tasks so that you don't get frustrated and try to accomplish everything at once.

3) In this schedule, include the amount of time you're going to spend on the task...and when, etc.

4) Allow yourself a break each day. If your break consists of snacking....try eating something healthy that'll provide you energy. Eating junk food will give you a brief jolt of energy...and then bring you down just as fast. Find time to exercise as it lifts your mood.

5) Make time in your day to pray. This will give you some peace of mind.

6) Try to get enough sleep...so that you have the energy to go about things the following day.

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Re: Need to sort my life out...

hey everyone thankyou so much for your posts!

So the past few days i really didnt do much...but then i took everyones advice and im slowly making some progress.

I made a list of everything that i have to do, and i started with the easiest which was cleaning my room and in the process of doing that...its actually a massiivooo messs but i know once its done i will feel better.

Im also going to a house viewing on wednesday so im in the process of finding somewhere to live for next year.

im going to fill out the forms to get help for finance and ive booked an appointment with my tutor to help me work through my issues with the course.

im still struggling with a lack of motivation, and also i dont seem to be getting any pleasure in the acitivities i do and im also still affected by my friend failing and also my guy friend not talking to me anymore, but i guess time heals all.

My dad had a scan and thank god its a benign tumor but it will require some major surgery which is stressful.

There is still alot to sort out and alot to do, but i guess with baby steps i will hopefully reach a point where i dont feel overwhelmed by so many things in my life.

thanks for your help everyone!