need to know whats wrong with her

I have a 7 years old cousin. she is in year one. she used to be very active and cool girl.

she always wanted to stay at our house as we allow her play alot, eat wat she wants and take her out alot as well. she has one little bro and sis. she used to be very close to my little sis and stays in her room. she used to help in the kitchen and so eager to do all the work.

her mum, my aunty is so dumb. her husband earns alot, but he has to support his family in pak as well. his brothers are good for nothing and dont do anything.
aunty is so stressed out about it as all her inlaws do is ask for money every 2nd day and they live very good life. uncle sends most of his earnings to pak.
but he tells her to buy whatever she wants for kids and no restriction on her spending.

aunty doesnt let kids enjoy their life. she rarely buys them any toy or takes them out. wont let them celebrate their birthdays. we tell her to change herself. she is so diet concious and wont let kids be kids. we try to buy kids clothes and toys but howmuch can we do. we cant replace their parents or take their place.

when they come to our house, they act like coming out of cage. would sit in kitchen and eat too much and than end up vomiting. than she would make this an excuse for not letting them eat.

we always argue with her and than she gets angry with us and leave. we tell her to give everthing to her kids as she puts too much restrictions on them they act this way.

but recently my cousins she has changed alot. she acts so dumb. like yeterday i told her to finish her homework, i was standing there for 20min and she wasnt listening to me and kept playing. i told her to pack things up, finish her work, than play again. but she showed no emotion and continued with playing. i ended up shouting at her but no luck.

than her mum came, she hit her on her face twice so hard, and she got up. i was in such a shock as why they are behaving like this. everyone in my family was in shock. she grew up in our hands and we always take her side.
her mum told me and i witnessed it, whenever someone tells her that she is making a mistake in her homework or in her Qaida, she would start to cry for no reason say that its not wrong. she would cry for no reason whenever any one asks her for anything. he face looks so dull.

the other day her brother fell on coffee table and injured his face so close to his eye and started to bleed very badly. he was saying she pushed him and she started to cry. i was telling her not to cry and becareful next time as he couldnt have lost his eye as it was so close to his eye. but she continued to cry not listen to what i was saying. so i left her alone.

whenever aunty tells me about her behaviour, i would never believe aunty and blamed aunty.

aunty does put too much pressure on her kids. like she has to finish her one page of her Quaranic Qaida everyday at mosque. she goes to mosque 4 days a week for 1 hour with my sis.
has to do extra studies all the time.

i totally dont know whats going on with her. i tried to talk to her and she wasnt listening to what i was saying.
i want to help her and change her behaviour but how. her mum is weired. i dont know if her parents behaviour is affecting her or what?

Re: need to know whats wrong with her

Sounds like the poor lass just needs a hug. A big one.

Re: need to know whats wrong with her

I dun think you have mentioned much about your aunt's relationship with your uncle but I do feel like its her parents relationship that is affecting her so badly.. kids are very sensitive and they pick up more than we can imagin!!!

she needs a lot of attention and a happy home (not yours but hers where her parents treat each other with love and respect).

her parents have normal relationship with eachother, but not as open or great as one could expect. when her father is at home, he is usually watching movies. he doesnt take them out neither plays with them. but i can not say they have unstable marriage or relationship. we ask them to go out with us as a group but they dont. so we take her with us. but she grew up in that environment.

we tried to talk to her parents to change themselves, spend time with their kids, take them out, and enjoy life with them. but they dont listen.

Even if the did have a horrible marital relationship, the kids aren't supposed to be a victim of it. Anonymously send a social worker at her house and it will fix her mischievous and obnoxious brain cells. Or make an anonymous call impersonating a social worker from the kids school, reach out to both of her parents and tell them that their kids are acting weirdly at school, and their teacher is afraid that there might be some kind of child abuse involved.

I can never imagine of reacting badly to my kids when i am having issues with my hubby. Kids are kids, and a parent's relationship with kids should be independent of what his/her relationship is with the spouse. It's that simple!

Re: need to know whats wrong with her

I feel bad for the poor kid. I think the mother really needs to change her attitude towards the kid and to be honest this thing is quite common within asian communties - i see it all the time. All you can do is talk to the mom and show her that if she does change, then the consequences will be so good and great that their daughter will grow up to be a healthy women who loves her family and will do anything for their happiness. If the mother continues to act like this, as her daughter grows older, she will only drive her away. Unfortunatly thats what my mother did to me.

Re: need to know whats wrong with her

I think your Aunt is putting too much pressure on the older one.I would suggest you give her a book "Family First" By Dr Phil McGraw, and ask her to read it for the sake of her family. Tell her that positive reinforcement with the kids work much better then the negative one.Also she should not hit her kids.
Also ask your mom to talk to the Aunt in a positive way and ask her if all the problems that are going on with her personal life, affecting the way she parents her kids or not..hopefully she will realize that and treat her kids much better.

Bunnyhoney we have tried to talk to her mother. she thinks she knows everything and is doing nothing wrong. i have told her to open her mind as things will be different once she goes to high school, she needs get involve in her kids activities and give then time. but she says that she gives them everything its in their nature to act such way.

she needs to improve her language skills as well. but she wont listen.

lately,my nephew went to their house and when went to pick him up, aunty was in kitchen and herr kids in their rumpus rooms watching english movie there was kissings scenes in the movie. i was so shocked as they are too young to watch such stuff. there was no supervision

its so hard to explain and convince desi mums. they will control their kids in one way and expose them to unnecessary stuff on the other hand.

Wow the poor kid is really emotionally suppressed and it seems that her childhood is being sucked right out of her. Parents do make mistakes, but there is still time for the mum to make it up to her and open up to her. But its not likely that the mum is too bothered. I guess what you can do is keep at your aunt (but dont push her cos she might stop all visits) and just re-assure your cousin and the other kids that you are all there for her. Just keep all communication open with them no matter how much they might reject you.

Children should never ever have to go through this...its an outrage!

AikLT, next time the little girl visits u, get her on her own and take a little trip down memory lane with her. Ask her if she remembers how it was on the previous visits when she seemed happy and well mannered etc. Tell her u have noticed that she doesnt seem happy now, in fact totally different, the ask her if she can tell u why that is.

Re: need to know whats wrong with her

Some people don't deserve to have kids. They scar them for life and destroy any chance of having a normal life. I would suggest you get child services involved if you are in the west.

Re: need to know whats wrong with her

^bit extreme!
how old is the poster if she doesnt mind me asking?

Re: need to know whats wrong with her

my cousin came to our house yesterday and she fell asleep and her mum was pushing her t get up. i told her let her sleep in front of everyone.

later, i asked my cousin few things and i told her that her shirt is really nice and she started acting differently. she went to the kitchen and washed her own plate and glass and was very happy.

i cant call child service as she is my aunty, real blood related and it would create hell in our family.

Re: need to know whats wrong with her

like CM said, some people don't deserve o have kids. the kid needs intervention and fast!! she needs a shrink.

Re: need to know whats wrong with her

you seem like you have a close bond with your cousin, tht's good she has you and your family, atleast she is getting tht lov from somewhere.....

i think you need to sit your aunty down and talk to her (or mayb someone older tht she respects) tell her tht hitting a child in pakistan may be accectable, but in western countries it's not allowed, all it takes is for the child to go and tell her school teacher and Social services will be informed.....she can get her self in to alot of trouble. and im sure she doesnt want tht.