I was going through the thread here that what r the views of men n women or desis n non desis towards working women… it doesnt matter wat other people think on this issue… if the husband n wife undestand each other then there wont be any problem in working for women… in case there is no understanding then this is nt the only issue to discuss there will be hundreds …
hmm so I wanna know from working women here that how do they manage both work n home after having kids.... I m getting married in 4,5 months, I have a medicine degree,I m working in Pakistan along with it I m preparing for my post gaduation exams which I"ll be giving in australia n will settle there after merriage...My mom was a housewife n here in Pakistan mostly ppl have joint family system so if u r woking someone is there to take care of the child...so no idea .. :confused: I dont know if its too early to think about this stuff but i m conserend... my fiancee is very caring n I know he will do his best to help me with housework n kids yet i have doubts about raising kids( no problem at all with household work).... so wt do u suggest about the following
ok I’ll pass my exams then I have to do residency for 3,4 years with long duties… husband has to work too so wat about kids?
no idea about day care centre…if anyone of u have it plz share…personally I m against sending children to non muslim day care centres…
Stop studying more ??? (as I m already a Dr) or wait till the residency complete n then have kids?
There is a widow lady(sensible) who had two daughters both of them married this year…the lady is around 45 to 50 …she is alone,working as cook n affraid of living alone …should i take her to australia to look after kids for the hours when hubby n me both r workin… (however I have a habbit of living alone n it will distub our privacy as she will be there all the time)
I discussed it with my fiancee ,he said I’ll take care of kids (I dont think its practicle… as its difficult in reality) … he also suggested that we should not have kids until we r able to take care of them…however I wanna have kid soon as I m living alone for a long time (hostels) n want cute company ( hazaron khawahishein )
Its not a problem that i m discussing ...its just I m unable to decide... as both career n kids r imp for me... cant forget how hard I studied n how many meals n nights I have sacrificed during that to reach at this point( was addicted to studies)
I dont wanna discuss it with my fiancee any more because his answer is always I"ll do this..I'll do that ...n married ladies know wat they(husbands) do after merriage :cb: (no offence husbands) so it would be very helpful if experienced ppl will help here .... so that I can figure out the way to keep balance at work n home...
( try to find out n suggest a middle way as I want to have both :halo: ....) Thanx a lot in advance
Re: Need suggestion...especially from working wives:)
This decision is a pretty personal one, but I really wanted to get my education and some work experience before having kids. Part of thatwas because I would like to stay home at least for the first few years, once the baby arrives. For me, working when my children are a little older will be hectic but my hours will be like theirs (I'm a teacher). For doctors, the demands are different depending on the type of medicine you are practicing.
Anyway, I do think that if you've gotten this far, why not complete the degree? Once you get married you will have your fiance's company.
Remember that babies are not just cute cuddly toys. They are human beings that we help to raise and shape. Our actions toward them are incredibly critical, and until we are ready to handle that responsibility, I think it's best to wait. So think about your time commitments, and whether or not you are ready to give time and energy to a child immediately upon getting married. I knew I wasn't ready, despite how much I love kids. And as a teacher I see a lot the consequences of early childhood care and upbringing, and I see babies as who they could become, and I guess I approached motherhood with a lot of hesitation and thought. I really didn't want to rush into it and be unprepared or to feel like I hadn't had a chance to cultivate myself before devoting myself to another human being.
As for housework, in our household it's shared, since we are both working. If I cook, hubby cleans. But I don't cook if I'm too exhausted. We also hired a cleaning service that comes every couple of weeks to give the house a good scrub. Then all we need to do in between is keep it neat. It is good to talk about these sorts of issues and it's nice that you have a good understanding with your hubby. It'll make all the difference.
Re: Need suggestion...especially from working wives:)
thanx Sahar... i know that having kids or not is private issue.... but as i dont have any exposure with working married women.... I just wanted to have an idea... n having both is just a wish not a decision.... i m concerned about raising the kid thats y i was thinking about it n asked that wat other people do..... :) soona or later I 'll be working n have kid ...wat will I do then ...this is the confusion....
Re: Need suggestion...especially from working wives:)
^ There are plenty of women who do both together, and manage well. The are great moms and incredibly valued workers. I just know myself and know that my work never finishes when I come home and I would have a hard time dedicating myself well both to kids and work. So since it's something we can do and afford for now, I'd like to give staying home with baby a try. I'm sure she'll keep me busy :D. As the new school year starts, I do feel like I will really miss this job (and specifically the school I'm at currently, which has treated me incredibly well). But inshAllah, once the kids are old enough, I'll be back :D. And the break will be nice.
Re: Need suggestion...especially from working wives:)
The problem that you have is that you want everything. You want kids right away, you also want to take care of them and you also want a time consuming career and at the same time do not want to put the kids in a non-muslim daycare. At some point you are going to have to compromise. As great as your husband may sound, him sayign that he will take care of the kids is wishful thinking. If you both have jobs it will be very difficult for any one person to take care of the kids specially since both of u will be working most likely in the day time, with only the husband there durign the evnings, and you late at night cuz of ur residency.
What I would suggest for you to do is wait to have kids atleast until your residency is complete. I would want to raise my kids at all and it doenst matter to me if its a muslim or non muslim day care, I just feel much more comforatble with raisign kids myself and maybe having a nanny at home if I need help specially if I do have a job.
Residencies are grueling, I dont understand why a woman would wanna have a kid before that cuz you will definitely be spending barely any time with the kid. With kids come a lot of responsibilities. You definitely need to compromise and I would suggest instead of halting your career midway, you have kids at a later stage in your life.
Re: Need suggestion...especially from working wives:)
I agree with sumorani.
Its hard to suggest a middle ground because that requires everything around you to be perfectly balanced at all times. Thats hard because your husband will work, you will have residency, kids will need you at home and lets not forget housework. No matter how much he helps out, he cant make it perfect for you. :) If you try to do all at once, someone will suffer: you, your kids, your husband or your home.
Talk to your husband and see if he agrees to postponing children until after your residency. If he doesnt, then you might have to be open to postponing your residency.
Sumorani & PSQaured both have given you the best possible advise , you can opt either for kids or your career at the moment.
If you had your family living in same city/country as you things would have been different but since you'll have to take care of the baby yourself only , u r not left with many choices. If your going to be husband is v.supportive (like u say) he'll understand your desire to have a career and you both can plan accordingly.
Re: Need suggestion…especially from working wives:)
@sumorani,PSquard,diamond123… thanx a lot for ur suggestions…I completely agree with u guys… especially right now when I m back after 36 hours of duty in emergency unit… … till now I didnt give a serious thought to this as I was thinking that I’ll see when the time will come…may be because of the hope that I thought there might be some way this situation can be taken care of… Just after reading ur posts I realised that .. I should come out of the dream world now n b realistic … I m sure hubby will understand too…
( hazaron khawahishein 
)
… till now I didnt give a serious thought to this as I was thinking that I’ll see when the time will come…may be because of the hope that I thought there might be some way this situation can be taken care of… Just after reading ur posts I realised that .. I should come out of the dream world now n b realistic 
… I m sure hubby will understand too…