Re: need some serious guidance
i know:)
Re: need some serious guidance
its surprising, people get to extent they can leave someone cause of high tone, sure its annoying. speaking always loud and noisy way doesnt work. I am loud some time when I am only in sheer anger, normal and polite conversations should be low voice and polite.
only loud people i hear, teen agers from school or uni. and i must say i was too during those days. once historic day we all friends got called in deans office for that....
but at home, my younger sister is very loud in normal coverstaion, i had to stop her many times by speaking or a gesture... she used to get annoyed at me, but now as she realise.. she lower her voice... without breaking conversation. we dont have too much issues, I really dont like loud voice specially at night time...
sure its hard, but its not worth loosing a relationship over just this issue. some hawkish girls here suggested separation is the solution... 4-5 years in marriage... its not a solution. both you and your hubby has to work on that, you accodring to him.. and he to adapt to your loudness.. and I am sure if you try and it get noticed by your hubby that you are doing it for him, he will also let it go at some point when you become louder..
you will be making it worst if he is getting this taht you dont care at all and never even try to be lower and polite in voice.
btw how you have romantic converstaion?? that cant be louder. so may be its good idea to hold such more and more.
Re: need some serious guidance
I'm confused are we talking about people who just have loud voices, or ones iwht serious temper/anger issues?
is a loud voice directly related to anger issues??
Re: need some serious guidance
^i understood it as people who are loud in general but also combined with a short temper.
me is both most of the time too :(
amour has a good point about romantic conversations.. this is why i said i'm only softly spoken with hubby coz it's hard to be loud and shouty when you're being all lovey dovey.
Re: need some serious guidance
You know what...the men who have wives who state their opinions loudly and clearly...perhaps they have a gold mine there. Yeah maybe a loud voice can get on their nerves...but then again when something goes wrong, they know they can count on you to fight like a tiger to get things done, get things straightened out.
When you have kids, this is SO very important. I was a mouse, say "boo" to me and I'd go hide. And this was the absolute worst thing I coulda done for my eldest son. Once I learned how to "roar" lol...things started to turn around.
My very best friend is loud and SUCH a great advocate for the 3 special-needs children she adopted. People scramble to get things done when she starts snapping out her demands. And know what? She's making a world of difference for her kids - the difference between them having to live in a "special needs" home and being able to live on their own.
I admire those who speak their minds without hesitation. Mousy-ness doesnt work. So sure...temper your volume for the hubby when he comes home from work and on weekends when you need to relax and have family time. But DON'T give up your spirit!
Re: need some serious guidance
i have a loud,angry spirit which sometimes get really annoying(even i confess that)
Re: need some serious guidance
Sorry I didn't read all posts only 1 or 2.
Honey buney most men don't like loud and ghussay wali wife.
You know what It's very hard to change yourself very quickly but if you would continuously try then one day insha Allah you will succeed.
First thing always try to ask forgiveness from your husband on you wrong attitude as you can't change yourself over night. That will make him realize that you are realizing your wrong way and shirminda on that.
Also tell him that I just saw this whole my life and I learned and didn't know that it's wrong but as you told me or made me realize that it's wrong. Now I want to change myself and trying my best to change. I also need your help if any time I make mistake you have to forgive me as I can't change overnight.
Ask forgiveness from him for all the bad things you did in the past. Also mention that such and such things I didn't was wrong so fogive me.
Ppl who do that due to different factors.
- Mahol.
- Misbehaviour from family member(s) continuously or whole life.
- Got no one to listen to you.
- Zulm and ziadti being done to you for whole life.
Now you have to think that he is not responsible for all or any of that so why he would suffer.
All the time try to be happy.
Hang in your room some happy face even in computer for screen saver use happy face and happy thought.
Try to tareef your husband. You know tareef win lots of things. Uski pasand na pasand ka khiaal rakhain. Uska kahna manaain. You know her mard chata hai biwi uska her hukm baja laay. Agar aik taraf aap ghalti karti hain to doosri taraf say ussay pata lain yani pyaar mohabbat ziada karain agar naheen kar sakteen to izhaar karain. Pyar mohabbat aur khuloos say pataya ja sakta hai.
Ghussay kay waqt kuch na kahain. Chahay wo ghussa kar raha ho ya aap ko ghussa aa raha ho. Yaqeenun zindagi hamaish suhani naheen hoti aur ghussa ana bhi normal hai. Baad main apna ghussa utar sakteen hain wo batain jo ghalat hain un per baat kar kay. Us waqt agar aap ghussa karain gi bhi to us main itna shiddat naheen ho ga dono taraf say.
Rule bana lain aik waqt main aik hi ghussa karay. Baad main aap baat karain. Haan ghussa us waqt ziada ata hai jub aap bohat si baton ko chorti chali jaati hon gi aur aik waqt bohat ghussa karti hoon gi.
Jub ghussa aay ya jo baat buri lagay us ka ghussa utar lia karain to itna ziada ghussa naheen aay ga. Laikin koshish karain aik waqt main kay ghussa honay ka rule aap apna ghussa baad main utaarain laikin ziaada baat na karain.
I know wo zaroor aisi baat ya aisa kaam karta ho ga jis pay aap ko ghussa ata ho ga. Koshish karain extra sensitive na hon kisi maamlay pay.
Always keep reminding yourself that you don't have to get mad that much aur cheekhna naheen hai na hi zor say baat karna hai.
Try to record your ghussa in a movie or voice recorder listen to that then you will realize better where and what and how you do wrong. I'm sure it will help you alot.
Jub ghussa aay to Kalima parahain, Innallah maas sabereen parhain, Pani peeaain, Khari hain to baith jain aur baithi hain to lait jain.
Apnay mind ko kisi aur taraf laga dain.
Us baat ko baar baar na yaad karain na hi purani baat ko.
In sub kay saath meri dua hai Allah aap ki aur aap jaisi/jaisay tamaam logon ki madaad karay sahi honay main Ameen.
Allah aap kay aur doosray/doosri kay husband/wife kay dil main aap/unkay husband/wife kay liaay mohabbat o hamdardi paida karay ameen.
Good luck.
hello all
i often read different problems on this forum regarding life and relationships and have aways found that some really good advice is given by many of you and so i here to present my own problem
i have been married for the last five and a half years and we have 2 beautiful kids.we are living a comfortable life but something is ruining my marriage.the problem is from the day one my hubby doesnt like the way i talk.even i sometimes dont like the way i talk.i am loud and quick to loose my temper.and i can tell you why.
i am,most unluckily,like my father.he is a great father and husband but like most pakistani guys,he was quite loud and quick to loose his anger(i know i am repeating my self)my mother on the other hand is your typical pakistani wife.always polite and very soft.it was not like my father was oppressive in anyway.my mom is a professor and my father have given her every facility and freedom possible.but he was and still is domineering and at time quite impolite.and i have followed his path.
i am speaking loudly with my husband even if we are talking about a normal subject.and he gets really put off.i tried telling him that it is not my intention to be rude or imppolite but he is no more paying attention to it.i think i fulfill my job as a wife and mother to good extent but my loud behaviour which my hubby take as a rude behavior is causing a lot of trouble.he was brought up in a typical pakistani mahool in which women are usually very quiet and soft which i am not.his mother and sisters are very soft and very quiet although they all are opiniated.sometimes in anger,i say some really nasty thing which i know in my heart no other pakistani man will tolerate but my hubby does but now i think he is getting really fed up.
he is a very nice man,a very nice father,but he is getting frustrated now and does not speak to me and look at a lot as if he doesnt like to and it is very sad and insulting to me.
so tell me what to do.i have tried to be kind and soft spoken but how can you erase your 25 year of family life in which you were brought up and become a different person in 5 years.excuse my for the long rant but i am very worried about my marriage.
well it is better to tell all this to ur husband. because when u tell him, only then he would be able to think deeply and ignore ur anger because he will better know about ur bad things. tell him that ur also worried and got sick of ur anger bt its just not finishing. convince him that this will not be finished in one or 2 years change needs time but still u also hate this thing in ur personality.
u will see that Insha Allah he will consider and everything will be allright soon.
regards
:)
well it is better to tell all this to ur husband. because when u tell him, only then he would be able to think deeply and ignore ur anger because he will better know about ur bad things. tell him that ur also worried and got sick of ur anger bt its just not finishing. convince him that this will not be finished in one or 2 years change needs time but still u also hate this thing in ur personality.
u will see that Insha Allah he will consider and everything will be allright soon.
regards
:)
Gr8 advice.
Gr8 advice.
thanku gr8 heera bhai
sorry for all what i had said to u earlier
:)
thanku gr8 heera bhai
sorry for all what i had said to u earlier
:)
It's okay I don't have mind to mind. I don't even remember what you said.
If ppl tell me truth about myself. I don't mind. Even if not truth then you know I don't have mind to mind. Itna asan naheen mujh ko naraz karna haan budtamizi say kia jaa sakta hai.
Tareef karnay say ahsaas hota ghaltion ka hmmmm lol. mazaq.
Re: need some serious guidance
We are all affected by the circumstances we are brought up in, but now you're an adult so you can control your choices you make. Have you ever watched Jon and Kate plus 8? If one was to read a script of the show, the words would sound pretty benign. But if you watch her behavior, she is very demanding even when she is like 'please' 'thank you' etc. Anyway you seem to think that a person either has to be totally meek or entirely rude...those are two extremes...one can express an opinion without rudeness. Also everything can't always be your way; make sure your husband gets to do stuff without you inputting in all the time. Anyway if your volume is just loud that's ok...i get really happy sometimes so my voice is loud like "HEYYY GUESS WHAT?? lalala" but if you're loud and inconsiderate, that's another story. Maybe imagine yourself as being followed by a camera-would you be ashamed of what's being recorded?
I'm confused are we talking about people who just have loud voices, or ones iwht serious temper/anger issues? is a loud voice directly related to anger issues??
Yes loud voice is related to anger issues and some psychological issues.