unsure about what to say or how to start. me and husband seem to be having issues. or rather I have issues with him. I cant seem to want to talk to him, to even bother to message him, I don’t feel like I used to feel. there was a time I was obsessed with receiving messages from him and I want to be furious if he didntmessage me one day. or if he didn’t call. I don’t seem to care anymore. I want to go mad run to the hills and scream, I don’t feel like we are friends. even his one request to me feels like im being controlled. if he askes something of me I get angry. I cant tolerate anything anymore. there are times we have disagreements arugment s etc and I will say yeh ok me and u r both are wrong. buyt he says no its you and why do you have to counter attack all the time. etc etc. just feel hollow and careless right now. there will or may be a time il cry but most times im just feeling mad at him. and I cant seem to calm down and be normal with him.i just feel angry all the time. mybe ive fallen out of love. scry. but I don’t know. hes the sort of man who doesn’t bend over backwards to just please me for one day,. hes got a ego. like he will be nice a little bit and if I still don’t budge he cools off. he doesn’t get more worried or more eager to win me back its the opposite he just goes off himself then. im not saying he needs to please me all the time but he should make the effort atleast once I his life now that im the one whose turned cold. feels odd. its been 4 days no contact. because he said im the problem in most of our fights. so whatever.
Re: need some help on calmness.feeling vry angry .
Have you contacted him?
Re: need some help on calmness.feeling vry angry .
That's what I meant when I said that if you keep complaining/arguing, the other person can become immune to it.
Based on your post the only "issue" you have with him is that he's not bending over backwards to win you over. That's it. Maybe this makes you feel less valued, but you can't blame him for being less motivated if he feels consistently disrespected by your angry outbursts. Friendship has give and take and that's missing...as indicated in your admission that you can't tolerate a single request from him, though you haven't elaborated on whether the requests are reasonable or ridiculous. If they're reasonable and you're not willing to give, then is it fair for you to expect him to cater to your tantrums?Don't you see your ego in this?
I don't know if it's the postpartum blues, but you already know what you need to fix. It's easy to get caught up in the a person's flaws and not see the good in them. Try remembering the good in him and that he's done etc.
Re: need some help on calmness.feeling vry angry .
Is it possible for you to consult a qualified relationship counsellor or seek psychiatric help?
Re: need some help on calmness.feeling vry angry .
Living apart can add so much strain to the relationship.
It is harder to communicate feelings. Sometimes you just want your partner to know about you and its not possible when you are not together.
also probably you are busy with the kids, parents, life and so now you are not as keenly waiting for his messages.
Keep that in mind and remember you need to work harder while you are staying away and not add to the distance.
Re: need some help on calmness.feeling vry angry .
Maybe.
Oh his request is wear a scarf/dupata ( chaadar more like) on head when we out in pak in public. No one else is as anal about it as he is
He may be into religion but I'm.not so its frustrating for me
Not just head meaning cover back and chest area too ( abaya don't have chasaar so what's that All about)
Re: need some help on calmness.feeling vry angry .
Just our conversations now just make me seethe
I'm jealous of other ppls marriage other peoples husbands
Who enjoy life go out have a laugh etc my husband is a boring pain who gets tension just thinking about going grocery shopping
He once took me out I had the biggest heart attack because it's not him. Every little thing is begged for and I feel under valued.
Now I'm apart I feel like I'm free lol. I want to do normal things without feeling like he's doing me a favour.
Sigh
Re: need some help on calmness.feeling vry angry .
Nadz, you guys are two different people mentally. That's what causes the problems.
Re: need some help on calmness.feeling vry angry .
He lives in Peshawar and given the conditions and circumstances there wearing a chadar is a very sane and reasonable request.
Re: need some help on calmness.feeling vry angry .
Just our conversations now just make me seethe I'm jealous of other ppls marriage other peoples husbands Who enjoy life go out have a laugh etc my husband is a boring pain who gets tension just thinking about going grocery shopping
He once took me out I had the biggest heart attack because it's not him. Every little thing is begged for and I feel under valued.
Now I'm apart I feel like I'm free lol. I want to do normal things without feeling like he's doing me a favour.
Sigh
Dhol door se suhanay lagtay hain nadz.
Why do you even compare your husband and your marriage with other people's?
You know when things go wrong? When we focus only on the negative points of what we have, and see only the bright positive side of what other people have.
Stop doing that. Don't let one negative point of your husband devaluate his other 1000 positive points.
Stop thinking that other husbands are amazing because you saw them laughing with their wife once.
I hope you are not one of those people who swoon away when they see an overly happy jolly pukey family in some cheesy add, and then you think I want that too.
You will make life difficult for yourself.
I don't know you or your husband personally. But from your posts I can conclude that your husband is far from being a bad guy.
Instead of only focussing on his traits that you don't like, also try to focus on yourself.
Re: need some help on calmness.feeling vry angry .
Seriously?
Its not the first time you're complaining about hijab/parda. One would think after having lived in Pakistan (Peshawar), you would be fully aware that wearing the chaddar is the proper thing to do so. But obviously not. After all this time I dont know whether to cry or laugh at your posts now. I feel sorry for your husband and agree, you're the prime cause for tension etc etc in your marriage. You knew him beforehand. You knew he was a reserved person. You knew your MIL didnt like you. You knew your inlaws. You knew he wanted to live in Pakistan. You knew he was traditional, typical, islamic, call it what you want. Yet, you married him. What else can I say?
Re: need some help on calmness.feeling vry angry .
[QUOTE]
hes the sort of man who doesn't bend over backwards to just please me for one day,. hes got a ego. like he will be nice a little bit and if I still don't budge he cools off. he doesn't get more worried or more eager to win me back
[/QUOTE]
Well...if you're always complaining and are always angry at him, how do you expect him to be more eager to please you? Marriage is give and take. If you keep giving him crap, he isn't going to 'bend over backwards' to please you.
Actually, this bending over backwards to please the wife is a bollywood notion anyway. Or the works of 19 year old boys. Real grown men are not going to sit and keep pacifying their wives all the time. I did this a couple times with my husband, where I was mad at him and stayed mad for a while wanting him to pacify me more. He did it for a short bit, but then stopped. And from that I realized what I was doing was childish and I'm not gaining anything out of it. So I don't let a situation get that far where I still need him to pacify me and he's given up. You need to learn how your husband acts and reacts and try working around that.
Nadz, if you are so negative about your husband that anything he asks you to do angers you, then his attitude isn't the only issue. I think you really need to see a relationship counselor.
Also, just because a couple is chatting and laughing doesn't mean that they don't have issues or that they don't fight. They probably just handle their relationship better and maybe compromise/sacrifice in the relationship to keep it healthy.
Re: need some help on calmness.feeling vry angry .
unsure about what to say or how to start. me and husband seem to be having issues. or rather I have issues with him. I cant seem to want to talk to him, to even bother to message him, I don't feel like I used to feel. there was a time I was obsessed with receiving messages from him and I want to be furious if he didntmessage me one day. or if he didn't call. I don't seem to care anymore. I want to go mad run to the hills and scream, I don't feel like we are friends. even his one request to me feels like im being controlled. if he askes something of me I get angry. I cant tolerate anything anymore. there are times we have disagreements arugment s etc and I will say yeh ok me and u r both are wrong. buyt he says no its you and why do you have to counter attack all the time. etc etc. just feel hollow and careless right now. there will or may be a time il cry but most times im just feeling mad at him. and I cant seem to calm down and be normal with him.i just feel angry all the time. mybe ive fallen out of love. scry. but I don't know. hes the sort of man who doesn't bend over backwards to just please me for one day,. hes got a ego. like he will be nice a little bit and if I still don't budge he cools off. he doesn't get more worried or more eager to win me back its the opposite he just goes off himself then. im not saying he needs to please me all the time but he should make the effort atleast once I his life now that im the one whose turned cold. feels odd. its been 4 days no contact. because he said im the problem in most of our fights. so whatever.
i think i might be like your husband. so weird
Re: need some help on calmness.feeling vry angry .
You need to recite durood shareef as often as possible. You will be amazed with the amount of positivity its going to grow within you! Take my words for this. You will feel very calm.
Re: need some help on calmness.feeling vry angry .
Whats durood shareef :;/
Re: need some help on calmness.feeling vry angry .
Whats durood shareef :;/
Salutations to the Prophet SAWS. Like the one you recite in in the last rakaat after reciting atta hayat (where you lift your finger) is called Durood e Ibrahimi....Allahumma sallay aala Muhammadin wa aala aalay Muhammadin kama salayta aala Ibrahima......
There are shorter ones as well such Sallallahu alayka ya rasoolullah...etc.
Re: need some help on calmness.feeling vry angry .
Re: need some help on calmness.feeling vry angry .
ps. Nadz, I am not sure if one should cry or laugh at your comment.
Re: need some help on calmness.feeling vry angry .
Re: need some help on calmness.feeling vry angry .
Now she knows. We all were taught as well and there are many things we learn about....many errors we fix along the way.....many misconceptions that are cleared...all ranging from the most basic to the more complex.