Re: Need References for the following
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& Peace name_105,
- Allah says in the Qur’an do not say even “uff” to parents. Now, I read somewhere (and it makes sense too) that this applies as long as your parents don’t you ask to do something that’s kufr or some form of shirk. Please provide an authentic reference to this. (I already know from a hadith that not saying even “uff” also applies if the parents are non-believers, so please do not misunderstand my query in this way.)
Summary of Surah Bani Israil or The Children of Israel (Al Isra 17: 23-40).
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Our service to Allah is shown also in our human relations: goodness to parents and kinsmen and strangers in want, as well as kindness to children, purity in sex relations, justice and respect for human life, protection of orphans, probity in all dealings, and avoidance, for Allah doth encompass all men.
Al Quran: 17:23-24: "Note the act of worship may be collective as well as individual; hence the plural ta’budu. The kidness to parents is and individual act of piety; hence the singular taqul, qul, etc. The mataphor is that of a high-flying bird which lowers her wing out of tenderness to her offspring means loweres her wing in tender solicitude for the little ones. where it is applied to “lowering the wing” to aged parents. There is a double aptness:
(1) When the parent was strong and the child was helpless, parental affection was showered on the child; when the child grows up and is strong, and the parent is helpless, can he do less than bestow similar tender care on the parent?
(2) But more: he must approach the matter with gentle humility; for does not parental love remind him of the great love with which Allah cherishes His creatures? There is something here more than simple human gratitude: it goes up into the highest spiritual region.
Note that we are asked to honour our father and mother. In the first place not merely respect, but cherishing kindness, and humility to parents, are commanded. In the second place, this command is bracketed with the command to worship the One True Allah; parental love should be to us a type of divine love: nothing that we can do can ever really compensate for that which we have received. In the third place our spiritual advancement to tested by this: we cannot expect Allah’s forgiveness if we are rude or unkind to those who unselfishly brought us up.
Al Quran: 31:13-15 (Surah Al Luqman): "Luqman a.s. is held up as a pattern of wisdom, because he realised the best in a wise life in this world, as based upon the highest home in the inner life. To him, as in Islam, true human wisdom is also divine wisdom; the two cannot be separated. The beginning of all wisdom, therefore, is confromity with the Will of Allah. That means that we must understand our relations to Him and worship Him aright. Then we must be good to mankind, beginning with our own parents. For tht two duties are not diverse, but one. Where they appear to conflict, there is something wrong with the human will means where the duty to man conflicts with the duty to Allah, it means that there is something wrong with the human will, and we should obey Allah rather than man. But even here, it does not mean that we should be arrogant or insolent. To parents and those in authority, we must be kind, considerate, and courteous, even where they command things which we should not do and therefore disobedience becomes our highest duty.
In any apparent conflict of duties our standard should be Allah’s Will, as declared to us by His Command. That is the way of those who love Allah and their motive in disobedience to parents or human authority where disobedience is necessary by Allah’s Law, is not self-willed rebellion or defiance, but love of Allah, which means the true love of man in the highest sense of the word. And the reason should given is: “Both you and I have to return to Allah; therefore not only must I follow Allah’s Will, but you must command nothing against Allah’s Will.”
But if they strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; means, if they try hard to make you follow them in their religion, then do not accept that from them, but do not let that stop you from behaving with them in the world kindly, i.e. treating them with respect.
**There are many Hadiths which speak about honoring one’s parents, such as the Hadith narrated through a number of chains of narration from Anas r.a. and others, which states that the Prophet 
climbed up on the Minbar, and then said, ****Amin, Amin, Amin. It was said, “O Messenger of Allah why did you say Amin”. He said: Jabril a.s. came to me and said, “O Muhammad, he is doomed who hears you mentioned and does not say Salla upon you.” He said, “Say Amin,” so I said Amin. Then he said, “He is doomed who sees the month of Ramadan come and go, and he has not been forgiven.” He said, “Say Amin,” so I said Amin. Then he said, “He is doomed who grows up and both his parents or one of them are still alive, and they do not cause him to enter Paradise.” He said, “Say Amin,” So I said Amin.
At-Tabarani recorded in Al-Shrah that Sa’ad bin Malik said, “This verse, (But if they strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; means, if they try hard to make you follow them in their religion, then do not accept that from them, but do not let that stop you from behaving with them in the world kindly, i.e. treating them with respect) was revealed concerning me. I was a man who honored his mother, but when I became Muslim, she said: ‘O Sa’ad! What is this new thing I see you doing leave this religion of yours, or I will not eat or drink until I die, and people will say: Shame on you, for wht you have done to me, and they will say that you have killed your mother.’ I said, ‘Don’t do that, O mother, for I will not give up this religion of mine for anything.’ she stayed without eating for one day and one night, and she became exhausted; then she stayed for another day and night without eating, and she became utterly exhausted. When I saw that, I said: ‘O my mother, by Allah, even if you had on hundred souls and they were to depart one by one, I would not give up this religion of mine for anything, so if you want to eat, and if you wan to, do not eat.’ So she ate.”**
References:
Tafsir of Qur’an by A. Yusuf Ali
Tafsir of Qur’an by Ibn Katheer
Islambasis.come
For other two questions, will answer soon.
