with no intention to worry you but sometimes guys (and some girls) get married and then feel like they need attention from elsewhere.
when a girl is not appealing one time, but once he's married and no longer single and available, he mite feel like needing a challenge and needing to go and get attention from another girl, especially one that has previously shown attention.
i dont believe they were that close before taht they chatted for hours, if that was the case why wud he reject her proposal.
sorry to say but i seems to me like maybe he is enjoying external attention.
if i was u id stay aware of whats goin on and put ur foot down. tell him he doesnt need to call her to fight any battles on ur behalf. and he shudnt need to contact her again.
^ agree with Red Ruby..
Something feels wrong.. I think if you forgive him on this situation then he will probabaly do it again and in a worse situation
Maybe ask him to put the shoe on the other foot and ask if he would be happy if your male cousin was calling you in the middle of the night..
I think we have scared her. Please just go talk to him. it sounds odd, and you know it. otherwise im sure you wouldnt be asking on a forum. talk to him, and get more info for your own sanity.
hmm a guy exchanging 150 texts and over 2 hours of phone time in a period of 3 days? With a girl who is "just a friend"? Houston, we have a problem.
Thank you. I find it fishy. I don't even send my best friend that many texts in that period of time, and we talk a lot. So I see no reason for him to be up at that hour talking & texting her. Also I don't see why he kept it a secret and the girl had to confront him. He wouldn't need to hid eif it wasn't something to worry about. I would monitor his texts closely. And if he says its harmless, then he should be able to let you read the text messages....
Yes I had long long talk with him about how upset I feel that he had to talk with her, without telling me, and for so long. He feels soo embarrased and ashamed for doing this. even cried He hasnt touched his fone for the longest time. He is apologizing and asking for another chance. He is saying it is a one time mistake and has no idea why it happened, but wont happen again.. Now he is trying to spend more time with me etc..
I asked what soooo many msgs cud possibily be about, and he said they talked about old childhood memories, her job, career, family life, her boyfriend?!?
hmm. i just need to get over this and move on. i keep torturing myself and messing up my relationship by remembering the number of msgs and calls. I work so hard to forget.. and then I am like OMG 150 msgs in 3 days… what cud they have talked about!! and I think all the wrong things..
I did ask this . how he wud feel if i talked with a male cousin.. he said it would not matter since he was talking to her only as a sister..and he says since he doesnt have a own sister he considers his khala zaad cousins sisters.. so if i did talk.. it wouldnt be a problem..however, he does admit that he should not have done it so late night or so many.. he dint even realize it was so many ..
and my husband does talk a lot... so maybe all those messages are cuz of his talkative nature??
and its a total of incoming and outgoing 150 msgs.
And the cousin's mom found out and said this is very wrong and must stop also.. so the cousin is not gonna msg again.. and my husband is so embarrased for doing this to me.. he wont again either.
now I need to get over this.. i guess time will heal everything inshallah.
It is water under the bridge.. he was naeive (sp) and it is good that you confronted it.. he knows that i fyou can't tolerate this you won't tolerate any other bull from him or anyone else..
With men, the more openess you give the more they know that they will get away with it..
I think you should tell him that in marriage you will both need to be open with each other and if that means access to mobile and emails so be it.. it will prevent either of you wandering into wrong things and also keeps the trust there..
Please don't worry your head over it hun.. I am glad you challenged rather than brushed it under the carpet and it is a stark reminder for him of what he did was wrong, no matter how innocent he thinks or tries to make it out..
I don't think you are over-reacting. First because if your husband was talking to her, he shouldn't have lied to you about how long he talks to her and how many messages they exchange. Why lie if you don't have anything to hide. I'd be pissed too.
I am sure he has other cousins or friends he can talk to if he just wants to talk to someone, why this particular cousin who was interested in him. Its just odd.
My husband's family was all set to marry him with his cousin but he said no.. it was a big deal in his family. The two cousins grew up together and understood each other very well. But now, my husband doesn't ever talk to her or even mentions her name because he knows its just not right. And it'll hurt me.
I don't see any reason why your husband should be talking to her. Yehi larki mili hai baat cheet karnay ke lieay, sari duniya mar gaei hai kia?
however, he does admit that he should not have done it so late night or so many.. he dint even realize it was so many ..
*and my husband does talk a lot... so maybe all those messages are cuz of his talkative nature??
and its a total of incoming and outgoing 150 msgs. *
And the cousin's mom found out and said this is very wrong and must stop also.. so the cousin is not gonna msg again.. and my husband is so embarrased for doing this to me.. he wont again either.
now I need to get over this.. i guess time will heal everything inshallah.
I don't text that often but if that talkative friend texts me, I can easily get a total of 100-200 texts (incoming and outgoing) in 1 day. I won't even realize that I sent that many texts.
He cried and apologized. He even told you what they spoke about. You could trust him and let this go. Or you can be suspicious and look at his phone. But if I were you, I'd let it go. If he doesn't text her again, don't hold this as a grudge and don't bring it up in a future argument.
I know you got a lot of negative feedback (including mine) but the point is that you got the answer you wanted, he realised is mistake and it is best for your relationship that you move on..
I promise you men can be very silly .. and sometimes you need to show them what the limits are
Some guys from Pakistan think aaah she lives in the west, sab kuch chaltha hai and it is only the men who fear ALLAH that refrain from pushing those limits and seeing how far things can go..
He hasnt touched his fone for the longest time. He is apologizing and asking for another chance. He is saying it is a one time mistake and has no idea why it happened, but wont happen again.. Now he is trying to spend more time with me etc..