Re: need number desp!
Maybe the mother knows something that we don't know and that's why she's silent.
Re: need number desp!
the thing is, its a very sad situation...
but, if she goes ahead and calls the police on her family... what will that do to her? People will label her as the girl who disrespected her parents?
i know noone should care about what others think, but i think the best thing is, if she has tried to speak to her dad and that has not worked, than speak to the guy.. tell him how she feels.. ask him why he is marrying her. You never know, he may turn out to be a really nice person.. so what if he's from pak..
the problem here is the forcing... not the guy. So, talk to him.. and see what happens
Maybe the mother knows something that we don't know and that's why she's silent.
Yes. Hoping for the family to be united and happy.
Re: need number desp!
If your friend is in the UK, get her out of the house to a trusted friend or relative. Don't pass this info on to the parents. Get her to write a letter saying she will go to the press if they don't back off and that in Islam forced marriage is forbidden quite explicitly.
To be honest having met this type of people, I don't really see any chance of her dad backing off. He sounds quite dead set, so since her parents are unlikely to resolve the situation, she needs to extract herself from it. If she's a UK national that gives her a lot more power. If she's dual national paki she MUST not leave the country, because once she's in Pakistan there isn't that much the home office can do to help a dual national, they can only really help with British nationals.
i found out today my frend is gettin forced by her dad n aunt to marry this guy bak hme in pak. n shes dead against it n doesnt want to marry the guy. her mum isnt sayn enetin even though she doesnt want this to happen. im reli scared for her does eneone kno ene helpline tht she cn contact? i told her to call the police but shes too scared to do it. im reli confused i reli dnt kno wt do ...i cnt ask my parents they might say its sum1 family buisness dnt go into it. plz sum1 tel me wt to do...
Did parent see she was going 'out of control'?
Re: need number desp!
Get in touch also immediately with Karma Nirvana www, karmanirvana,org,uk
[FONT=Times New Roman]0800 5999 247
[FONT=Times New Roman]****
[FONT=Times New Roman]It's a charity that deals specifically with forced marriage, set up by a lady who was forced into marriage, so it's extremely good. They know how to deal with all these issues like what to do if you involve the police, cultural sensitivities etc. From their website:
[FONT=Times New Roman]****
[FONT=Times New Roman]"
Karma Nirvana’s staff and most of its 18 volunteers are survivors of forced marriage and 'honour'-based violence. Project founder and director Jasvinder Sanghera wants the voices of victims “to be heard” and to “shape policy”.
An astute campaigner and powerful speaker, she has forged links with the police, Crown Prosecution Service, local authorities, judges and magistrates. Sanghera is working on a PhD on honour violence and her memoir Shame was published in 2007.
Jasvinder ran away from home at 15 after being shown a photograph of a man she had never met and told he was to be her husband. Her sister Robina committed suicide at 24 by setting herself on fire, rather than leave a violent relationship.
Karma Nirvana young persons’ project worker Shazia Qayum was forced into marriage and, aged 17, was escorted from her marital home at 3am by the police after phoning them to help her escape. "
If you are too scared to call the police, call Karma Nirvana immediately. They're in the best position to advise your friend.
[quote="Straight_up, post:2, topic:191153"]
*First of all, I don't like friends meddling in other people's lives unnecessarily. *
Listen you fool, this girl is literally being enslaved to a family she doesn't even want to know, its not meddling, here friends are trying to keep her from entering a life of abuse or even eventual suicide.
Secondly, if she asked for your help, and specifically asked you for a helpline number, then all I have to say is - if she's brave enough to call help lines and jeopardize her family's reputation, etc. then she should be brave enough to stand up to her parents.
Have you never heard of girls being murdered by their own family members over so called 'honour', here father obviously cares more for his nephew than he does for his daughter, maybe this girl is just a little bit smarter than you & thought she wouldn't risk going through all that 'murder & being scattered over a hillside' stuff. The way your defending these people makes you sound like one of them, maybe your relying on this evil custom of slavery to get yourself a bride?
Re: need number desp!
Calling the police, help lines, etc. is a coward's way out.
[/quote]
Hold on here, dont let your mouth run ahead of you brain, so according to you a girl who is in a vulnerable position, who is being forced against here will to live a life of abuse & constant depression by the same people who are 'supposed' to be the most protective over her, & you wonder why she decides to take the safe option? daughters are the most precious things to a father, more than his sons, your job as a parent is to protect & keep them happy, sure alot of cultural customs are benefitial to our way of life & the ideas behind them should be understood by our kids but to force a girl who is in no position to say no, all for tha sake of your nephew & 'family honour', thats a hindu custom that your propagating where girls come second to boys.........& some of us call ourselves muslims.
Cowards are those who are forcing her, esp here brothers if she has any, who in any case should do whatever it takes to protect here...they're the biggest cowards, they should shoulder the blame/dishonour of the family by making sure it doesn't happen, that way the parents would face too much resistence & have a chip to use against the extended family.
As for the girl, she has no choice but to call the helplines, its possibly her life at stake, she will also lose her family, have to start again from scratch on her own. Its nothing but bravery on her part.
personal attacks removed
Sorry chacha :p
i was meant to watch this, and missed it thanx for the link…
thnku orpheus yea she does reside in uk. n she thnks u for the information.
What SU said has some weight.
Fine if they have no reputation but what will it be if anyone just barges in their house and does something she may not even like?
There is something which is not being told here. That is, what does her mother say and by the way parents do have rights too.
A marriage is no marriage if it is forced but can't she just tell this the poor guy instead of running after her friends or whoever?
Someone else can call him. He is a big part in it so he must know. Its not like she will be highjacked by him from her house. She still has chance to save dignity of herself and her family.
i read the information that Orpheus posted and also watched the documentry. i didnt see them barging in the house and doing something the girl might not like. wt i saw was they give her options on what they can do to help in the situation and respectd the choice of the girl they diddnt push her into something she wouldnt like.
shes lost trust in her family and she gna get maried to her dads nephew. she doesnt kno him personaly she neva met him or toked to him. shes scared tht the guy might know that shes being forced. also shes scared that the guy might tell her dad n scared what her dad will do.
i read the information that Orpheus posted and also watched the documentry. i didnt see them barging in the house and doing something the girl might not like. wt i saw was they give her options on what they can do to help in the situation and respectd the choice of the girl they diddnt push her into something she wouldnt like.
shes lost trust in her family and she gna get maried to her dads nephew. she doesnt kno him personaly she neva met him or toked to him. shes scared tht the guy might know that shes being forced. also shes scared that the guy might tell her dad n scared what her dad will do.
Well, just as she thinks she has some rights, don't you think he has some right to know the situation. For all we know he may be planning a huge thing out of this thinking she is just an eastern girl and shy to talk to him or whatever and don't you think she is playing with his emotions?
Thats just cruel and selfish on her part to hide the truth from him.
It should not be me, me and just me.
Why assume and why not give the man some credit of using his judgement on it.
Do you think he would want to live in complex situation like this?
Just give him chance and some credit. Not much to ask.
Lastly, so what if her dad finds out from him. Dad already knows she does not like to be married this way. What difference will it make? It only will benefit but not be worse than what it is now.
Just a thought, she may start liking him if she talks to him. Who knows. That will be good for everyone. We don't even know if she likes someone else or not.
Re: need number desp!
The girl should call the guy or email him and say she is getting really cold feet, and he's a nice guy, but she can't go forward with it. Yeah the girl might be like "oh my parents will kill me" but really they won't....they are just going to make a big drama like "oh humari naak katwa di, etc etc" but if she is ziddi it is NOT going to happen. Seriously...she is going to have to sleep with this guy...it's almost like a one nite stand cuz he's a total stranger....she has the choice to get out now. she doesn't have to get on the plane. The parents might swear, scream, cry...WHO CARES....long term it's ur life, and also they will get over it and warm back up to you. Pakistani parents can be amazingly manipulative and coercive...but she should think 1 step ahead of them and know that ultimately, she is the only one in charge of her life.
she can just call up the guys family and tell them off really really bad. she can tell them that she can't paal the whole damn tabar and she knows they are just after her dads money and that she will rip them apart if she sees them.
they will get so embarrased(bcs they have this proudness ego thing over there) that they'll probably call it off themselves.
or she can tell other comon risthidaars there that these people are so begairith they want ot eat off of my parents kamai. that will ge thtem where ti hurts and htey will probably tell her dad to take a hike. haha!
i hope i helped :)
Re: need number desp!
Ask her to watch Namaste London… who knows the guy actually might be good for her 
Re: need number desp!
Glad i could help.
Re: need number desp!
^ur not so scary after all...:@: