Need marriage advice

[soundarya]

Re: Need marriage advice

Since I tend to spend a lot of time working, I had requested that my parents look for a doctor. Given the number of doctors in my family and that generally come to US, I know that their career path is already figured out and there is a good chance that she will quickly adjust to the system. Plus, I think that her being so well educated would have a very positive affect on the children.

I live in the US. I once met a Pakistani doctor, she must have been in her 40s. She was working as a medical assistant or something of that sort (basically, she wasn't a doctor over here). She graduated from Pakistan, moved to the US, and sacrificed her career and all her hard work to concentrate on her marriage and children. You know what she said to me when I met her? She said that even though she's much older now, she's applying for her residency and wants to accomplish what she always wanted. I asked her about her children and if she's aware that she might end up doing her residency in a different state. She replied saying that her husband & children should manage. She said if necessary, she'll leave her family for some time, go back to Pakistan and practice there.

My point is... you can't expect a person who worked SOO hard her entire life to give it up, be a stay at home mom, and not be bothered by it. Your future kids can be brought up well if their mother is a housewife, nurse, engineer, teacher, etc. Being a doctor really doesn't mean your kids will turn out right. Also, it's ALWAYS hard for international doctors to work in the US- they have to take their boards, do internships/rotations, learn the new electronic systems, and then there's almost always the chance of doing residency in a different state.

Lastly, while I understand that there are LOTS of girls in Pakistan... please give the girls in the US a chance. I come across so many good girls over here who are single because the guys are marrying girls from back home. Then the US girls get older and are stuck with very few prospects.

[diamond321]

Re: Need marriage advice

When the larka and larkay walay start looking for girls they assume that they will get a YES as answer from everyone they will approach. First wait and see who says yes to you and then you can filter or choose according to your preferences. Happy wife shopping !

[Gina]

Re: Need marriage advice

A mother is a mother, regardless of her profession and career... a doctor is as good as a mother as a mother that stays at home and does nothing. You don't need any degree or diploma's to be a good mother/father.

[sheyn]

Re: Need marriage advice

**It comes across from your posts that you yourself are confused as to what are your requirements for a future spouse/partner. Now if you've done your MBA i'm assuming u are at least in ur late twenties by which time I think you should be clearer about what your likes and dislikes are and what is or isn't acceptable to you ......basically what you will compromise on and that which you absolutely will NOT !

Maybe once you are clear on how far you are willing to compromise then only should you look at potential partners. You mentioned in your posts that you are willing to put in a "certain amount of commitment"".........Well Marriage is not about a certain amount....it takes COMPLETE commitment and willingness to be able to ADJUST to and COMPROMISE on a lot of things that you may not like but are needed to make a marriage work...........so no matter how many lists you make of however criterias that your future mate should fulfill at the end its about willingness to compromise on what you get....cuz U ain't ever gonna find a perfect match !**

[ShahreyarKhan]

Re: Need marriage advice

man oh man

[busy]

Re: Need marriage advice

You sound so confused, you sound like my husband. He says he married me for all those reasons and it breaks my heart everytime he utters this theory. What about love?

[Mirch]

Re: Need marriage advice

furrkhan , did they not teach you brevity is the key of communications , in your business communications class ?
Such a long post for asking relationship advice.

[fuurkan]

Re: Need marriage advice

@goddamniamsoawesome rofl, based on your comment that name suits you very well :-P

@Reha Haha, "Daaaktaar!!" that's what I am going to call them from now. Seriously though, the reason they are the first ones to come to my mind is that it is mostly what I see in my family and immediate friends. We are a very "healthcare" family. Abu g, doc, ammi g, doc, bhai 1, doc, sis in law 1, doc... you get the idea. I somehow became one of the outliers; but not by too much because even my work revolves around healthcare as well. What's more interesting is that the ladies that are not docs are pretty much all housewives. In my case that's where this influence is coming from. I wasn't thinking about this before so thank you for making this apparent to me :)

@Gina~ Please see my above response to Reha.

@X2 I generally work with cents, but 2 pence will do :) About #2, that's actually one of the reasons why I still have the option to take on consulting gigs that involve a lot of travel. #3 definitely makes sense and is something that I will think more about.

@hanibal Actually, this isn't really a job posting (shaadi.com?), but rather an inquiry to collect experiences so I can learn. Educate me on this topic, please.

@soundarya Agreed, that's actually what I have noticed as well. The docs that don't end up practicing generally regret once the children are all grown up. I also agree with your the situation on local girls. I am going to see how I can get my parents to look here in US.

@diamon321 Agreed, the success rate might be much lower than 100%. Especially if you are looking for someone in Pakistan where sometimes the parents or the girl might not like the idea of living in a different country.

@sheyn Yes, I certainly am confused and currently working on getting some clarity. I am hoping that the anonymity of the folks here will result in some honest input.

I agree that there is no perfect match, but you can still do a lot upfront to minimize friction and compromises down the road.

@busy Yes, I am. lol, this is my logical side, the emotional side seems much more clear and focused. You know, the "dil phaink!" one. Hehe =D Seriously though, that's why I want to make sure that I understand and validate, to whatever extent I can, the reasons behind my criteria and decision. I want to own this decision rather than getting it forced on me.

@Mirch TL;DR? Array, this is one of the most important projects, it couldn't be any shorter. Plus, doing it, what feels like the "night before it's due" doesn't help much :) Lol, talking about long posts, how do you like this one?