Re: need help.....
^ yes.. totally WAS our situation... we had to message each other in the morning and then at night.. it was a given.. LOL haha :)
i mish those days.. but at least now i have him all to me
Your fiance/cousin and you need to work this out before getting married. If you are already this worried before marriage......then how will it be after getting married. Do you think you are strong enough to spend your whole life staying quiet every time there is an uncontrollable angry outburst. Since you both are cousins, then keep in mind that heated arguments between you both can potentially cause huge problems between both of your families because everyone is related. And that is risky It can be like a domino effect....where all the pieces go down one by one.
Tell ur fiance what is bothering you. Tell him that his words deeply hurt you and that he shouldn't take take his anger toward other people out on you. And tell him that he needs to be patient as both of you (not only him) are confronting family disapproval. Tell him that you REALLY want to be his wife, but his temper and grudges are making you have doubts about getting married in the future. Maybe that will motivate him to control his temper.
I'm not trying to scare you, Hoda. I hope that inshaAllah everything works out for you both. You have to make the ultimate decision for marriage. Seek guidance through prayer:) My best wishes.
Re: need help.....
I guess I dont like angry men...but then again who does? My fiance doesnt shout at me or get angry with me ever (and I can be a bit demanding)...he is really calm and even-keeled. So when I see a guy lose his temper, it unsettles me a bit.
In the end, if you want to stick it out with him just make sure his temper is something you can deal with. People get angry all the time, not just the distance but other things too. But we all have different ways of expressing it.
Re: need help.....
^ thats sweet PSquared :)
I dont have the temperament to yell.. so i dont. I doubt ive yelled at anyone except for my younger sister hehe.. but i can get very very mad and upset. My hubby has NEVER shouted at me.. but definately has gotten upset at me.. People have different ways of dealing things.. i love him more than anything though (actually a tie between him and bubz)
Re: need help.....
mashallah u r soo lucky
Re: need help.....
Yes Sadzzz...Mashallah that is wonderful to hear.
couples have arguments all the time. wat is the big deal about his anger.
it is a frustrating siutatoin and he is angry and rightfully so the wway his khala is behaving overly strict in this da and age where even people living in small cities are more modern and open-minded then these so called big city urbanites.
Re: need help…
PSquared - I am with you on that one through and through. Angry, shouting men make me run the other way like no tomorrow. It’s interesting how us three (sadzzz, you and I) sound so similar in this way - it’s us who are more demanding in our relationships and although these men have been upset but never shouted at us. 
Thank God. 
thank u all for ur advice........
he doesnt shouts at me all...but gets angry.....he says atleast my mom should allow us to talk on call....i dnt have father and my whole family just dnt even care a bit abt me.....dey stopped my college even....coz they thought dat my studies r just waste of money......
in this whole situation my fiancee is da only one to understand me and support me.....i cant even think of leaving him.....dats out of my thoughts......he bares my expenditures even when i m just a fiancee rite now.....
when ever he is wid me....near me he says he is da luckiest man........but when he is away...he gets angry.....he says dat if my brother is allowed to talk to his girlfriend (my mom allows him talk to his girlfriend....even she laughs with him)....then my fiancee said y not we r allowed to talk on call.....
would it be possible for you to get a mobile phone? if so get one and it would be easier for you. I personally think your mum is being unfair. It is really horrible when parents have double standards for different children, talk to your mum and if she doesn't understand buy a phone you could also use msn. Have you thought about getting a job or continuing your studies i think you should put some emphasis into this. I think your fiancé gets angry because he sees the way your mum teats you as a injustice and wants to help but probably doent know how to thus the anger.
i have a mobile phone......but its also has rules from my mom.....:(
Re: need help.....
Huda_roha dear, your mother's treatment is really unfair! None of us like loud or angry men but he seems to a benevolent chap who is just a tad bit frustrated with how unjust this all is. It's very sad that your family does not treat you with the love and respect you deserve but you are quite lucky to find a man who truly values you.
Next time he starts to get upset, try displacing his anger. Tell him softly and tenderly how much you love him and if he is just patient then neither of you will have to deal with this again. While you are apart write him letters or copy poems. Maybe keep a diary and write a passage to him everyday. Next time you see him, give him all the notes and the diary and ask him to read them when he misses you and thinks of you. Encourage him to keep up a similar correspondence with you. Give him a nice picture of you that he can keep under his pillow, write something sweet on the back.
Next time he comes to your house and your Mom makes you sit far apart or what not, don't let that stop you from making a connection with him. Smile at him often and have a very happy and positive disposition. If you are serving him a drink or food lock eyes and make a connection. Really and truly, physical contact does not make two people closer to one another. My fiance and I live in different states that are thousands of miles apart. Many couples both engaged and married live countries apart.
Stay strong in your faith and try to be loving and happy and bright. It will be hard for him to stay angry if you are a beacon of cheerfulness.
But dear, do be certain to take note of this as one of his faults. He is impatient and he is prone to extreme anger. Without a doubt, he will exhibit this behavior again during married life. Find ways to deal with it and accept it as a reality.
Re: need help.....
do a thing, tell him that as you are not his wife yet and are ur parents' responsibilty so he should talk to ur parents regarding whatever he wants and if ur parents allow u then take any step. i have seen many fiancees doing so, blackmailing and bothering many girls by doing so, plz make it fair, nothing bad will happen. stay fair, allah will make things straight for u. this is my sincere advice as many boys do so and they in a way want to b backstage and then want to make u do what they wish. so, as to get safe from the responsibilt, don't get affraid and have ur parents' trust.
thanx alot u all...i dnt apologize for his mistake.i apologize wen i make mistake..... he was not like dat before engagement...he gets angry wen he cant see me...he lives in karachi and i m in lahore.....he can come once a year..and wen he comes we cant even talk...we just see each other from far away even wen we r in one house....this makes him angry alot.
If you are not allowed to talk, even when he is in your home, how on earth did you manage to have a "love" marriage to be? If he can't control his anger, you need to ask yourself if he is worth it and if you can live with this anger all your life....
Re: need help.....
If you love this guy and want to be with him, you need to get married quickly. One year is way too long for an already frustrated couple.
Hoda dear, you are at the end of the day your parents' responsibility and they are trying to protect you. Thats all. :)
If I were you, I would email and text as much as possible to overcome this.
how can i get married when my brothers r not ready to take responsibility for expenditure of full wedding......
i giv tutions to kids...make things and sell them and joining money for my shadi.....
mom already said me u have to do all by urself....
Huda_roha dear, your mother's treatment is really unfair! None of us like loud or angry men but he seems to a benevolent chap who is just a tad bit frustrated with how unjust this all is. It's very sad that your family does not treat you with the love and respect you deserve but you are quite lucky to find a man who truly values you.
Next time he starts to get upset, try displacing his anger. Tell him softly and tenderly how much you love him and if he is just patient then neither of you will have to deal with this again. While you are apart write him letters or copy poems. Maybe keep a diary and write a passage to him everyday. Next time you see him, give him all the notes and the diary and ask him to read them when he misses you and thinks of you. Encourage him to keep up a similar correspondence with you. Give him a nice picture of you that he can keep under his pillow, write something sweet on the back.
Next time he comes to your house and your Mom makes you sit far apart or what not, don't let that stop you from making a connection with him. Smile at him often and have a very happy and positive disposition. If you are serving him a drink or food lock eyes and make a connection. Really and truly, physical contact does not make two people closer to one another. My fiance and I live in different states that are thousands of miles apart. Many couples both engaged and married live countries apart.
Stay strong in your faith and try to be loving and happy and bright. It will be hard for him to stay angry if you are a beacon of cheerfulness.
But dear, do be certain to take note of this as one of his faults. He is impatient and he is prone to extreme anger. Without a doubt, he will exhibit this behavior again during married life. Find ways to deal with it and accept it as a reality.
thanx for advice...i m sure this will help me alot...thnx alot
If you are not allowed to talk, even when he is in your home, how on earth did you manage to have a "love" marriage to be? If he can't control his anger, you need to ask yourself if he is worth it and if you can live with this anger all your life....
we used to talk on sms first.....den love started to grow....and my family got aware of dat....so i used to talk to him from college on my friends mob.....we dnt live together...i m mentioning wen he visits my place....