need help..i've kept it in inside me to long:'(

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Heyyyy!!
Hope everyone is good..enjoying summer!
I’ve been on gupshup for a while and i’ve come across of alot of different stories, jokes etc..and i never thought i would share such a personal story about myself…so others could discuss and maybe even be critical towards me..well anyways i need help because im kinda confused about what i should do next..so please help me because im lost:(

Here it goes…im in a college where most students are girls (150ish) and there like 5ish boys…my first year was fab..i loved my friends,my subjects..just everything!..
I started my final year all excited about leaving, uni etc etc..i had different friendship groups as i liked socializing..sum were from my skwl days others i made in college and my sisters frnds..there was this new guy that enrolled and knew one of my old frnds and that way we would often say the hi hello..he was quiet at first and would always be in the library as he also has a sister in the college.

Eventually me and my frnds from college had formed a new friendship group which he was also now part of (this was like 15/16 girls and him being the only guy)..we would all go out togeva and hang around 2geva at lunch and stuff).

At that time he had a gf (A) but he was close to me and another girl(B) as friends…A wasnt with us because she was a year younger than us however she wasnt eager on him hanging around with us. B had a bad habbit and eventually got him to do be part of that bad habbit aswell. I disliked that habbit and told him that i would not talk to him unless he stopped. He agreed. The same weekend he told me that he liked me and wntd 2 go out with me and he would dump A because he didnt like her and liked me:S
At that point i sed no because i wasnt ready 2 get into a relationship but he still dumped A.

He asked me over and over again, i would say no and we would get into an argument. After 3 weeks of him begging me i gave in and agreed. He was my 1st boyfrnd and i had told him i wouldnt do sumthing i wud regret later on, he was fine with it. By that time only 2 girls (B and C-will tell u bout her later on)in college knew because it was an undercover relationship and my family was also there..i didnt want 2 risk it.

**We had a few arguments here and there but he absolutely loved me..was kind and soo caring. during this time we would spend all our time togather in college and when at home over msn. He then suggested he wntd time alone, so we met up. Even though i had told him before he tried 2 get physical and kind of succeded. Around that time rumours started 2 spread and my family was getting the hint aswell. **

C-(another girl in college) was the second person who knew about my relationship with him and after her trying to persuade me not to go out with him and i still did, she had gone distant. When we came back from holidays she was starting to get very close to me and i thought she was generally being a supoortive frnd. However things started to get akward..if we would go out and she would join us..if we had a free she would always be there with us..she wntd 2 knw everything i did with him and i would tell her. During my relationship i had gone rather distant from sum of my frnds as i was giving alot of my time to my bf so i thought she just wntd 2 be there for me..she would take him out of the room and wen he would call me she wud say no its private:S

**Eventually after B & C had told a few girls in college my family started to get suspicious and he called it of. I was really confused as to why we broke up bc the day before we broke up he was soo normal and as soon as C had taken him out to talk he decided to break it off. **

He had talked to me about things i would never talk to a guy about. He did things with me i would never had allowed but he convinced me saying he was gunna marry me bc he was a family frnd and his family wntd a girl like me. I was soo angry at him and B and C because they stopped talking to me even though it had nothing to do with them.

I got into a argument with him..then we became normal. Then it was akward as i would find C at times sitting in his lap etc. I moved to a different friendship group as i had fallen in love with him and couldnt see him so close with sum1 else, even if they were just friends.

As i moved groups many ppl had stopped talking to me, including him..The next few months i cried and cried not knwing wat was wrong with me..Eventually i came to terms and was ok about not talking to him. I then found out from his sister that he was going out with C as soon as i broke up with him:'(
During this time i wud cut my arm e.g. if i got into an argument over silly things at home i would cut myself..but i never told ne1.
I then went back and apologised to A as my ex blamed me for there break up. I went to B and asked what was wrong and asked 2 clear everything but was turned down saying not anymore. I then went and talked to C and she just completely ignored me. My ex no longer talks to me. They have nicknames for me..and he has told others personal things about me.

I am now about to leave college but have loadss of questions i need help with..shall i go to my ex and try and sort things out just to be frnds as i will see him bc of our families? i now have rishta’s coming..if things are a defo with sum1..do i tell my husband to be?.. Do i tell my family..who i have never hid anything from?..why do i still think of him..and now just every now and agen but like all the time??..what should i do!..:frowning:

please help..i knw its long..but i need help..and i knw u guys would ask a dozen questions if i kept it short so i wrote in alot of detail…
xxx

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Re: need help..i’ve kept it in inside me to long:'(

you had physical relationship with the guy, if you feel guilty about it that much that you wana commit suicide than i will advice it to ask for forgiveness to ALLAH SWT.

and if you think that you will not be honest to your potential husband, then tell him before getting marrying. there is no point to live a life as a LOSER!

you did a mistake, i feel sorry for it. and you should too, but DONT WASTE IT ON THE JERKS! ur ex was JERK!
and you loved a JERK! (cuz you would never spread anything about the one you love the most, and to be honest he never loved u). you were just a challenge for him. and he was succeeded in it.

but now, move on. there is no point in crying over the past, but cry over the factor that u were soo stupid, and soo blinded. why ALLAH SWT kept you soo blinded. be a strong women, there are JERKS every where.

ps. aik baar jao, or khainch ker us ko thappar maar ker aoo :hehe: it will make you feel better. and write 1000 times on a paper, that I LOVED A JERK!!!

3

how can a girl get rishtas after the gossip about her behaya adventures has spread?

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Re: need help..i've kept it in inside me to long:'(

by physical i didnt sleep with him...

and i have asked 4 forgiveness from allah swt

lool..by doing that im guna feel like an idiot:(

5

then???

well we all should, until we are not dead.

abhay, he ditched u.

but dont ya worry, cuz this charcter C seems quite a charchter. dekh lena if she really likes him then she will get him marry her :smiley:
phir is ki chutney banayee gee :hehe:

6

i was gud frnds with him and my parents knew about that...

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Re: need help..i've kept it in inside me to long:'(

There is no need for you to go talk with him.

If by being physical you made a mistake, then so did he. So you both are equally responsible for it, not just you.

As you say - if you have already asked for forgiveness, then you are on the right path.

You should henceforth, ignore him when possible, and be civil when required (at family events). You do not need to talk to him or try to patch things up.

As for any potential husband - you can tell him what happened if and when the rishta is pakka. As for telling your family - that is completely up to you.

8

Listen to the advice these people say. Forget him. Don't feel bad for yourself and over him/C. He is a jerk, she is a betrayer, they deserve each other, so take pleasure in the fact that one day he'll dump her for another girl and she'll feel miserable too. Battle your depression with disdain for him and C.

And if it makes you feel better throw a glass of water on him and tell him he's not worthy of you, then never talk to him again.

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[quote=“Fizzels, post:12, topic:201787”]

I am now about to leave college but have loadss of questions i need help with..shall i go to my ex and try and sort things out just to be frnds as i will see him bc of our families? i now have rishta’s coming..if things are a defo with sum1..do i tell my husband to be?.. Do i tell my family..who i have never hid anything from?..why do i still think of him..and now just every now and agen but like all the time??..what should i do!..:frowning:

**
Hi Fizzels,

**Many people are going to advise you to move on from your ex. This may not be what you want to hear, I know. But it’s in your best interest if you move on toward better people and better opportunities. I understand that “moving on” is easier said than done. But, it’s not impossible.

The “friends” that you’ve described (B, C, and ex) seem like a network of evil. A long time ago, your ex dumped A only because he wanted to go out with you. He probably treated A in the same way he has now treated you. In other words, he probably dumped A without providing her a reason. This is a **HUGE **sign of immaturity and selfishness. This guy only seems to think of his own needs.

So, think about this. He dumped A for you…(most likely without giving her a reason). And then he dumped you for C (without giving you a reason). He has displayed a pattern of selfish behavior. And then he had the NERVE to blame YOU for his break-up with A. See what I mean? He doesn’t even have the maturity to accept responsibility for his actions.

Is this the kind of guy you want to spend your life with? Do you want to know why you can’t get him out of your mind? It’s because you have spent so much time with him. But you need to understand that time does not mean love. You might argue that this guy was very sweet and caring towards you. But let me tell you that some guys (not all guys)…but SOME guys know how to play the game. They know all the right sweet things to say to a girl in order to get what they want (physical intimacy). It’s called taking advantage of a person. Don’t try to fool yourself by thinking of all the “sweet things” he said or did. If he really cared for you, he’d treat you with dignity and respect you.

Even if this guy had lost romantic interest in you…he could have at least told you face to face that he no longer wants a romantic relationship. And even after breaking up with you…he could have at least tried to behave politely with you as a friend. ** BUT **he didn’t even do that. Why? Because he doesn’t even understand the concept of basic respect. Is that the kind of guy you want to be with?

Now let’s talk about your other friends, B and C. B is treating you in a rude manner because maybe she’s upset that you were the reason your ex stopped hanging out with her. And C was NEVER your sincere friend because she has her own personal interest in your ex. NONE of these people (B, C, or ex) know what friendship or respect means. With “friends” like these, you don’t need enemies. These “friends” are soooooooo bad that they’re probably spreading negative things about you to other groups at school. They’re destroying your reputation. They are scum. And rest assured, Allah will teach them a lesson.

Now lets move on to why you’re cutting yourself. You are cutting yourself because you have so much emotional hurt inside of you and you feel that you don’t have an outlet to express your pain. Your friends are ignoring you…so you feel like you have no one to talk to. And one reason why people cut is because they don’t have an outlet to express their pain. But, I hope that you will feel better after expressing yourself on Gupshup. Allah has given you your body as a gift to take care of. By cutting yourself for no good reason, you’re committing a gunnah. Don’t do that. Why are you inflicting permanent scars on your body for a guy who only thought of you as **temporary??? **Don’t do that. Don’t harm your body for a guy who doesn’t respect women. Have resepct for yourself. Your life isn’t over. Things can and will get better.

This guy doesn’t respect women. Does he have a sister? How would he like it if his own sister was treated by some guy in the same manner? Trust me…he is not worth your time. If he wanted to keep you even as a friend…he would have continued to treat you with respect even after he broke up with you. But he didn’t do that. And it’s because he doesn’t even respect you as a friend. So, in my opinion it’s best if you **DON’T **resume friendship with this guy. Many girls make the mistake of maintaining friendship with their ex…and this is dangerous in the sense that the ex can…at some point in the future…take advantage of her again. So, don’t give him that chance to hurt you again. Don’t be his friend. He’s already proved what kind of a friend he is to you.

Should you tell your family? We don’t know your family, so it’s hard to determine the right answer. Do you have a trustworthy and mature sister? Perhaps you can confide in her if you feel the need to lighten your emotional burden.

Should you tell your future husband? NO. I have read the same question on Islamic websites and the experts suggest that you are not **obligated **to share your past with your future husband. Your past sins are between you and Allah. All that matters is that you sincerely repent and look forward to a fresh start in life. Telling your furture rishta is risky because you don’t want the person to spread gossip about you and plus it has the potential to create other problems especially if the future spouse is not understanding about your past situation.

You seem like a smart girl, sweetheart. You’ve tried ignoring your ex and “friends” because deep down you know their characters are horrible. You don’t need the approval of such people. Consider it Allah’s mercy that He has shown you the truth about this guy NOW. You should appreciate this blessing and look forward to graduation and a better future and a new beginning. Seek help/patience/peace through namaz and dua.

Also, please refer to this Islamic website link below because it explains whether or not one should explain to a future rishta about past romantic relationships:

http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?cid=1120469515327&pagename=IslamOnline-English-Cyber_Counselor/CyberCounselingE/CyberCounselingE

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Fizzels, leave the guy. He is not a good person. Forget about him. Soon u ll listen he has dumped C too. Note it down.

2ndly DO NOT EVER TELL YOUR WOULD BE HUBBY ABOUT THIS RELATION. I am telling you, you ll make the mistake of your life if u did that. We never know a person in whole. They r diff before marriage but will totally change once you are his wife. If you had slept with the guy then may be u could have told ur would be about it. but in this situation , i wont ever recommend. If you want to get rid of this jerk guy's memories, then do not tell anyone about it or else you ll make ur life an ultimate punishment for urself which wont be fair with u.

If you have not slept with him, then its the best thing you have done so far. If you are gulity (which i feel you are n this shows you belong to a good respectable family) then ask for forgivness from Allah. May be it was some good of your parents that protected your Izzat when you were so close to that devil.

Ask for forgivness until you feel He has forgiven you. Do not think about that idiot. he surely doesnt deserve any gal. let him go to hell, u move on with life n pray for a real man in ur life.

11

Re: need help..i've kept it in inside me to long:'(

^best advice.

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Re: need help..i've kept it in inside me to long:'(

I read half of the story. Guy is my hero he humped A then smoked marijuana with B and them humped xxx NICE !!!! dude.

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Even humor has its limits, PM. And this comment isn't funny. Try reading your post again. Do you still find it funny?

The girl who created this thread is depressed. Perhaps if you took the time to read all of her post instead of only half of it........you'll be able to sense how worried she is.

You actually think that a guy who takes advantage of girls is a hero? You know what PM? I've seen a couple of girls who have been deceived by a guy's fake sweet words and taken advantage of........they feel so hurt and broken at what they've lost. You sure you're not on marijuana right now?

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Re: need help..i've kept it in inside me to long:'(

Your ex is not someone you need to get answers from because he doesnt have them either.

If a guy is soo easy, it only takes one conversation with some random chick to turn him against you...then what good is he? What will you do? Run around after him everytime some girl speaks to him and make sure his head is clear at all times? Do you have any idea how completely nuts you would go?

Yes, he should have known better and used his own brain to think for himself but he will pay the price for that soon. This girl he is with right now...do you think she is any good for him? That he will be happy with her? She will make sure he does nothing but her bidding at all times. Like Zobia says...khoob chakki peesay gi uski.

There is no need to look for answers from him, he doesnt have them. No one does. You need to accept their betrayal, relationship, whatever you want to call it and move on. There is nothing left for you to dwell on. If you are getting rishtey...go look at them...explore them...see what they're all about. Force yourself to move on and you will. I wont lie to you and say it will be easy...it will be hard as hell and there will be days you will want to die. But on those days...I hope you will think about how worthless this guy is and any pain you put yourself through for him will be a waste of emotions. Sounds so cliche doesnt it? Its the truth.

You're graduating...find a job...start your career and focus your energies on doing something fulfilling...like volunteer work or charity. You'll feel a ton better and all of your negative energies will be directed at a more productive target.

Men and women of his kind always pay a price...we just dont always see it.

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Re: need help..i’ve kept it in inside me to long:'(

This is a pity.

st thing id like to say:
If i ws this girls brother id fa…gking go and kick this guy up his bullocks sand break him so he doesnt have any left to play with other girls.

Now both me and P.M rightly hate such guys.

But see peolpe…i told u earlier the ‘faker’ guys are the most sucesful with girls nowadayz.
And he was the ‘beggar’ too…see r.v beggin/chipkoo works..i told u in an earlier thread!
This guys has had 3 hot girlz..It just not fair…Pple likek me and monk here r trying the honest way and not even one gives the lift. Its so frustrating…i hope we dont get forced to revert to such unstraight ways too.

Girl i feel the utmost for you..becos u were pure intenioned and it was only this ******* guy who made u get physical…Such a immaturerefrain from using harsh language i wish u gave me his add.so refrain from using harsh language.

this is worse than bloody rape…

any-way girl i fele utmost, for u but i wont say more becos the advice above u already got is perfect.

One additon i would like to add though girl. Although it is true that you are not obligated to tell your future husband your past..Pls bear in mind for some guys it is an important issue…some are vvv..posseive naturedas u know…and if he asks u about ur past b4 the marriage and u say you had none…and says yes to the marriage on this basis…but then later he find out u lied to him..he may go bezerk…

and the same way u had the right to not tell him…he has the right to divorce u in a space of only 3 words.

So just be mindful of this. Infact I know of an exact same situation that happned with my relatives.

basically my desi relative girl (v bright girl), has some bf here during high school for like 2-3 years…and she became physical with him…(nt sx)
but later her family found out and she got broken up with the guy..as he was loser not-serious type…
later parents marry girl to freshi dude from pak…he migrates to u.k…after few months we heard they got divorced.
the guy ran back to pak…
obviusly they did not disclose the exact reason…but i am 95% sure it was related to her past.

So Girl it could be a wise thing to find what of kind of guy your future hubby/proposal is.

Once again friend., i wud not suggest you go and publically insult the guy becos it will create ur insult more than the guys.

But what u cud do is pay some people to bash him up. He deserves it
:snooty:

Woh hamsafar
16

Dude!!! tum ko her bat samjhani perti hy. U never say that.. always tell girls you are kool. Getting girls is not an issue.

U know Amir; I know in pakistan guys lie there a$$off to get with girls. Mostly those girls are virgins. So imagine that!!! when guys gets stuff done and leave
girl having shame and stuff even could not chase them. End up hiding and crying.

I came here with same ideas in my head. Always blaming dudes for such stuff.
But once my friends aunt told me “yeah larkion ko sab paata hota hy----tum in per itns ters mat khaea karo”
So I don’t know. But What I do know its always GIRL who get humilated at the end.

And Amir one advise for you Its always ONE girl who matter, I have seen biggest players/play-boys crying over Ecx-wives or Ex-gf all there life.

SO remember that ITs always one womnan who matter!!!

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Re: need help..i've kept it in inside me to long:'(

Redvelvet Rules!

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Re: need help..i've kept it in inside me to long:'(

I feel really sorry for you, but believe me cut all ties with him. If you talk to him again it will only remember you of all the pain you've been through he won't have answers for anything believe me, he will probably continue to avoid you. Look how much he made you feel miserable what kind of things you've started doing just for his sake and how you are now? Hasn't he destroyed a part of you? Hasn't he changed something inside of you? Don't go to him and talk again then you will show him how weak you felt or still feel, don't give him that triumph such men don't deserve anything. Re-gain your self-respect and just atone for whatever you have done(AllahSWT is the only one who has to know about all of this) we are weak and Allah SWT knows that, he is forgiving and ever merciful more than any human being could imagine or be.

I'm glad you got out of this relationship as he would have never been a suitable husband either, remember Allah SWT knows best sometimes we want a thing which is not good for us and He protects us from it by not giving it to us. Just remain steadyfest in your faith and make Duaa insha'Allah your true Shehzada will come along and treat you like a queen.

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Re: need help..i've kept it in inside me to long:'(

I think (C) did same as what Fizz had done in the past.

Boy came in the group. U saw him being a BF with (A) girl. Saw him doing things what you wanted to be done to you.(care/being cozy/public affection etc etc).

Now rather then piking a new boy who could do that to you, you picked who simulated that in you at first place.

Same thing (C) did.
Now unless you make that dude look like demon in your group he is going to take advantage of more girls sure!!!!!
Now don;t tell me he is manipulative too??? I am sorry your but post is wary longer then my attention span. So Are you still in his emotional sphere?? OR you know that you have been taken advantage of??

If you are clear then Like slap him infront of all chicks. cry your eye balls out to tell them what happpend and STOP him from making me and AMIR jealous.

you go girl

20

nice one p.m.

actually thst was something new i heard about the ONE GIRL thing. Ill note that.

homie i was just trying to high-light how the pious and restained men we are.
But Players enjoying themselves like this do create the negative influece.
Yeh brov the paki-stuff u were saying i knwo it and moe.
It too enrages me..i hate men who use girls.

I know of a married man who went to pak, got attacted to a local 'gori, chiti, blue-eyed' pakistani girl, who he cud just nt contain himself agsint begged a friend to introduce him..next day he was **** her in the hrse stable when everyone was asleep.
and she wasa virgin..and then he came back to u.k...*****.
i wonder how much he must have lied to the girl that he will marry her and * in order that to get her to give him her virginity.

However this b's man too takes the piss. Girl i think its mandotory that this guy gets taughta lesson for the sake of future girls he gonna use.

If u make yourself public or tell his parenbts then it will create your besti more than his assuming ur from izaatdar family.

May u cud tell third-party like say one of his teachers or older maturer relative of his. say his sis, on they way how he is using girls.

or maybe tell the local masjid imam where he attends

somehting must deifintly be done about thdi guy...becos i have also just recalled what P.M said the kind of pschological tricks he is using agasint you and other, has has been reading a lot on girl physcology and practicing it ruthlessly....
PM, you spot on. with that...

THAT GUY IS ******

Or maybe Girl if its getting ot much of a burden tell somebody u really know froma long time and can trust...i.e and older girl sis or cousin.

ok c ya