Hi Dear Members,I just wanna share my married life Experience n want u all to guide me if I was wrong or what exactly happened to me.
*I got engaged in 2012 to a girl who was living an apartment in posh area of karachi while I was living Abroad and my family was living in a normal area of karachi.
It was an arranged marriage,they accepted my proposal due to abroad factor since they were very desperate about abroad.Our families did not know each other at all before engagement.They were very clear on abroad thing from start that they wanna see their daughter abroad after marriage.There came times when I realized that they are very much desperate about abroad,so since I was unsure about my future plans as where I am gonna live,I informed my wife and her family during engagement phase that I dont know which country I am going to end up,so it better u sit and think about this relationship and if u wanna leave u can,ur daughter has all the right to live as per her wishes but they always used to jump back y saying whats done is done and my wife always used to say that abroad means nothing and I am more important for her than anything else.
Engagement phase started,the girl asked me herself to make her Valentine Day Special,I spent good amount of money n treated her like a Princess.Everything was going smoothly,
After a month,I had settled a good image of that girl in my mind,one day I asked her that I need to buy few items online for my sister n ask her to help me out,she happily agreed,I also said to her not to tell that to anyone,she replied by saying"Iss ka sawal he nahi paida hota,I will never tell anyone in my family n ur secrets r totally mine"I was very happy after listening her views,So we bought items online together for my family ,at that time we were talking on Skype,she said she has to call her mom,so we took a break,
I just said in my heart to GOD " If there is anything fishy about this girl,the skype remain open and thats happened she totally forgot to log out the skype and skype was going on "n she was on phone with her mother telling her all about shopping n was disrespecting my family a lot with her mother,I was shocked as she just promised seconds ago that she won’t tell that to anyone,I immediately called my mother to break the engagement but she started pleading,I have a very very soft heart ,so I forgave her.
Now during the whole engagement ,she kept demanding things n I never refused a single thing,I gifted her lots of expensive things,I only wanted to see her happy n I expected that since I m keeping her very happy ,so my in laws will also in turn give due respect to my Family but that never happened,they totally misjudged my intention n thought that I have nothing to do with my Family n I do everything on my own n we also heard them saying that “The boy is under our complete control n he doesnt care about his own family”
I realized that n I started retracting a little bit,then my in-laws arranged a party during engagement phase n her family disrespected my family a lot,my mother didn’t tell me anything but after a month I came to know about that too.
Also during engagement phase,my wife used to express her demands of having a luxurious life after marriage,separate place to live after marriage n that she wanna have a fairy tale married life,I realized that she is immature and has no idea how hard one has to work to even get through the routine life,she was very much un-realistic about life,I immediately asked her multiple times to leave me n find a partner that can fulfil all her luxurious demand but everytime she used to abruptly change her statement saying I can’t live without u n I will manage everything ,I don’t Need money n blah blah.
Since I loved her so everytime I used to get convinced n not leave her.Also during engagement phase she started saying few bad things to one of my family member on constant basis,I always used to tell her not to do that but her attitude kept worsening.
I dont know whether it was love or what but I always felt that she was crazy about me and dont even wanna share me n my resources with anyone in my family,I always felt that she has extreme emotions for me,she was two faced,when she was normal ,she used to take care of me like a baby,washing and cleaning my feet,taking care of all my needs,cooking dishes for me but when she used to get angry,she used to get totally out of control and abused me and my family members both during engagement phase and after marriage.
I used to talk to my family daily for 2-3 hours,during this time she always used to call me n asked me to talk to her but since I was already talking to my family back home,I used to refuse n ask her to wait because of which she used to get angry n fight with me.Keep in mind that I always used to talk to her first for 2 hours daily before I talk to my family back home.
Anyways after one year of this engagement ,I came to my home country to marry her,we got married,I was very happy,I started taking her out on dates to different places n spent lots of money on that,she was happy too,I told her that consider this a honeymoon phase as things won’t be like that once we start living together,once husband n wife start living together,life totally changes,she always used to agree with that by saying “I understand that too”
Few days after marriage ,her mother called me n rudely asked me that what I m doing to take her abroad,she insulted me a lot.I told her to keep calm n I m doing the necessary documentation but she kept teasing me to apply for her immigration as soon as possible.Since then me and my mother in law had the worst ever relationship n we both had so much haterism for each other.But I mostly tried to keep her haterism to my heart n did not express it.
I felt something fishy due to her desperate behavior for abroad,at that time I came to know that they applied for abroad in 2004 to the same country n was refused immigration.So,I decided to put on hold the immigration process since I didn’t know what they are really planning.
After that I went back abroad n during this period my wife n her family kept insisting for Immigration,but I firmly refused that its not possible for me since I lost trust in them,anyways I also kept sending gifts to my wife on her demands n again wanted to see her happy.
I had plan to come back from abroad n settle in my home country for 3-4 years,I already told this plan to my wife during engagement phase n ask her if she is not happy with that she can leave me,I won’t force her to be in relationship as she has all rights to live life as she wants but again she said She can’t live without me.
Anyways,I returned back to my homeland n we started living together,my mother initially rented an apartment just next to my sister but after knowing that my mother in law called my mother to immediately vacate that apartment n that my daughter won’t live there,so my mother left the apartment n rented another.
I already had my Bhabhi who was living with my parents and never ever she said anything bad to anyone although she had lots in her heart but never expressed it,my brother had a big tilt towards his wife as well as her family too.May be that was reason she was satisfied but again she never created any issue with anyone and was living peacefully with my parents for 4 years.
I sometime took her for granted and Sometime I used to love her like a baby,so it was a mixed bag of Relationship,like she bought clothes for me which I did not want,so I gave it to my Brother-in-Law,and I bought a car in Pakistan and first showed that car to my sister and brother-in-law,i know they were silly mistakes but I realized that and did the corrections.With that I also used to Pamper her a lot,never let her kill her wish on anything after marriage,feeding her with my own hand,and acknowledging her for the cooking and other stuff.
She was very organized as far as cleaning and maintaining the house and taking care of my needs and never gave me any opportunity to complain,I always used to appreciate that in front of her but again her behavior was very inconsistent.
We started living together in separate apartment ,initially things were going good,but then my wife started fighting with me as to y I m meeting my family members or y I talk to them,I used to discuss my wife with my family members n sometime used to discuss her weakness as well as strengths but I always tried to do that in private n my wife used to spy on me n listen to the talks n then used to say y u r discussing me with ur family members,n I used to reply by saying that u also talk to ur mother n discuss me n my family all the time ,when I m not saying anything n not spying on u,y u r doing that.
Just after these arguments,we used to fight,my wife used to get physical n hit me,I kept patience n telling her not to do that Cuzz if I will raise my hand ,it won’t stop but she kept this thing going,she also used shout n leave the home in midst of night n I used to bring her back due to my respect.
She kept doing hitting me n one day I returned all the favor, n then this mutual hitting continued for few days until my sister intervened n asked me not to touch her no matter what happens.Since then I totally controlled my anger n never touched her.
She developed so much haterism in her heart for my family member that I just can’t tell,she always used to say bad things to my family.I always used to react and in reaction I also used to abuse her family too.But I never used to start any fights.Whatever bad I did in this relationship was REACTION to her talks rather than ACTIONS.
She also used to disrespect me in front of everyone,n used to tease me on my weaknesses in front of her family as well as mine.She made a big joke of myself,sharing my weaknesses n negative points not only with her family but also used to instigate my family too against me,she never kept anything to herself,and in reaction I also used to do the same initially,I also used to tell her weaknesses and all bad she was doing but then I realized that I am doing wrong ,so I abandoned that habit.
After few months she and my mother developed differences due to her continuous disrespect to my family,then both my mom n my wife kept exchanging words,they both were fighting on equal basis,n 2-3 times my wife stormed to my mother room n shouted her in anger n said bad things,my mother sometime used to keep calm n sometime used to get back on her but this whole process continued.
My wife also got pregnant,that’s another cheat story,she was not having periods when she left my home for 20 days n then she came back ,I asked her if she had any periods during past 20 days,she said “No”,n asked me to take her for pregnancy test which I did n came negative,she asked me to take her to a doctor as what’s going on,I agreed ,she told the same thing to doctor that She didn’t have any periods in last 30 days ,doctor wrote some test n ask her come back again.
After few days she told me she is pregnant,n said I lied to u that I did not have periods in last 30 days ,I had period just one week before coming back n I also lied to doctor.when I asked her y did u do that,she said I did not wanna hurt u that I m not pregnant.
After that she went to her home,one of her bridal shirt was missing,so i called her n ask about that she started abusing my mother ,I immediately cut the phone n I went to a lawyer to send her warning notice that now if this train of disrespect continues ,I will divorce her.
Just after receiving this notice,she n her mother started calling me n my mother n extended threats of police n kept abusing,I didn’t say a thing n kept patience.
After hearing the news of her pregnancy,I convinced my parents that I wanna bring her back for the very last time n I think she will change now after being a mother,so I brought her back,took her to hospital n take very good care n even gifted her a dress as a gift from our unborn child on Mother’s Day ,When I was bringing her back,I only asked her not to confront my family members anymore n live peacefully,she totally agreed n said I have learnt all my lessons.
She had a habit of going downstairs n stay there for longer period of time n talk to her mother,I always used to say that talk to ur mother in the house n no body cares for ur talk with ur mother,but she always tried to do the talking in downstairs washroom .
Anyways,she went downstairs one morning n continued her practice of talking,I called her n her phone was busy,I got angry n when she came upstairs" I said I won’t let ur mother filthy shadow on my child n this child can’t go to ur home",She started abusing my mother,I ignored n immediately went out of room ,she followed me to my mothers room n started shouting at her,my mother tried to calm her down but she didn’t listen,after few hours I ask her to leave home,she started pleading again for forgiveness n gave reference of our child but I knew that she is not gonna settle down.
So she left the home,after few days she said ,she wanna come back,I said u need to bring ur mother with u to give me assurity that it won’t happen again ,she agreed,she came n she had a word fight again with my mother n stood up as if she is going to hit my mother,I again asked her to leave.she n her mother kept creating drama but I kept calm.
After few days ,she called me n started pleading again for herself n our child,I said if my mother let u come,I have no issue n also it’s ur home ,if u wanna come back,u can come but u need to get dropped,I can’t come at ur home to pick u up ,so she kept asking to come back n after few hours,when she felt that its not possible,she texted me a threat n abused my mother n sister.
After few days I came to know that she herself took the decision n aborted the child without telling me anything,I told her clearly that I don’t want abortion n I won’t let that happen.
After I came to know that she has aborted my child,I decided to divorce her and told her the same but then I thought I should let her explain as y she did that abortion and give this relationship more time,things might get corrected after few months,so I abandoned the idea of divorcing her,but she lodged a complaint against me in police station giving my past three years texts some of which were done in anger,she maintained the whole record of my bad text and even recorded my calls of past three years,n tried to harass me,so I immediately divorced her as she aborted my child on her own and made it impossible for me to accept her or prolong this relationship.
I just want u guys to tell me few things ;
-Did she really love me?
-Was she sincere and loyal to me?
-Who was at fault? and lastly If you would have been in my place,what different u guys would have done??
-Is it the right decision I took?
This is a very long post n I appologize for that,but I really need analysis of veterans what went wrong n did I do the right thing,my heart every now n then starts sinking,if I have done the right thing then y it’s happening.*