need advice

Lifestyle Relationships
1

hello

i need some advice from you all who are married .its has been almost 2yrs of my marriage but still i cant convinced husband to go dawat or any shaadi he always refuse and then everyone said why i dont come is my husband is caring strick or what.. we live separate from inlaws as they are in other city .i dont have other problem with him ,he is very caring,supportive ,help me out in household chores .i also take care of him ,compromises in many things but i just want him to get social also becoz i left so many events becoz he didnt want to go ..sometimes i get tensed what will happen in future if it still the same .so i need advice from you all ..

thanks

2

Re: need advice

Does he miss events from just your side of the family or his own too?

3

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i get a sense of deja vu

4

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He has some kind of complex or he does not like crowd. Did you ever ask why he does not want to go to those parties? Does he have friends? Does he go to their houses?

5

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Does he prefer to have guests come to his home instead of going to their home? In that case, you can hold dawats at your home too from time to time.

Maybe he'll become more comfortable interacting with people in his own home and slowly develop the confidence to meet people outside his home.

6

Re: need advice

There's barely any info

Does he miss ALL parties? Or just your side? Does he have friends? Does he go out with anyone else?

Some people just aren't social. That's how they are. My husband isn't super social either...we usually stick to events that are smaller and more casual so both of us get what we want. I get to hang out and he is relaxed. We host a lot so that also gives us a lot of control as to the crowd we're mingling with.

7

Re: need advice

I was wondering why this thread was familiar, as you posted the same thing almost 10 months ago.

What does he say?

Why does he not want to go anywhere?

Surely ha has divulged that much.

http://www.paklinks.com/gs/relationships/639656-how-to-convence-husband.html

8

Re: need advice

I have two friends who have husbands who are the same way, one has been married for 15 years the other 8. Both haven't changed. The ladies both go on their own and enjoy themselves. The husbands go sometimes but not very often. My own dad was like that too. If he attended a wedding people made him a witness ( gawah) because it was so unusual. You may just have to live with it.

9

Re: need advice

I don't know...its not really a big deal at all to be honest.

I know some girls who are married to guys even less social than my husband. They go to parties, dawats, gatherings, etc...they've just accepted their men for who they are. Over time, even that changes...as long as you're not pushing it down their throats.

10

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It can be a good thing in a way. Less people you interact with, less drama to deal with. I think maybe her friends and/or their husbands probe and complain about his absence and maybe that's why she's concerned. Just a guess.

11

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he go to my home very rare and always says tarffic bhut hain ,ghar door hain etc..he attend his side dawat like engament etc of his brother but not his relatives side. i ask many times he just said i dont like to go out i like to spend time athome. yes he likes alot when my relatives came to our he mostly says no when its my side of dawat or wedding but i never said no to his side of any event ..my inlaws are in other city so we go mostly on eid only .

12

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He cannot skip his brothers' engagement, can he? The guy wants peace... give him peace!

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I understand it feels bad when people ask why your husband doesn't come. It felt bad when my dad didn't come either but then I stopped caring about what people said. It is what it is. Thing is on the rare occasions when my dad did come he acted very bored and made us all tense so we did not take him unless he absolutely had too. I suggest you ask him from time to time but don't force him.

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I don't think she begrudges him for attending his brother's engagement. The issue is that she supports her husband by attending the events in his family....but he does not attend events from her side of the family.

Is main peace ki koi baat hi nahi. This is not the first time I've heard of this. There are some Desi husbands who think their family is more important than the wife's, or that the wife is obligated to attend the events in his family but he can become careless when it's her turn. This actually does happen.

Now whether or not Cancerian's husband believes that it's not important to attender her familial events.....or whether it's simply because he's just not that social and is that averse to traffic....it's causing a problem in the marriage if this is the second or third time she's complaining about it.

Cancerian, do not expect him to attend EVERY single invitation in your family. However, he should make an effort to attend bigger occasions like immediate family weddings or funerals or Eid etc etc. It's not right if she feels awkward/embarrassed each time a family member asks where her husband is. Acha nahi lagta. And husband and wife are a libaas for one another, they shield each other from embarrassment...that's one of the functions of a libaas. They both need to pick and choose which events are more important...some warrant attendance more than others. If she has been supportive of his family...the a little compromising from his end once in a while won't kill him.

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Re: need advice

I can totally relate. I am just like that. It takes a lot of energy to socialize. It is exhausting to go to dawatain and shadiyan. Desi gatherings are even worse. I hate every bit of it. I can't stand it. Don't push him to go or he would start pushing you away too.

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Re: need advice

He will feel more at ease with his side of the family because he knows them. He grew up with his brother so its obvious he'll be in his element in that crowd.

I don't think this is an issue...pick your battles and pick them wisely. If you don't, he will not want to actually go when you really need him to go.

Let it go.