A very close friend of mine is having a problem these days. He discussed this with me and I advised him according to what my mind suggested. But then I thought I should ask you people may be there is a better way to handle this problem in your mind.
here is what he states:
I would like to mention that this friend of mine is really in love with this girl. He is just mad about her and soon he will be able to convince his parents about her.
Why cant he just let go of the past.. i mean if he really likes that girl.. is it really important wut she used to do and wut was goin on in her life ?!?! hmm.. i dont think so.. i just think he should start fresh and lets see how that girl behaves with him.. if they both like each other.. i dont think past matters that much.. or does it ?!
but there was another thing which I mentioned that "the guy who told him may be wrong". so for satisfaction of his mind should he ask her about it or not. and if that girl did not do anything wrong then what she will be thinking about.....
well its just about that he is being tense in this situation. he wants to clear his mind about this thing.
If he is one of those guys who hold grudges or keep things in themselves for a long time, then for his peace of mind he should ask her and get it over with. If he is starting a relationship with her then I don't think it should be a huge problem if they clear things in their past. Although 10th grade - c'mon! She was 14-15 years old. More than likely just a minor fling. Personally speaking, he needs to get over it.
I think he should talk to her...but without accusing her of anything. He should tell her the situation and tell her that he would feel more comfortable talking to her about it because he doesn't want a third person to ruin their relationship..the key to a successful relationship is communication..if they don't have that then they need to learn to have that..communication factors can sometimes break relationships. SO I would suggest telling him to be calm about it and talk to her like a friend instead of an obsessive lover.
Rukhsarbibi, Pyaari83: thanks so much for your replies.
the problem is that. He feels like:
1- If he talks to her on this matter and If that thing is not true then what she will be thinking of keh he did not have trust in her as once she told him that meri zindgi main ab se pehlay koi bhi nahin tha.
2- If he dont talk to her ( which will definitly keep on hurting him whenever this thing will come to his mind ), then he dont feel good as he is kinda guy who don forget things easily.
also if you ppl suggest keh he should talk to her then what is the best way to ask her about it. definitly he cant ask her straight farward about it.
i think he should try to forget it , Cuz that was her past and i m sure your friend will have some thing like this or smilier to it in his past too , whats important in the realationship is present and then future.
what ever happend is in past he was not in that picture then why the hell stressing out on it.
Well if this thing is bothering him he might one day have an explosion after a fight or something and something about this might slip out...which would be worse. He should get all clarifications out of the way...best way. If you can't share ur feelings with ur loved ones then what the heck r they their for? Obviously not to sit and eat gulab jaman with u. Anywayz tell him to say this to his honay wali: I know that you told me no one was in your life before this and I am not accusing you I just feel uncomfortable that other people are talking crap about you. I just want to clarify the matter and get it out of the way to keep my conscious clear. I heard blah blah...and I just want u to know that because he is spreading crap about you and I don't feel comfortable with that. And if the girl is honest she will be like his crap is true or that jerk what the heck is his problem. You know what i mean? He should openly and softly tell her all these things with no tension or gussah. Larkhi should be open about it...if she gets mad then either she must be hiding something because she is insecure or she is keeping her life personal from him not sharing all her feelings with him. Make sense?
