ok shhh…it never happened 
Alarms should be going off in her head. She needs to halt all wedding preparations and be mentally prepared to call it off.
The boy needs to sit down and explain everything to her. Sounds like he's marrying her for financial reasons.
And that's quite unfair to her as a woman. Especially if she worked her behind off to become a doctor.
At least if anything, she deserves an honest layout of what the situation really is with this guy.
I always say - when it comes to Rishtaas - talk to the guy's boss, surprise him at work to see what he's really up to, do a thorough check of his bedroom, and grill all his "friends" and co-workers.
If need be, follow him around for a week to see what he's up to.
chee cant be your brother.
That pic reminds me of Shrek everytime I look at it
yes it was arranged, the guy contacted the family and the family did all the investigation they could, and everyone said nice thinga about him and his family.
The parents are disscussing over the issue, but its really sensitive, dession making is most difficult thing right now…
parents think she should talk to him first before they step into, because he asked her not to tell parents…
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by SAJAL: *
If these were his plans...why would he
tell her before the wedding, when he would have
all the opportunity afterwards.
Believe me people like that would never let u know what
their plans were beforehand. I really don't know why he would
be telling her this sorta stuff. But if these were his real intentions
he would make sure he deosn't let her get suspicious before the wedding.
Sorry that's what i think.
[/QUOTE]
Ya thats what the most confusing part.
Before taking any drastic steps like calling off the wedding, sit him down and have a face-to-face conversation about his intentions, expectations, etc. It's very easy to assume stuff right now but all your friend did was listen to him and go into shock. Now she needs to ask some questions of her own.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Lusi: *
yes it was arranged, the guy contacted the family and the family did all the investigation they could, and everyone said nice thinga about him and his family.
The parents are disscussing over the issue, but its really sensitive, dession making is most difficult thing right now...
parents think she should talk to him first before they step into, because he asked her not to tell parents...
[/QUOTE]
hmmm...
i c...
i think they should do more "research" into his life and see. without telling him. they shud look into: his family. his habits and daily routine and lifestyle. his friends and who he socialises with. his records with law enforcement agencies. if her parents have arranged this, they r committing their daughter's whole life here so they really should research it more. i know some desi parents have the mentality Allah Maalik hae, but still they should research it a bit more if its going to put things at ease
waise yes she shuld talk to him and try to clear all the matters she is doubtful about. maybe he has a good enough reason for all of them. the main thing is: is his intention towards her sincere
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by MehnazQ: *
Before taking any drastic steps like calling off the wedding, sit him down and have a face-to-face conversation about his intentions, expectations, etc. It's very easy to assume stuff right now but all your friend did was listen to him and go into shock. Now she needs to ask some questions of her own.
[/QUOTE]
agreed to that
i jus have one concern: some girls by nature are very gullible and can be easily convinced and even fooled. specially when she's talking to her fiance she'll prolly already be in "i trust him completely" mode.
i hope the guy won't pull one on her and sweet talk her into agreeing with whatever he says. ive seen girls commit foolish blunders like this and end up in a mess b/c of being highly gullible/too trusting and too emotional.
she needs to be logical and careful and rational at all times.
we can't be completely oblivious of this fact either that there R some people in the world who R indeed out to cheat or take advantage of others.
i think she also shud ask him why he doesnt want her to tell her parents abt this. if the reason is good enough for her then it should be good enough for her parents too right?
i mean, right now they r NOT married. they r NOT husband and wife. there is no need for her to trust him completely right now b/c they have not been tied in the bond of eternal commitment YET. this is still "testing phase"
its an arranged marriage. the whole matter has been arranged thru the parents so to me it doesnt make sense that he is asking her not to tell her parents this stuff. y?
khair, she shud talk to him with a rational mind and see what he says. if his reasons sound good then that would be the best thing. and if she is in doubt still, she shud either bury them or solve them, but not get married with doubts still lingering in her mind.
the shaadi cards is not an issue to be worried abt now. better to face some disgrace with the community than spoil ur life and take such chances.
closing thoughts on this issue :D
You can try to be careful but jo hona hota hae jo Qismat mein likha hota hae woh bhee ho k hee reHta hae. so in a way even doing all this research waghera isnt gona help much. and as for him, only he and Allah know his intentions. she can jus hope for the best. at the end of the day, its more about her own Qismat than anything else.
anyways, i dont know what to say......just...may Allah swt bless her marriage and best of luck to her :)
one last thought:
maybe he is kidding to test her?????
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by irem: *
agreed to that
i jus have one concern: some girls by nature are very gullible and can be easily convinced and even fooled. specially when she's talking to her fiance she'll prolly already be in "i trust him completely" mode.
i think she also shud ask him why he doesnt want her to tell her parents abt this. if the reason is good enough for her then it should be good enough for her parents too right?
i mean, right now they r NOT married. they r NOT husband and wife. there is no need for her to trust him completely right now b/c they have not been tied in the bond of eternal commitment YET. this is still "testing phase"
its an arranged marriage. the whole matter has been arranged thru the parents so to me it doesnt make sense that he is asking her not to tell her parents this stuff. y?
khair, she shud talk to him with a rational mind and see what he says. if his reasons sound good then that would be the best thing. and if she is in doubt still, she shud either bury them or solve them, but not get married with doubts still lingering in her mind.
[/QUOTE]
I think you are right, i'll suggest her the same...
thanks for the advice
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by irem: *
one last thought:
maybe he is kidding to test her?????
[/QUOTE]
I hope ....
[QUOTE]
anyways, i dont know what to say......just...may Allah swt bless her marriage and best of luck to her
[/QUOTE]
that was really sweet. thank you! :)
Re: Need Advice!!
Lusi
hmmm
i m thinking…
her parents already looked into it right and HAVE done the background check etc…
so theyve prolly covered all the necessary things anyway?
lets look at the things he said:
- what would you do if he gets laid off…
ok…fine..not a big deal if he does right? anyone can
or tells you he wants to start a bussiness,
nothing wrong with that
then in another conversation he tells you he has a bad credit,
this is not a moral crime. in my own book this not a big deal and we all do make such mistakes. many desis have bad credit. doesnt make them bad ppl. i personally knew some good people who had bad credit. coz the system in pak is very different and we suck at following rules as well. so sometimes we end up missing payment deadlines and stuff resulting in bad credit.
then he says he wants to take time off after wedding probably staying at home,
maybe jus to have a holiday with his wife for a couple days? nothing bad in that either rite?
then he tells you i was never in need of medical insurance, but after the marriage we will go on yours,
ok, thats nothing bad either
he wants to file his case for green card before jan 1 2005,
thats fine too.
his mother barely visited him in 7 years he has been in states, but now he wants to bring her permenently over here as soon as possible.
thats fine. in fact thats a positive quality. he cant be that bad right if he’s a caring son?
he is on H1 visa, you are a greencard holder, a doctor by profession and will be starting your residency in 6 months.
professions and visa statuses i think r not relevant. i mean, this stuff was known before anyway.
so, i think she shud have an open mind
khayr, its difficult to say…
hmmm…jus, good luck to her :k:
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Lusi: *
that was really sweet. thank you! :)
[/QUOTE]
welcome :)
IREM you are unbelievable…why do you keep going in circles after giving a good advice.
Ok..so baal ki khal utaring so mein bhi utaring…aa jao phir
- what would you do if he gets laid off…
Yea that’s fine…people get laid off…that’s life
or tells you he wants to start a bussiness,
How can he start a business with a bad credit. Alert#1
then in another conversation he tells you he has a bad credit,
What has he been doing that he has a bad credit. Alert#2. What happened to his money management skills. How is that comforting for the girl?
then he says he wants to take time off after wedding probably staying at home,
Is that the exciting plan? No one goes off to vacation after marriage…infact he should be working double the hours to cater new responsibilities. What kinda mard ka bacha is this?
then he tells you i was never in need of medical insurance, but after the marriage we will go on yours,
Well, he should remain off the medical insurance…these kinda ppl don’t die easily.
he wants to file his case for green card before jan 1 2005,
Before Jan 1. What’s the hurry here? Alert#3
his mother barely visited him in 7 years he has been in states, but now he wants to bring her permenently over here as soon as possible.
Don’t majority of the girls hate mother in laws by default?
he is on H1 visa, you are a greencard holder, a doctor by profession and will be starting your residency in 6 months.
There you go..he has all the reasons to marry you..even if he doesn’t like you.
its 3am and tonite is the last nite i promised myself i have to start studying from tomorrow and i am contemplating whether to have chicken biryani thats in the fridge and im posting away on GS like crazy 
oh well
OK Fayz aa jayen ji maidaan mein aaSttenein chaRhaaying 
lets tackle this issue
How can he start a business with a bad credit.
its gona be difficult but not impossible. but maybe his new married life will provide him all the more motivation.
then in another conversation he tells you he has a bad credit,
OK not sure HOW bad his credit is. besides this is not THAT bad. come on. its not a moral crime is it.
then he says he wants to take time off after wedding probably staying at home,
-----> infact he should be working double the hours to cater new responsibilities.
oh God please give the poor guy a break banday gi aik dafa zindagi mein shadi hoti hae us k foran baad toh bicharay ko thora enjoy kerne dayn taking a break off after shaadi is normal i think!!
then he tells you i was never in need of medical insurance, but after the marriage we will go on yours,
----> Well, he should remain off the medical insurance…these kinda ppl don’t die easily.
he wants to file his case for green card before jan 1 2005,
---- Before Jan 1. What’s the hurry here? Alert#3
well the sooner the better. no need to get suspicion or go on alert abt this one.
his mother barely visited him in 7 years he has been in states, but now he wants to bring her permenently over here as soon as possible.
Don’t majority of the girls hate mother in laws by default?
i dont think so, girls joke abt it all the time but its prolly only a small minority who actually thinks like that
he is on H1 visa, you are a greencard holder, a doctor by profession and will be starting your residency in 6 months.
There you go..he has all the reasons to marry you..even if he doesn’t like you.
off to the fridge to get biryani kisi aur ko chahiye?
Lusi and Fayz, im gona sleep, neend aa rai hae, KH :)
As far as his applying for the green card on her behalf is
concerned, isn't that something understood that since she is legal, he
isn't, she would sponsor him????????
Or is that something her and her parents didn't know before?
if the wife can sit home n expect her husband to support her..why cant the husband do that 
n the shadiness of the guy isnt as bad as the fact that the girl cant even trust the guy completely