I came across a person from a matrimonial site,living in US… he is 2yrs younger then i am n surprisingly he approached me himself, n stated that he is quite interested in my profile n he need a simple n sincere girl for marriage purpose, then we started taking on fone n net not on daily basis, n just a formal chat.. he told me abt his family, his past, his family is settled in my city, our family backgrounds are also same…
he is never indecent with me, respects me also…now its been 1 month we kno each other…he said he’ll be cumin back in Jan2011 to visit pak,
the past he told me abt himself is that he was religious minded when he was studying n living in pak with his family, then his parents took him to US n he started his studies from 9th grade n above from there, there he saw everything open , girls n boys having every kind of relationships in school, he tried to stay away from all that stuff but as he was a kid n not so mature he started having gfs n flirting with every girl… he told me himself abt all that…
after 4-5 yrs he felt in love with a girl she was also in pak, long in short, she betrayed his trust… she hurt him she was not sincere with him as he was with her…she gave him dhoka n all n they had a breakup, now he has realised that this happened to him bcz he was not on the right path, n Allah has punnished him in this was, he said from last 2 yrs he has left all his bad deeds, now he is turning back to 5 times prayers n now he just want to get married seriously with in a yr. with a nice n sincere girl…he also says that i m a perfect match for him
myself like the most of his qualities is his honesty, no matter what was his past gud or bad, he told me everything clearly…
you guys plz advice me what shud i do…? how shud i consider him, …?
Hey, its very difficult to judge someone from the internet, especially if you havent met them in person
The best way forward if both of you are SERIOUS for this to proceed to marriage InshaAllah is to ask him to speak to his parents and for them to call your parents
I dont knock people meeting on the internet as i met my other half on a matrimonial site & InshaAllah we are getting married in less than a month, but i kept it such that i wanted family involvement right from the first meet, so my mum knew i was going to meet him and after the first few meetings we got our families involved
I think you should consider him seriously because he is open about his good and bad. IMHO, a decent relationship is not based on any one person being pure, a virgin, an angel or any of that psycho babble. Its based on honesty and trust.
Yeah, so he had a past in the form of relationships. How many things do we do wrong every single day that we dont even talk about? How many white lies do we tell? How many of us are perfect Muslims? None.
At one point or another sweet, you will ask someone in your life to take a leap of faith on you too. You will ask him to trust you.
I say...do your due dilligence and find out all you can about him. Get to know him and his family very well. But dont discount him because he was honest with you.
Do a background check on him and his family from his/their neighbors and the people he went to school with . His co-workers can help you too. Ask around to find as much as you can find about him.
Anybody can tell you all positives and some negatives about them to gain your trust and then in the end you find out that they were putting a show. This world is full of good , bad and ugly , do due diligence to identify bad and ugly.
May Allah help you in your search for a soul mate , Ameen.
tell ur parents and leave the contact to them... if they think he is a good option considering him and his family then u shoukld proceed ur contact with him...
I personally think 1 month is too short to really know someone properly.....you need to give it more time....but yes do involve the families....and if he tells his family about you and his family call your parents...that would to some extent show that he is serious about you...get the families involved too when you feel that you have really got to know him and like him....make sure he tells his family first though... good luck and may Allah get you together if you are good for each other :)
aik lerka, aik lerki ko hasil kernay k liye her kism ki zabaan bol lay ga
secondly he did this n that is no longer the concern ye theek hai per ye bhi yaad rahay aik lerka kabhi nahi kahay ga kay mein galt tha, is liye wo lerki mujhay chor ker chali gai
thirdly, internet, chat, msn, phone thingys ARE JUST NOT ENUFF for a marriage to be conceived!!!
as someone said do a background check and then see
Aur ye to bht common hai lerkoun ka aisa behavior show kerna, so dont be misguided about it!!!
i dont knw y but i always hav a soft spot for guyz, whtever happend guyz ver the 1s blamed for everything only they ver considerd as too much too fast in relatiionships.
So back to the topic, bfore decidin anyting ,u hav to see him personally spend som time together n better invovle ur parents too bcoz at ths stage n age u r kaki , go on a date if possible , spend tim n knw each other ther r so many things u aint knw abt him , bfore lean over for kissing do ur backround check n verify the info As stayin far away frm each othr n trustin som1 over the internet is nt enough or kinda craziness .dont believe in his romantic n juicy comments lik u r adorable bla bla bla think twice bfore tieing down the knot of ur relations
hi all, thanks for ur precious advices, yes ofcourse i will ask him to send his proper rishta n involve his parents around, then my parents will gonna decide whther he is capable or not, also u ppl are right i shud know him more, as 1 month is really not enuff to judge sumone. n i never appreciate any physial relationship with anyone before i get married to....its illegal ...its a sin... i do fear Allah....
And i can also understand this as human is created with error, its nature of human to commit mistakes n nobody is perfect but all i like abt him is that he accepts he was wrong, and have told me honestly abt every gud n bad deeds he did...em not flawless aswell
i wish Allah help me in taking the right decision.... will keep updating u ppl n will be taking advice abt him if my realtion continues with him smoothly :)
hi all, thanks for ur precious advices, yes ofcourse i will ask him to send his proper rishta n involve his parents around, then my parents will gonna decide whther he is capable or not, also u ppl are right i shud know him more, as 1 month is really not enuff to judge sumone. n i never appreciate any physial relationship with anyone before i get married to....its illegal ...its a sin... i do fear Allah....
And i can also understand this as human is created with error, its nature of human to commit mistakes n nobody is perfect but all i like abt him is that he accepts he was wrong, and have told me honestly abt every gud n bad deeds he did...em not flawless aswell
i wish Allah help me in taking the right decision.... will keep updating u ppl n will be taking advice abt him if my realtion continues with him smoothly :)
please do keep posted on any updates... involving the parents/ families on both the sides will tell you how serious he is in the matter...
I don't know why people think that one month is too little to consider marriage.
Almost all the arranged marriages I know of are mashAllah successful and both parties are content. Now a lot of them didn't know squat about each other before the proposal and baat pukki steps. The partners never even met yet they're pretty much satisfied in the marriage. If its an arranged marriage, where families are involved, I suppose a month or a week doesn't really matter as long as its just considering the person as a candidate.
'Sweet' hasn't committed to the guy. She's considering him because he's been open and honest to her. So fair enough, more power to her. To the OP, you should involve the families and let them take over. InshaAllah if this is planned for you, it will happen successfully.
yup... consider internet just as a medium of introduction and try to involve the families and get everything official (if it works out hopefully) before continuing any further with the relationship over the internet...
You should also think about is he really real and serious. My friend bump into one guy in matrimonial site and she fell in love with him, they chatted in msn like very night 2-4 hours and he like said all the time that he is coming to see her after 2 months and talked about marriage etc.. but never came and just disappear after 2 months and my friend was so sad long time, and thats why I don`t trust 100% matrimonial sites.
Is this page where did u meet him, free or does it cost something? Because in free sites there is a lot people who does just play with feelings..but sites where u have to pay something is more serious people finding spouse. And Did he tell u his full name? and have u seen pics, more than 1? There is unfortunately also those who pretend to be someone else, or younger/older than they really are. Webcam is good way to make sure that he is really that person whose pic is on profile. Have u talked him on phone? I dont want to scare you, but just be careful :)
I really think that 1 month internet chatting isn't enough to even think about marriage. But thats my opinion and people are different :) You will see if he is really serious if he is ready to talk to his parents about u and suggest that his parents makes rishta proposal to ur parents.
I wish u good luck, and keep updated that we will know :)
hey guys thanks 4 ur input, well to update you all, its another month over successfully with smooth relation with him, mostly on calls, n rarely on web cam n internet, but we dont talk daily, i make sure to keep a distance still....
3-4 days back he was asking my suggestion abt bringing his mother to my home to meet my mom, he was asking is it appropriate to come along with his mother right away in 1st meeting or shud he come alone to meet my mom 1st alone??, i suggested him to meet my mom 1st alone, give ur intro,tell her abt ur intentions, n then if she agrees u can come along with ur mother, it might be a decent way, what u guys think???
another thing what my mother says abt him is that she dont want me to go all the way to America after marriage, she basically dont like States, she want me t get married in pak or in near by gulf countries.... as she assumes that ppl from states dont usually visit yearly, let c what happens next...
First of all, I would like to ask him if his mom would be ok with the age difference b/w you two... this will help you to let him know that this issue might be raised
Secondly, in order to make the things quick (since he is coming all the way from US), you can ask him to come along with his mother in the first visit, as this will make the things to progress fast without wasting anyone's time and allowing you to know if he is serious enough or not...
Thirdly, discuss with your mom that the shadi decisions are purely qismat based decisions... Even I have been apprehensive about moving to US, Canada, UK from Dubai as I have been afraid that I would be far from my family... but then most of the proposals (decent ones I must say) have been from these far countries, as guys from these countries usually would like to marry Paki girls living in Pak or Middle East etc... Its better to be with someone decent and gud natured human being even it its far from your family THAN being with a loser and living nearby your family :P
"shadi decisions are purely qismat based decisions..." ashy2010
i could'nt agree more with this, if your going to move away its going to happen, but as a mother no one, want to send there daughter or son far away, esp as it so far, people worry what might happen, and yes after marriage, kids etc it gets hard to visit home every year, but still can be done! i had an arranged marriage that was decided in a week! im from uk and hubbys from pak, we didnt know each other at all, and it can be hard as you worry what are they really like, but familys met, put faith in allah and took that chance! good luck.x
What i can see is that he has created a place in your heart by telling that 'honest' story from the past. I very much believe that this story is made up so you can say oh he is so honest and sincere to me. Do not make this big decision of life based on what he told you, do not fall for him in just one month because of his sweet talk. Involve ur families and discuss with ur parents.
What i can see is that he has created a place in your heart by telling that 'honest' story from the past. I very much believe that this story is made up so you can say oh he is so honest and sincere to me. Do not make this big decision of life based on what he told you, do not fall for him in just one month because of his sweet talk. Involve ur families and discuss with ur parents.
I feel that way too.
hey guys thanks 4 ur input, well to update you all, its another month over successfully with smooth relation with him, mostly on calls, n rarely on web cam n internet, but we dont talk daily, i make sure to keep a distance still....
3-4 days back he was asking my suggestion abt bringing his mother to my home to meet my mom, he was asking is it appropriate to come along with his mother right away in 1st meeting or shud he come alone to meet my mom 1st alone??, i suggested him to meet my mom 1st alone, give ur intro,tell her abt ur intentions, n then if she agrees u can come along with ur mother, it might be a decent way, what u guys think???
another thing what my mother says abt him is that she dont want me to go all the way to America after marriage, she basically dont like States, she want me t get married in pak or in near by gulf countries.... as she assumes that ppl from states dont usually visit yearly, let c what happens next...
Ask him to bring his mother for the first meeting. It is important that her mother agrees with his decision .
