I am 26 year old Muslim. I passed the Intermediate Commerce with supplementary exam with 42%. I am the eldest of my father’s children. As you can see, according to my age, I should be in a bachelor degree program at least, but due to some mental weakness I am very far behind in the field of education. Right Now I am preparing for Fine art.
My bad days of life started in 2000, when I was stricken with severe depression. In those days, I was hopeless and I always thought about suicide. My thanks to Allah as He gave me such loving parents who care for me. My family and I fought that depression with the help of a psychiatrist. Allah has blessed me and I am very well now and not on medication.
Right now I am working as Internet support and as a part-time programmer. My salary is 4K per month. I think it is sufficient for me. But this social system says that it is very low it need 30K along with House, VCR, TV etc. It don’t care about personal needs, emotions and love. Person who is less income can’t marry or survive in this society is that right ?
Do you think I am ready for marriage? If I am ready, then how I can I find my partner? My parents say that I am not well established (not able to run a family financially). My parents are loving and caring, but I still need a legal partner with whom I can spend my life and can share my feelings and, most of all, to avoid sexual sin. I talk with my mother many times that I want to marry but she says that Do something for money making then we will see. I am living in joint family setup. Please advice me.
First of all, Welcome to gupshup.
Don't take me wrong but your mom is right. You should focus on your career first, because you can't live comfortably in 4k. I went to Pakistan five years ago and everything was expensive. If you are planing to get married, you need to save money for it, beside how long you will live with your parents. Even if you and your future wife decide to live with your family, you need to support your parents and future wife and kids.
In my opinion you should save some money to establish some kind of business and then get marriage. Don't rush, take your time, pray that God should give you strenght to fight against the hard time. You came out fine the first time and you can do this time too.
If one of the biggest reasons for marriage is to avoid sin, then you'll feel really sorry for it later on down the road when you do get married. No need to bring those suicidal feelings back for the sake of satisfying your genitals.
May be you are right I have to focus career First, Tell me what career of that person can be who pass matric and Inter in two go each. And percentage WOW!WOW!!!
In marriage there is elements of Love and emtions of female too. there is no alternative for that is main reason too.
All the love in the world isn't going to put the food on the table. You will have increased responsibility of a wife and kids too in the future. It is only fair for your family that you can provide for them.
When girls leave their parents house , they have lot of hopes and dreams in their eyes...... you ll feel sorry laterz if you would not be able to make her happy..... you 'll be even more depressed...... yes you are right....... you must be well established .......stable before marrying....
Ya'akhee, looking at the way you write, i dont think you have mental weakness.
Look hard at yourself. You are doing part time programing and internet support. Generally programing and support is not the work of someone who's not mentally able. Its not something everyone can do.
A friend of mine who's a masters student in IT has trouble even grasping basic html at times, you however are making a small salery doing some sort of programing.
May i ask what sort of programing you do ? What language, what platform ? How advanced is it.
Yes, focus on career at the moment, if it is indeed rupee's you are talking about then 4k per month isnt much to support oneself or ones family. In the technical field there's a huge potential for everyones growth, so dont limit yourself by thinking low of yourself. If you need help advice pm me and we can discuss this on MSN and perhaps i can guide you towards something that you may enjoy and be confident in your ability with.
You write masha'Allah with very good english, thats not the sign of mental weekness. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. And yeah..pm me.
ok.. bhai apna resume PM karo mujhe i will see if i can forward ur resume around.. look for a job and then shaadi.. unless u already have told some larki that u r going to marry her pretty soon.. even then tell her to hold for a while .. and u look for a job.. if u can do programming let me know what sort of programming.. if possible.. please post a link for some sort of portfolio (sample apps so that we can check them out)
I do agree with Code_Red and Maniac, to me you don't seem mentally weak. But even if you really are then I would suggest to wait for a while and find a full time job and keep going on with your studies ( at least you are good in IT) why not make it a full time career.
May be a year or two but you will be in much better/safer position than today.
My 0.02 cents why not work hard once, you won;t be sorry that you tried atleast.
Right u asked if it would b suitable 4 u 2 get married now? ok well ur age says yes but ur job status says no... u need 2 wake up 2 da real world marriage isnt just about emotions love an da rest of it, its about bringing up a family ur gona be the man of the house u want ur children 2 look up 2 u so my advice 2 u would b spend atleast 2 more yrs tryin 2 get a gud job an den think about marriage.
Well i assume your mental weakness was your depression which you say you are recovering from so that shouldnt and hasnt hindered you from getting work so work hard and be patient…
Age is a number…my friend is getting married in a few months and he is 19…another family friend has hit 30 and he is not married…there is no set age for marriage…
Get married for the right reasons…dont just do it because you are horny…marriage is a lot more than just sex…as PCG pointed out if you get married for this reason alone you will be disappointed…
And i agree with everyone here that has said concentrate on your career…you need wealth to get married and live happily…you need money to do coupley things etc…you need money to raise children…a lot of marital problems are caused by financial problems so i advise you to sort that out before you take a step towards marriage…you will feel depressed if you cannot give your wife the things she desires…will be depressed if you cant buy your kids toys etc… you will have an idea of what you want to do but will feel helpless as you wont be able to do it…this is a horrible feeling…your self esteem will suffer as a result…you cant build the dream life that you envisaged for your wife and kids and that will damage your self esteem…so build job security then get married when you can fulfil the requirements of a marriage…
Everyones given you pretty much the same advice so i hope you deal with things in the best manner and good luck for the future…
But, remember I am nobody, you don’t need to give a damn to what I say.
Point one: An Inter pass person, with 42% marks can not write two para in proper english.
(ofcourse exceptions are there )
Point two: figures of 4k and 30k are not realistic. 4k is not the proper income for what you (claim to) do. 30 k is not required for a happy prosperous living. You need 10~15 k in joint family, 15~20 k in separate living. Of cource the more the better :k:
Point three : you said that for good living you need *“House, VCR, TV etc.” *. Actually, if you live in karachi, than it should not be a news for you that ‘VCR is obsolete technology’ No one buys VCR now. People have old VCR with them, now they buy VCD player or DVD players. Being a tech guy you should be aware of this
Now sollutions…
Going for graduation is nice, try looking for some tutions or part time private work and try to switch job if possible, I agree this income is enough for you being single person and no responsibilities. I used to buy most expensive branded garments and accesories when I was a student and used to earn megre income from tutions… I used to spend like king but now that i earn may time more, I spend like … well I am not left with any money to spend
There is no excuse to let someone exploit you. Earning less than what you are capable of, is no excuse. If situation is not fovorable than work part time, acquire some other skills, do other jobs as well . You are educated and young, so you can put more efforts now :k: Good luck
Thanks All of you for suggestions and replies. It is found that I should First work on my depression then on Education. If depression will struck to me then I can't do anything.
Marriage is only worldly things it is not necessary. Sexual satisfication and wife Love is something that required lot of work and education which I don't have it. My marriage is not in hands of ppl, friends or parents it is hand of ALLAH. what ever Allah wills it will come to me. I should keep marriage on very rear back of mind.
My talking will not finished until I gave admission in Oct in KU. After that I will really know what real problem.
but now that i earn may time more, I spend like … well I am not left with any money to spend 